How to get Women
to Love You

Technique #6:
Take Care of Yourself

We all want love. Lots of it. The more the better. Throughout recorded history, men of all ages have asked the same question: “How can I get women to love me?”

Last month, we explored Technique #5: Speak Truth. Here is Technique #6:

Take Care of Yourself

Women don't want to be the Mom in a relationship, nor do they want to be managers. They have to do enough of that with work, friends, kids, and the world. They don't want to have to remind you about your dentist appointment, to pick your socks up off the floor, to call your parents or your kids, or that the faucet STILL needs fixing. They don't want to have to remind you to take a shower or comb your hair. They want equal co-creators. That excites them.

As much as men hate to be nagged, women really hate to have to nag. They don't like themselves when they do it, and they don't like you when they have to do it. If they take the role of Mom, the sexual passion goes downhill fast – for both of you.

Be a big boy. Take care of yourself without being reminded of all the things you already know you are supposed to do, or agreed to do. Don't agree to something you don't want to do. And if you don't want to do something, say so clearly. Don't say, “Yeah, I’ll get to that later,” as a way of putting her off and then never getting to it. Say, “I won't be able to find time for that until after the next business trip.” or, “I think we'd be better off hiring someone to take care of that,” or “I don't really think this is quite as important as you do, so I'm not likely to get to it. Is there something else I can do, so that you can take care of this in a timely manner?” Or, “I'm really not good at that sort of thing, do we know someone who is?” (This last one is a real stretch for a lot of guys, but it's better than doing it poorly and then getting criticized for something you didn't really want to do in the first place.)

A woman's favorite words (next to “I love you.” and “You look great.”) are: “I've got it handled.” It's music to their ears. Then they can relax and do their own thing, which isn't management, but being creative and loving you.

Taking care of yourself also means taking care of your body. Amazingly, there are still some men who don’t know that they should shower every day (with soap), use deodorant, and keep their fingernails (and toenails) clean and neatly shaped. With some exceptions, women like men who take care of their bodies, who care about their looks. If you’re one of the clueless, get some clues from men’s magazines like GQ and Men’s Health. Ask your girlfriend to help you go shopping for new clothes (this is the moment they’ve been waiting for). Most men don’t mine making small adjustments to please women, so invite them to help you improve. If you don’t already exercise or do yoga or dance, start. Become fascinated by your body, and look for ways to take care of it. Think of it as your Temple of Worship. You’re the caretaker.

Look around your environment. What would your mother say? If you can hear her harping to “Clean up your room!” you probably should. Do the basics, then ask your woman for her help redecorating. Again, she’ll be thrilled, and you’ll get a better environment out of it. You don’t have to become a cleaning fanatic, but don’t be a pig. That’s what we did as teenagers to rebel against Mom. Be an adult. Take care of yourself.

When you implement these 14 techniques into your life, you will be transformed into the kind of man that women love. Some of these shifts take a lot of internal work, for example changing some of your old habits. Some of them are as easy as adopting a different point of view. Let me know of your successes and your struggles, your thoughts, suggestions and additions. I welcome your emails.

Next Month: Get Over Yourself.

©2010 Lion Goodman

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Lion Goodman is an executive coach and "evocateur" who helps individuals create extraordinary success, happiness and results in their lives. He is a widely-published author, workshop leader, public speaker, and a successful businessman. He has studied and explored the realms of psychology, spirituality, and business mastery for more than 35 years. He brings these decades of learning and growth to others through his workshop, “Everyday Awakening: Practical Techniques for Waking Up Into Joy.” He is also a co-founder of The Men’s Tribe in Northern California which offers men an initiation into principle-based living. He resides in the San Francisco Bay Area with his partner, author and workshop leader Anodea Judith. This series of articles are excerpts from his e-book, “How To Get Women To Love You,” which is available on his website: or

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