How to get Women
to Love You

Technique #15: Keep Beginning Forever

We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better. Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have asked the same question: “How can I get women to love me?”

Last month, we explored Technique #14: End Cleanly. Here is Technique #15:

Keep Beginning Forever

What does it mean to “Keep beginning forever?” My friend Saniel Bonder, a spiritual teacher and author of “Waking Down” and “Healing the Spirit/Matter Split,” points out that there is a mysterious newness that underlies all relationships, all the time, whether they are just starting or are decades old.

Relationships are a reflection of the Great Mystery, which at one time was One Being, One Totality, without beginning or end. This One decided one fateful day that It was bored (of course, since It was Everything it had no one to play with). Since It was already All, there was only one thing It could do to make Being more interesting: to split into Two – the original division into Yin and Yang, Masculine and Feminine, Positive and Negative. The symbol of the Tao, the Yin/Yang, reflects this Two-ness that is One-ness. It continued to split and divide and differentiate until there was All That Is, an infinitude of parts and wholes and selves and others. So now we can’t ever get bored (although we can become boring!). We’re a part of that infinitely divided One, so every relationship between two entities is endlessly interesting, and always changing.

What we call masculine and feminine is a minor reflection of these universal opposites, about which the French say it best: Vive la différence! When we choose a path of self-growth, every day presents a new challenge of discovery. When there are two people committed to their own exploration of “Know Thyself” both on their own and together, this is an unbeatable combination. Relationships present us with challenge after challenge, testing us in every way possible, stretching our limits and strengthening our character. We are honed on the anvil of our experiences. We grow if this honing is done with self-awareness. We get sharper every day, more polished and smooth, more effective for the job we’re here to do.

In your relationship, your partner is guaranteed to push your buttons and piss you off sooner or later, or most likely both sooner and later. This is not in question. The only thing that is in question is “How will you respond?” This is our growth edge, our learning edge. Every day is a new beginning and a chance to respond differently. Every moment is an opportunity to awaken even more.

You have learned through these 15 Techniques that getting women to love you is not a goal, but is actually the result of developing your best self. The path of “Know Thyself,” the path of self development, self-growth, and self-discovery, is an endless and endlessly interesting road when traveled consciously. The people we love, and those we’re in relationship with, are our greatest teachers on this road. Once you start down this path, your life will never be the same. It will keep beginning forever.

When you find a woman with whom you can share this exploration, a woman who will walk by your side and love you while you move along this road of growth, grab her and marry her. Dive deeply into the most exciting adventure of a lifetime. Your relationship will really begin, and keep beginning, forever. Women look for men who are willing to make a commitment. Many men are commitment-phobes, afraid of making any kind of commitment or getting caught in a trap. Some men consider commitment a death knell, and run from it – fast – as soon as it’s mentioned. In the past, I, too, feared commitments. I learned, however, that commitment doesn’t have to be to “Forever.” It is perfectly reasonable to make a commitment to a specific, reasonable period of time as a test. When you take the initiative to discuss commitment, it can be on your terms, rather than hers. Here’s an example:

“Well, we’ve been seeing each other for three months, and it feels great, and neither of us are dating other people at the moment. I think it’s time we had the “commitment discussion.” Since I’m not ready to make a big, long-term commitment, I’d like to experiment with a short-term commitment. I’d like us to commit to an exclusive relationship, where neither of us are hunting or dating other people, for three months. Then we can re-evaluate and re-commit at that time. How does that sound?”

This will sound like sweet music to her, and it will protect you from the feeling that you’re about to be chained at the neck and ankles. Commitment allows you to turn off the hunting instinct. When you do this, you allow yourself to enter into a different quality of relationship that’s impossible to achieve when you’ve always got one eye out for Ms. Perfect.

Since everyone – and I mean everyone – has flaws, your job is to find out whether her flaws are ones you can live with, or not. And since every two people have some incompatibilities, your job is to determine whether the incompatibilities you have with her are manageable (through compromise, acceptance, or changing yourself) or not.

If the trial commitment works well, re-up for a longer one – six months or a year. If the relationship works for a year, and you are both continuing to grow and stay interested in each other, the relationship has a good chance of becoming a long-term committed relationship instead of just another short-term play relationship.

Once you make the long-term commitment, whether it’s “Until death do us part,” or “Until we feel like there’s nothing more to learn,” or “Until we just can’t stand each other any more,” you deepen your possibilities for growth and development even further. There are places you grow in long-term relationships that you just can’t touch in short-term ones.

And when you do turn your girlfriend into a life-mate and partner (yes, it’s something you do, not something that happens to you), you will discover the spontaneous unstoppable gratitude that springs up when you wake up in the morning and find her beside you. A fountain of joy awaits you. All it takes is for you to do what is necessary to get women to love you. Become the kind of man that women love. Make the world a better place to live.

When you implement these 15 techniques into your life, you will be transformed into the kind of man that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of internal work, for example changing some of your old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a different point of view. Let me know of your successes and your struggles, your thoughts, suggestions and additions. I welcome your emails.

You have my best wishes and my full support on your path.

In Strength,

Lion Goodman

©2010 Lion Goodman

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Lion Goodman is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps individuals create extraordinary success, happiness and results in their lives. He is a widely-published author, workshop leader, public speaker, and a successful businessman. He has studied and explored the realms of psychology, spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35 years. He brings these decades of learning and growth to others through his workshop, “Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California which offers men an initiation into principle-based living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love You,” which is available on his website: or

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