Why I Got


On Friday, February 13, 2004, my partner Stanley and I were married at City Hall in San Francisco. Our dear friends Barbara and Richard were our witnesses. I am writing this brief email to explain why I decided to get married.

From before I knew I was gay I was attacked by the other boys in school for being a "Fag". This attacked included name calling and physical attack and has lasted to this day. For me the denial of my desire to be married to my partner of over four years and receive the benefits that heterosexual couples receive is a continuation of this attack.

It is so often said that homosexuals are attacking the foundation of a civilized society by our desires to have the same rights and freedoms that heterosexuals enjoy. Yet I do not see the same hatred and bigotry shown towards heterosexuals that heterosexuals show towards us. How is it that those who hate condemn those who love?

I married because I am in love. Because I wanted to have a judge pronounce us "spouses for life". Because I want the same inheritance, health, and tax benefits that heterosexuals have. Because I am tired of being attacked and letting those who attack me say I am evil and do not deserve better than what they would choose to give me.

In a world full of hate and killing and poverty, isn't there something better we could do with our energy than worry about those who love?

I am happy that I got married and if they take the piece of paper and the inherent rights that come with being married away today, it will not change my love or my desire to be free to love. A love I cherish and will defend in the glare of the dark hate-filled eyes of those boys who have grown into men and have never grown up. The same men who would rather war with each other than love each other.

This is political and this is personal and I will not stop until I see that we receive the "equal protection of the laws" that are promised us in the U.S. Constitution. As my father said, "I am a lover not a fighter". But at some point you have to say enough. No more. Stop. And last Friday, Stanley and I said, "Stop". And I urge you to join us and the 4,540 other people who were married this weekend to say no to the hatred and to the denial of the freedom to love and be secure in our society. It is our right.


Charles H. Trapolin

Related Topics:  Marriage, Marriage Same Sex

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