Technique #11: Enjoy Her
We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better.
Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have
asked the same question: How can I get women
to love me?
Last month, we explored Technique #10: Please
Her. Here is Technique #11:
What is it about her that you really like? Is it
the same as when you were first attracted to her?
What is it that attracts you now? What pleases you
about her? What is it about her that gets you
excited? Make a list, and write it down.
You get to decide where to focus your attention.
If you focus your attention on what you enjoy about
her, she will feel your enjoyment. She will feel
beautiful. She will feel filled up, and she will
love you more. If you focus your attention on what
doesn't please you, or what bugs you, she will feel
demeaned, diminished, unfulfilled and bad about
herself. Love will stop flowing, and the
relationship juice will dry up. Ugh.
Men hate it when women complain. This is usually
because complaining reminds us of our mother. A
woman complains when she doesnt feel filled
up with the love she needs, with the love she feels
she deserves. If you show her that you enjoy who
she is, you will fill your woman up with attention
and love, and she will bring that juicy energy to
Put your attention on exactly what you enjoy
about her, and let her know.
I just can't stop looking at your
breasts. I think they are the most perfect shape
I've ever seen.
When you smile like that, I get a warm
feeling inside my heart.
I really like how excited you get when
you talk about that. It makes you look very
The light on your face makes you look
beautiful, like youre glowing from
We have been taught that women like compliments,
so we tend to throw them out mechanically:
You look great. These automatic
compliments sound empty because they are empty.
Women know when you are using a line. They may
appreciate the effort, but it wont touch them
where they want to be touched.
Women appreciate congruence in men. This is when
your words are in alignment with your feelings and
your body language. Saying That dress looks
great on you, while youre reading a
magazine wont do it for her. Instead, look
her up and down slowly. Feel what attracts you.
Then tell her.
Heres an example: Wow. I love how
that dress emphasizes your waist. It makes me want
to just grab you and ravish you! That will
fill her up for the whole day.
Men and women enjoy different kinds of things.
If your woman enjoys watching sports with you,
youre a lucky man. If you want to please her,
do something with her that she enjoys doing and
just decide to enjoy it (not put up with it while
pretending to like it but really feeling resentful
and waiting for it to be over).
Here is a great suggestion: Learn to enjoy
shopping with her, especially shopping for clothes.
When I was married, I hated shopping with my wife
because she did it as a task to get done, rather
than enjoying it as a process. Things changed when
my post-divorce girlfriend took me shopping. It was
a revelation! She invited me to go into the
changing room with her while she was trying on
lingerie! She liked showing off for me, and I got
very turned on. From that moment on, I became a
dream date for women. I love shopping.
I hunt for clothes that I think will look sexy on
her, and I tell her my honest opinion about each
outfit she tried on.
Women actually prefer to hear the truth
(That dress doesnt look as good on you
as the green one, which made me want to pull you
down onto the floor and make love to you in front
of all these other customers.). Women like
men who have and express an opinion. Stock
compliments dont work. (That looks
fine.). If you dont have an opinion,
CREATE one. Enjoy the joy that this creates inside
Focus on YOUR enjoyment of her, and let her know
what pleases you. Do it often. Your reward will be
a flow of love and support - the kind you've always
wanted from a woman.
When you implement these 15 techniques into your
life, you will be transformed into the kind of man
that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of
internal work, for example changing some of your
old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a
different point of view. Let me know of your
successes and your struggles, your thoughts,
suggestions and additions. I welcome your
Next Month: Show Up.
* * *
is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps
individuals create extraordinary success, happiness
and results in their lives. He is a
widely-published author, workshop leader, public
speaker, and a successful businessman. He has
studied and explored the realms of psychology,
spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35
years. He brings these decades of learning and
growth to others through his workshop,
Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for
Waking Up Into Joy. He is also a co-founder
of The Mens Tribe in Northern California
which offers men an initiation into principle-based
living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area
with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea
Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from
his e-book, How To Get Women To Love
You, which is available on his website:
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
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