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March
How to Complete Relationships Consciously: The Ten
Essential Skills for Cocreating Conscious
Completion
Completing relationships is often one of the most
painful experiences of life. Because of this,
people tend to avoid dealing with completion
altogether. There are four ways we have observed
that relationships can be completed; death,
drifting apart, abrupt expulsion or ejection from
the relationship and conscious completion.
Sometimes completion is only about changing the
form of the relationship and recreating it, not
necessarily the end of the relationship altogether.
A good example of this is when parents divorce;
they are still responsible for co-parenting.
Consequently they are remaining in relationship,
albeit a different form than marriage and
romance.
When people drift apart, it is often because
there were things they were afraid to talk about.
The cumulative effect of avoiding important
conversations about difficult issues is emotional
numbing and distancing. Often, the eventual outcome
is drifting apart. Geographical distance can also
lead to drifting apart, as well as a lack of common
interests.
Sometimes, events occur in relationships that
cause a sudden and abrupt end to relationships. An
example of this could be a business partnership in
which one partner is found committing illegal or
unethical acts that compromise the life or
reputation of the business and partners involved.
Hurt feelings that people don't have the skills or
inclination to talk about and work through, can
also lead to an abrupt ending of a
relationship.
Much more rare is for relationships to be
completed consciously. That is because there is
some skill involved and a high level of
self-awareness and compassion. We offer for your
consideration the following ten essential skills
for consciously completing relationships.
1. Be alert to how the completion impacts the
identity concerns of everyone involved. Our sense
of self is very much tied to our most important
relationships, whether personal or business, and
when an important relationship completes it can
have a painful impact on our thoughts and feelings
about ourselves. It can cause us to question our
conception of reality and our place in it.
2. Acknowledge and integrate the value and
learning from the relationship. Remember from our
soul's perspective relationships are for learning
and creating. If a relationship is completing, it
indicates that we have probably learned most of the
lessons available for us in that relationship or
new creations are calling us to a new path.
Completion may be thought of as a graduation.
3. Own up to mistakes without self-invalidation.
A valuable point of view is to consider that
everyone is always doing the best they can with the
resources available to them - even you.
Undoubtedly, if we had it to do all over again,
there is almost always something we would do
differently. It's essential to conscious completion
to acknowledge our mistakes. That is a part of the
learning.
4. Make apologies. Even though we are not
responsible for other peoples' feelings, it is also
true that our words and actions have impact on
others. If there is any way that you have spoken or
behaved that has caused others pain, it is
important to know how to make sincere and effective
apologies from a place of self-love and compassion
for others.
5. Redefine your common path -- Create a new
form for the relationship. You may be moving from
romantic partner to friend; or from marriage
partner to parenting partner; or business partner
to belonging to the same associations. The most
important part in creating a new form is clarifying
the purpose of the new relationship.
6. Articulate the highest spiritual thought
about the relatioship. This requires looking at
your relationship from your soul's perspective
which is beyond time and immediate circumstances.
It allows you to acknowledge and appreciate how you
have grown and developed in the relationship. There
is a feeling of gratitude and blessing about the
relationship that acts as a balm, soothing the
temporary wounds of separation.
7. Know what you need to feel complete. Are
there things you need to say or requests you need
to make? Are there missing pieces of information
that would help you feel complete if you had them?
Do you need to offer or ask for forgiveness for
anything?
8. Generate a safe space for completion
conversation. Make sure everything that needs to be
said or done for everyone to feel complete is
communicated in a spirit of love and dignity.
Creating this kind of atmosphere can be challenging
when there are hurt feelings and unresolved
misunderstanding. It can be valuable to bring in a
coach to facilitate the completion
conversation.
9. Allow for a healthy expression of grief,
fear, anger or any other emotion. Learning to be
present to someone else's upset without taking it
personally is a high level relationship skill, but
it can be learned. It is important because the
relationship won't feel complete without the
acknowledgment of important, and often powerful,
feelings. You also need to love yourself enough to
acknowledge and express your own feelings.
Unacknowledged feelings tend to show up in other
relationships, which is why this part is so
important.
10. Accept and flow with change. This is a time
for us to acknowledge that we are each the source
of our own happiness. This can be an impetus for us
to let go of the notion that we need a particular
person to actualize our full potential for
wellbeing. With every ending there are new
beginnings. Trust your own Higher Self who is
always guiding you to your greatest good.
What does completion feel like? How do you know
when you are consciously complete in a
relationship? When you can think of the other
person and not have any bad feelings of regret or
pain, rather you are able to feel gratitude for all
that the relationship was and all that you have
learned from it. Completion can feel like anything
from neutral (no negative charge) to love and
appreciation. Anything less is just not, well,
complete.
©2010, Paul
& Layne Cutright
* * *
Lovers know what they want, but not what they
need. - Publilius Syrus
Paul
and Layne Cutright are marriage and business
partners who have been teaching principles and
practices for successful relationships since 1976.
They are the founders of The Center for Enlightened
Partnership (www.enlightenedpartners.com),
an online learning and resource center providing
e-learning products, teleclasses and coaching. They
are authors of the Amazon Best Seller,
You’re
Never Upset for the Reason You
Think and
Straight
From the Heart. They
publish a free monthly e-zine filled with
inspiration and practical tools for all your valued
relationships (www.enlightenedpartners.com/newsletter.html).
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