Powerful
Partnerships
 

March
How to Complete Relationships Consciously: The Ten Essential Skills for Cocreating Conscious Completion


Completing relationships is often one of the most painful experiences of life. Because of this, people tend to avoid dealing with completion altogether. There are four ways we have observed that relationships can be completed; death, drifting apart, abrupt expulsion or ejection from the relationship and conscious completion. Sometimes completion is only about changing the form of the relationship and recreating it, not necessarily the end of the relationship altogether. A good example of this is when parents divorce; they are still responsible for co-parenting. Consequently they are remaining in relationship, albeit a different form than marriage and romance.

When people drift apart, it is often because there were things they were afraid to talk about. The cumulative effect of avoiding important conversations about difficult issues is emotional numbing and distancing. Often, the eventual outcome is drifting apart. Geographical distance can also lead to drifting apart, as well as a lack of common interests.

Sometimes, events occur in relationships that cause a sudden and abrupt end to relationships. An example of this could be a business partnership in which one partner is found committing illegal or unethical acts that compromise the life or reputation of the business and partners involved. Hurt feelings that people don't have the skills or inclination to talk about and work through, can also lead to an abrupt ending of a relationship.

Much more rare is for relationships to be completed consciously. That is because there is some skill involved and a high level of self-awareness and compassion. We offer for your consideration the following ten essential skills for consciously completing relationships.

1. Be alert to how the completion impacts the identity concerns of everyone involved. Our sense of self is very much tied to our most important relationships, whether personal or business, and when an important relationship completes it can have a painful impact on our thoughts and feelings about ourselves. It can cause us to question our conception of reality and our place in it.

2. Acknowledge and integrate the value and learning from the relationship. Remember from our soul's perspective relationships are for learning and creating. If a relationship is completing, it indicates that we have probably learned most of the lessons available for us in that relationship or new creations are calling us to a new path. Completion may be thought of as a graduation.

3. Own up to mistakes without self-invalidation. A valuable point of view is to consider that everyone is always doing the best they can with the resources available to them - even you. Undoubtedly, if we had it to do all over again, there is almost always something we would do differently. It's essential to conscious completion to acknowledge our mistakes. That is a part of the learning.

4. Make apologies. Even though we are not responsible for other peoples' feelings, it is also true that our words and actions have impact on others. If there is any way that you have spoken or behaved that has caused others pain, it is important to know how to make sincere and effective apologies from a place of self-love and compassion for others.

5. Redefine your common path -- Create a new form for the relationship. You may be moving from romantic partner to friend; or from marriage partner to parenting partner; or business partner to belonging to the same associations. The most important part in creating a new form is clarifying the purpose of the new relationship.

6. Articulate the highest spiritual thought about the relatioship. This requires looking at your relationship from your soul's perspective which is beyond time and immediate circumstances. It allows you to acknowledge and appreciate how you have grown and developed in the relationship. There is a feeling of gratitude and blessing about the relationship that acts as a balm, soothing the temporary wounds of separation.

7. Know what you need to feel complete. Are there things you need to say or requests you need to make? Are there missing pieces of information that would help you feel complete if you had them? Do you need to offer or ask for forgiveness for anything?

8. Generate a safe space for completion conversation. Make sure everything that needs to be said or done for everyone to feel complete is communicated in a spirit of love and dignity. Creating this kind of atmosphere can be challenging when there are hurt feelings and unresolved misunderstanding. It can be valuable to bring in a coach to facilitate the completion conversation.

9. Allow for a healthy expression of grief, fear, anger or any other emotion. Learning to be present to someone else's upset without taking it personally is a high level relationship skill, but it can be learned. It is important because the relationship won't feel complete without the acknowledgment of important, and often powerful, feelings. You also need to love yourself enough to acknowledge and express your own feelings. Unacknowledged feelings tend to show up in other relationships, which is why this part is so important.

10. Accept and flow with change. This is a time for us to acknowledge that we are each the source of our own happiness. This can be an impetus for us to let go of the notion that we need a particular person to actualize our full potential for wellbeing. With every ending there are new beginnings. Trust your own Higher Self who is always guiding you to your greatest good.

What does completion feel like? How do you know when you are consciously complete in a relationship? When you can think of the other person and not have any bad feelings of regret or pain, rather you are able to feel gratitude for all that the relationship was and all that you have learned from it. Completion can feel like anything from neutral (no negative charge) to love and appreciation. Anything less is just not, well, complete.

©2010, Paul & Layne Cutright

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Lovers know what they want, but not what they need. - Publilius Syrus

Paul and Layne Cutright are marriage and business partners who have been teaching principles and practices for successful relationships since 1976. They are the founders of The Center for Enlightened Partnership (www.enlightenedpartners.com), an online learning and resource center providing e-learning products, teleclasses and coaching. They are authors of the Amazon Best Seller, You’re Never Upset for the Reason You Think and Straight From the Heart. They publish a free monthly e-zine filled with inspiration and practical tools for all your valued relationships (www.enlightenedpartners.com/newsletter.html).



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