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September
Technique #4: Integrity Rules
We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better.
Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have
asked the same question: “How can I get women
to love me?”
Last month, we explored Technique #3: Be
Mysterious. Here is Technique #4:
Integrity Rules
Integrity is defined as “Soundness of and
adherence to moral principle and character;
uprightness; honesty; the state of being whole,
entire, or undiminished; an unimpaired
condition.” For men, integrity means that all
of your parts are aligned and integrated. It means
speaking your truth and standing up for what is
right and true. It includes honesty with yourself
about yourself, honesty in your communication with
others, and living your life based on principles
that you’ve thought about and committed
to.
Women open themselves to men they can trust. If
a man is not trustworthy (and women know when this
is true, regardless of what we say to them), she
cannot open fully. When a woman opens fully, it is
a sight to behold: beautiful, sexy, wild, and fully
feminine. If your woman is not opening fully, if
she is holding back her open, voluptuous, juicy
self, it usually means that there is something
going on with you that she can’t trust.
Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is
to look at yourself deeply, find out where
you’ve been out of integrity. Then get it
cleaned up. In the 12-step programs, this is called
doing the “Ruthless Moral Inventory.” It
means looking at every place in your life where
you’ve been out of integrity, waking up to it,
facing up to it, and cleaning it up. This
doesn’t mean going into blame or shame, but
taking responsibility for where you’ve been
out of alignment with your own highest values, and
doing what’s necessary. If you’ve
committed a crime, or broken a promise, or withheld
something you know is important to say or admit,
buck up and be a man. Go back and admit that you
made a mistake. Apologize for screwing up (or
around). Make a new commitment to not do it again.
Make amends wherever necessary. Then clean up your
act going forward. If you make a promise, keep it.
Be good for your word. Speak your truth about what
you want and need, what is acceptable and
isn’t acceptable. Live according to your
highest principles, and your highest intuition
about what’s right.
This is a lifetime practice, and it gets easier
the more you practice it. Begin a list of
“incomplete cycles,” – the promises
you made but didn’t keep, the things you meant
to say but never did, the projects you began but
never finished, the agreements you broke, and the
people you hurt that you never apologized to. Start
with one each day and get it cleaned up. Take a
gradient approach – start with the small ones
where the stakes aren’t very high. Exercise
this cleaning muscle, and build yourself up to
handling bigger and bigger messes from the past. I
guarantee that if you do this, by the end of one
year you will have a new life, and you will be a
man of integrity that women can trust and open to.
In addition, you will be the kind of man that other
men trust. You will be a man of integrity.
When you implement these 14 techniques into your
life, you will be transformed into the kind of man
that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of
internal work, for example changing some of your
old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a
different point of view. Let me know of your
successes and your struggles, your thoughts,
suggestions and additions. I welcome your
emails.
Next month: Speak Truth.
©2010 Lion
Goodman
* * *
Lion Goodman
is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps
individuals create extraordinary success, happiness
and results in their lives. He is a
widely-published author, workshop leader, public
speaker, and a successful businessman. He has
studied and explored the realms of psychology,
spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35
years. He brings these decades of learning and
growth to others through his workshop,
“Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for
Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder
of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California
which offers men an initiation into principle-based
living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area
with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea
Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from
his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love
You,” which is available on his website:
www.everydayawakening.com
or lion@everydayawakening.com
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