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Couples going through menopause often have
unique struggles when coping with the new changes
and challenges it brings to them both as
individuals, and as partners. It is an inner battle
– mentally and physically – for not just
women, but men as well. For women, it may be hard
to get a male partner to understand and be able to
empathize with her challenges. But both sexes go
through a form of menopause, and this transition is
disruptive and even scary, and a certain level of
understanding and communication is required for any
one to have a quality relationship at this stage of
life.
Nancy Cetel talks about many of the changes
couples experience in her book Double Menopause,
and what often happens is that emotions, including
past hurts, hopes, dreams, etc., that may have been
buried or unexpressed in the past, can no longer
hidden. It can’t be helped – the truth
will not be held back any longer. For some women,
that shows up in pent up aggression that is taken
out on a male partner by pushing him away and/or
making him unable to relate to you on a physical
level. Men need to know that the loss of desire for
sex may be caused from the hormonal changes, but
there might also be an emotional element that needs
to be dealt with.
It is advisable that men in menopause couples
acquaint themselves with the effects of menopause,
in themselves and their partners, in order to
better understand the changes their relationship is
going through. Men soon realize that hormonal
imbalances are causing unwanted emotional symptoms
in women that could lead to verbal spats every now
and then. Men need to be aware that emotional
changes are likely to occur and that they are not
to blame for them but that their partner may
require extra attention, love and outward
expressions of caring more now than ever
before.
Men need to understand that their sexual drives
could also have changed as they experience a slower
loss of testosterone. To keep sexual interest,
partners may need to put more time and attention
into the quality of their sex lives and
‘update’ themselves on what things turn
them on at this stag of the game.
Men need to know that a decrease in estrogen in
their lover’s bodies – can significantly
alter how she thinks and feels about sex. In
addition, vaginal discomfort and thinning of the
lining of the vagina can make sex painful so it
will not be enjoyable for either of them until they
find a solution for this.
More than ever this is a critical time for
couples to communicate more about the changes they
are both experiencing. Christian Northrup talks
about ‘reversing roles’ as couples go
through this transition in her book the Wisdom of
Menopause. Men often lose a lot of the aggression
that once fueled their younger years and they are
happier to stay home and engage in more nurturing
activities, that they never paid attention to
before, such as cooking. Women, on the other hand,
may want to venture out into the world and pursue a
long-thought about career. They become more
aggressive and passionate about accomplishing
things. In this way, the couple almost switch roles
in the relationship.
Talking a lot, expressing ideas, and bonding
with one another again becomes critical during this
transition. Men need to know what is happening to
their women on a day-to-day basis, and visa versa.
Women want men to cheer them on as they undergo
significant changes including dealing with physical
discomfort, hormonal imbalances, and possibly
venturing out into the career world for the first
time!
Men need to know that sex isn’t going away
totally. Explore sexual alternatives and realize
that having less sex is not the end of the world!
Experiment with vibrators, and oral sex, if you
haven’t already as these are fine alternatives
and to maintain a healthy sex life. Women love toys
as much as guys do. Menopause might mean taking
more time for foreplay for some women. Get into a
habit of communicating your needs to each other and
learn to enjoy the changes instead of fighting
against them.
The most important thing is that husbands
provide a social network for their menopausal wives
to rely on. Realize that menopause is only a phase,
albeit the end of the old and the beginning of a
new one, and it’s possible to adjust to the
changes by remaining aware. By staying informed of
each other’s thoughts and feelings and
becoming tolerant and understanding to the
emotional pains women can go through, menopause
couples can overcome most difficulties. And, who
knows, you might like the new person you wake up to
better! Think of it as another adventure.
Source: Cathy Taylor is a
marketing consultant with over 25 years experience.
She specializes in internet marketing, strategy and
plan development, as well as management of
communications and public relations programs for
small business sectors. She can be reached at
Creative Communications: creative--com@cox.net
or by visiting www.everythingmenopause.com
©2005, Cathy Taylor
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