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July
End Cleanly
We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better.
Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have
asked the same question: “How can I get women
to love me?”
Last month, we explored Technique #13: Then
What? Here is Technique #14:
End Cleanly
It is as important to show up at the end of a
relationship as it was at the beginning. In the
realm of love and relationships, we need to tell
the truth when the relationship isn’t going
well, or when it has gone as far as it can go.
Unfortunately, most men just disappear at the
end of a romance. I’ve done it myself.
It’s easier to not call her than to tell her
it’s over. “She’ll figure it
out,” we think. “She’ll get
it.”
The fact is: we are cowards. We don’t want
to see her break down and cry. We don’t want
to have to deal with a mass of messy emotions and
tears, answering the “Why?” question, or
feeling bad or guilty. We’d rather just move
on and let her deal with it.
Don’t be a coward. Whether you really loved
this woman or only had sex with her, she deserves
to be honored for the time she spent with you. I
once had a boss who couldn’t tell me that I
was doing a lousy job. He couldn’t even tell
me that he was firing me. He informed me one day,
“There’s someone moving into your office,
so can you move your personal things out of
there?” I had to ask: “Are you firing
me?” He sheepishly admitted it: “Yeah, I
guess I am.” Do NOT be this kind of man,
especially to a woman.
If something isn’t working for you in the
relationship, discuss it truthfully. She might be
willing to make an adjustment, if it’s an
issue she can do something about. It’s also
possible that it’s your issue, not hers, and
has little to do with her. (If this issue keeps
coming up with many different women, you can count
on the fact that it’s your issue.) If it is,
perhaps you might be willing to do something about
it. Get into therapy. Read a self-help book. Go
into couples counseling with her, with the goal of
finding out whether its repairable or not.
If it is over, there are many ways of telling
her that it’s over without being a jerk:
- “I think you're a great woman, but I'm
not feeling the chemistry I'm looking for, so I
won't be calling you again.”
- “I really like your sense of humor and
how much you care about your dog, but I'm not
feeling that spark I want to feel in a
relationship. I wish you well in your search for
the right guy.”
- “I started dating another woman, and
there is something there that I want to check
out, so I won't be dating you again. I’ve
had a great time getting to know you,
though.”
- Or the most truthful truth: “I’m
just not that into you. But I do wish you
well.”
Don't just go away and leave her hanging, or
waiting for your call. Be a real man. Own your
feelings, and tell the truth. You have a right to
do so. Complete the relationship and move on. Your
women will not like it at the moment she hears it,
but if it’s your real truth, she will respect
you for telling the truth and not stringing her
along.
One of the worst things men do is stay in
relationships to get sex while they’re looking
for a relationship with another woman that is more
satisfying. This is the “don’t give up
one until you have another” strategy. This is
disrespectful to the woman you’re with. Women
take us into their bodies as well as their hearts,
so it takes them more time to clear us out of their
system. For a man, it usually takes as long as it
takes to have sex with another woman. For women, it
usually takes one month or more for every year she
has been in relationship.
End one relationship before you get into a new
one. It is so much cleaner. Don’t be afraid of
being alone. If there’s another woman waiting
in the wings, make her wait awhile while you clear
your energy field. If you take time to be alone and
single before you dive into another relationship
(or start hunting for one), you will feel much more
solid in yourself, and you will be more attractive
to other women.
If you’re dating more than one woman, be
honest about it. It is true that some women
won’t be able to handle it, but your own
integrity is more important than her feelings. You
don’t have to go into detail, but you can say
“I’m dating multiple people right now
while I’m looking for the right
relationship.” She will appreciate your
honesty, and will hope that she becomes “Ms.
Right.” And while it may be true that she is
just “Ms. Right Now,” at least you
won’t be pretending she’s the only
one.
End your relationships cleanly, with honesty and
integrity. Women talk to each other about men all
the time, and you will be talked about –
either as a jerk, or as an unusual man of
integrity. You will either be known as “one to
watch out for,” or “one to look
for.”
When you implement these 15 techniques into your
life, you will be transformed into the kind of man
that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of
internal work, for example changing some of your
old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a
different point of view. Let me know of your
successes and your struggles, your thoughts,
suggestions and additions. I welcome your
emails.
Next month: Keep Beginning Forever
©2010 Lion
Goodman
* * *
Lion Goodman
is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps
individuals create extraordinary success, happiness
and results in their lives. He is a
widely-published author, workshop leader, public
speaker, and a successful businessman. He has
studied and explored the realms of psychology,
spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35
years. He brings these decades of learning and
growth to others through his workshop,
“Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for
Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder
of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California
which offers men an initiation into principle-based
living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area
with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea
Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from
his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love
You,” which is available on his website:
www.everydayawakening.com
or lion@everydayawakening.com
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