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December
Technique #7: Get Over Yourself
We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better.
Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have
asked the same question: “How can I get women
to love me?”
Last month, we explored Technique #6: Take Care
of Yourself. Here is Technique #7:
Get Over Yourself
Okay, you’ve explored yourself, taken a few
workshops and yoga classes, learned to Salsa, and
found your spirituality. Now, get over yourself.
Men can become absorbed in almost anything, from
watching a ball game to fixing a sink. Men can
become obsessed with their own image (the gym is
full of this type), or with their spirituality
(“Fly boys” are the spiritual types who
will happily spend hours meditating or hanging out
with gurus but have no grounding in the real world
of money and work). Men can become obsessed about a
single academic topic or a specialized field of
knowledge (baseball statistics, automotive
specifications, or making money in the stock
market). Women love men of depth, but not if
it’s a depth in only in one dimension. Nor do
they want to be with a man who only focuses on
himself. My ex-wife once said, “You are most
self-absorbed person I’ve ever met.” At
the time, I thought that was ridiculous. Looking
back twenty years, I suspect she was right.
Father Thomas Keating, a Benedictine monk,
observed: “The American way is to first feel
good about yourself, and then feel good about
others. But spiritual traditions say it’s
really the other way around – that you develop
a sense of goodness by giving of yourself.”
Any act of nobility – from giving a homeless
person money to picking up and comforting a child
who has fallen down, reminds us that we are more
than just a mind trapped in a body. We are all
connected at some deep level – what Jung
described as the “Collective
Unconscious.” When you reach out beyond
yourself, when you make a contribution to others
without thinking about what it gets you, your soul
is deepened, and you are ennobled. This nobility
– getting over yourself – is very
attractive to women, who tend to be that way
automatically.
Women know that they are connected to each other
and to the world. They are born without boundaries
and their work in the world is to learn to
establish good boundaries. As men, we are born
naturally boundaried. Our work is to loosen, open,
and make flexible our boundaries so we can feel and
see our connection to others. Doing good things for
others, whether for an individual, a group, or a
charity, is something that makes you feel good
about yourself, and it makes you more attractive to
others. If you start off volunteering only for ego
reasons (to meet women or to get praise or to feel
good), that’s okay. Eventually, you will get
to know, down in your bones, that there is a wider
purpose to your life. You will become authentically
generous. Women will love you for it. Start getting
over yourself.
When you implement these 14 techniques into your
life, you will be transformed into the kind of man
that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of
internal work, for example changing some of your
old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a
different point of view. Let me know of your
successes and your struggles, your thoughts,
suggestions and additions. I welcome your
emails.
Next month: Love Women.
©2009 Lion
Goodman
* * *
Lion Goodman
is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps
individuals create extraordinary success, happiness
and results in their lives. He is a
widely-published author, workshop leader, public
speaker, and a successful businessman. He has
studied and explored the realms of psychology,
spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35
years. He brings these decades of learning and
growth to others through his workshop,
“Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for
Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder
of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California
which offers men an initiation into principle-based
living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area
with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea
Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from
his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love
You,” which is available on his website:
www.everydayawakening.com
or lion@everydayawakening.com
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