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When Men Change- Pain and
Longing
My divorce was one of the most painful times in my
life. Though I was not legally married and facing
legal and financial issues, the emotional ones were
as daunting as those of other men I have heard
from. And there was a child involved which
amplified the heartbreak many fold.
It was at this time I felt incredibly vulnerable
and raw and spoke with people at a level of honesty
and realness that broke with the usual everyday
movements of carrying out the business of my
life.
It was this pain point that had me re-examine
what was truly important to me, searching for new
ground to stand on, even a redefinition of who I
was and why I was here. It involved taking a hard
look at old patterns and behaviors that were not
serving me, my default ways of operating in the
world programmed from boyhood on about what it
meant to be a “real” or successful
man.
In the licking of my wounds, a new
“call” emerged from the pain and within
that call was a longing for something more and
bigger. I could not fully know at that dark time I
was actually in a chrysalis and about to emerge
into a whole new life with new people who would
become friends, family and community, all that I
would need to grow new wings and fly.
These days when I work with other men at these
points of life transition, I realize I am working
with myself, the men mirror my past pain and
longing for an expanded life of greater joy and
fulfillment.
The biggest obstacle facing so many boys and men
today is isolation, a lack of societal support for
growing up in healthy, purposeful and productive
ways that provide deeper meaning, a sense of
personal mastery and belonging for each developing
boy and man at every stage of life.
Fortunately, there is a worldwide movement whose
leaders understand that it takes a village to help
break through the isolation and raise a man. It is
called The Mankind Project, (MKP) is 35 years along
in its evolution and spans several continents and
countries. The signature experience provided by MKP
is a powerful weekend rite of passage for young men
and older that recognizes the Hero’s Journey
given higher profile in our modern culture by the
great mythologist and educator Joseph Campbell.
Over 60,000 men have experienced these powerful
weekends, supporting men to begin defining purpose
and success on their own terms.
Now in it’s third year the MKP sponsored
Man On Purpose course provides a seven-week
teleseminar that builds real community for men with
virtual technology that can enable communication
and heartfelt connection across continents. The
course attracts men acknowledging and courageously
taking a risk to doing something about their pain
and longing.
My role in this Man On Purpose community is to
work with its instructors/facilitators to provide
the men who enroll in the course an introduction to
the power and ease of the Passion Test, now the
number one tool used in 52 countries to help people
get clear about their passion and purpose and
support them to live their life based on what most
brings them alive and feeds their souls, as well as
their pocketbooks!
My team of five men Passion Test facilitators
living in North America, the Caribbean and
Australia work with men in or close to their home
regions or time zones to get clear about and decide
to live their passions fully as an integral part of
the Man On Purpose course supporting men on their
hero’s journey toward a greater sense of
passion-infused purpose. Some of these course
participants have recognized it is a part of their
greater life purpose to serve other men on their
journey out of isolation and are choosing to become
certified Passion Test facilitators as a powerful
complement to other processes and tools they can
use in their lives, professions and businesses.
If you know a man in pain or longing for more,
there is something you can do. You can visit
www.mkp.org to find a local or regional presence of
the global Mankind community. There are men willing
to talk to that man if he is even a little open to
having a conversation with someone who understands
what he is going through or is longing for.
And you can talk to me about how men can access
the Passion Test and global family of facilitators
that is growing daily. Randy@thepassiontest.com
The women’s movement began with leaders
naming a problem with no name, and then taking bold
leadership to change the world. The men’s
movement has named the challenge as well and in
partnership with women is making life better for
millions. It is sometimes painful for me to know we
have not reached everyone yet and I long for the
day when we’ve ended men’s isolation and
created communities everywhere that make a real
difference in men’s lives, helping those men
make a difference in their worlds and the lives of
others.
©2015, Randy
Crutcher
* * *
Randy
Crutcher has over three decades of experience as a
teacher, counselor, and community
organizer/builder. He is a personal and
professional development coach, facilitator, and
consultant to both large institutions and small
organizations in the public, private, and
non-profit sectors. He has done extensive work with
men and boys to become all they can be having
opened one of the first state grant funded
men’s counseling center’s in America. He
developed programs to assist men in learning
alternatives to violence, father and son workshops
and gatherings.
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