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Guys Having Fun With Guys
Without It Getting – Weird
Have fun, Live
longer
The HHBrotherhood: A
Complete Lack of Elegance
News Flash – Men
Can Be Stubborn
Origins Of The Hard Hat
Brotherhood
Raising the Barn and
Lowering the Blood Pressure
Self Realization
For Men or How We Can Be Our Own Worst
Enemy
News Flash – Men
Can Be Stubborn
Why am I always the last to hear about these
things? Maybe I never got the email or was too busy
playing my video games but somehow I missed the
news flash that men can be stubborn. I know now
that I am indeed stubborn because my wife
constantly informs me of this. The realization came
to me at the point when I realized that I was in
the middle of a conversation with my spouse where
she was again explaining my alleged stubbornness
and the actual words I said in response to this
were “am not”. If all men are as stubborn
as this, it is not hard to see why this behavior is
detrimental to our health and that it is time for
us all to rethink our position.
How can being stubborn hurt your health? Think
about the last time a man you know, say your father
or brother, hurt himself seriously enough to
warrant a doctors’ visit but just said,
“It’s nothing”. Sure, the finger is
almost severed in half and there is a pool of blood
a foot wide where he was working, but it’s
“nothing”. Is this how a grown person
should act? The obvious answer is of course not.
Yet, it is a common occurrence for men. Things like
avoiding the yearly physical, having our eyes
tested or having that weird looking mole checked
out have become a sport of sorts for most men. The
“it’s nothing” nature is a strong
one for us guys.
Is it a pride thing or are we just being lazy?
We know we should do things that are beneficial to
our health and well-being but we insist on the easy
way out. We come up with excuses like
“Doctor’s don’t know
everything”, “I’m as healthy as a
horse” or the ever popular twin to
“it’s nothing, the “I’m
fine”. Recently I had a rather eye opening
experience when my doctor informed me that I was
basically a walking time bomb. Being seriously
overweight, out of control eating habits, complete
lack of exercise and an attitude of being
indestructible was leading me to death’s door.
My wife was scared to death I would drop dead one
day and began an all out campaign just to get me to
go to the doctor for a check up. She left no stone
unturned and used the whole arsenal she had. First
it was coaxing – “ It will be easy,
I’ll go with you and it will be done before
you know it”, then it was scare tactics,
“Your mother died young because she
wouldn’t take care of herself either”,
then it was facts – “Men your age have a
68% higher rate of heart attacks if they don’t
see a doctor regularly”, and finally it was
threats – “No more lasagna until the
check up is done”. Now that one hurt. If you
have ever had her lasagna you would know why that
one almost got to me!
Yet I persisted, “There’s nothing
wrong with me” I said with disinterest.
“You need to go for your own good”, she
said with the attitude that I had already lost this
debate and I was one step from getting a Thwacker
to the head. She had made the appointment and was
now, literally, dragging me out the door.
“You’ll see, I’m fine”, I
reminded her as I picked up the car keys.
“That’s what I’ll put on your
headstone” she replied.
We arrived at the doctor’s office and I was
pretty confident that I had nothing to worry about.
After all, I reasoned, how bad could it be? Never,
ever ask that question…about
anything…ever.
The next hour or so went by in a blur of my
doctor going through a laundry list of my
substantial health issues, each item complete with
the morbid forecast if I didn’t change my
ways, with my wife by his side giving me the
“I told you so” nod after each one. I
don’t know which was more frustrating, being
told by my doctor that my wife was right all along
or living with the fact that I already knew what
she said was true and I had been too stubborn to
admit it and try to fix the problem. Either way I
was paying the price for my stubbornness and it
could have cost me my life. Needless to say I now
am more aware of what I eat and try to limit the
things that I know are not good for me, exercise
more and work on a better lifestyle. And my wife
has graciously cancelled the order for that
headstone.
It would appear that I do not own the market on
being stubborn. I myself have run across this
affliction with other men as well. For example,
when I ask Red Hat Society ladies if their husbands
would be interested in joining The Hard Hat
Brotherhood, I frequently get the reply “My
husband would never do a thing like that”.
When asked why not I almost always get the same
reply. That he is so stubborn and even after seeing
how much fun the Red Hat Society is for women, he
is unwilling to take the leap of faith and join a
club or organization that would bring friends,
relaxation and fun into his life. Which then begs
the question “Why don’t they want to do
it”?
The only answer that I can come up with is the
same reason that I didn’t go to the doctor. I
was too lazy to get interested in the reasons why I
should go in the first place. This was followed by
the arrogance that I was indestructible and
didn’t need to be troubled with such petty
things. Just as studies have proven that we need to
get yearly checkups to monitor and control the
things that can become a problem for us physically,
other studies have shown how much men need to
belong to social groups for their mental and
psychological well being. It is our stubbornness,
which keeps us from doing what is right, and
sometimes it takes a good kick in the butt or
Thwacker to the head to get us back on the right
path.
So, gentlemen, I would like you to consider this
your kick in the butt. You need to be involved in
social settings, you need to have friends, you need
to laugh and you need to have fun once a month at
the very least. This is every bit as important to
your well being as your yearly check up, not nearly
as expensive and far more enjoyable…especially
for those of us over 40 or 50…and you know
what I mean! Don’t take the lazy way out or
the “I’m fine” way out. Be as
interested in your mental health as you are in your
physical health. Find some guys, sign up to be a
Hard Hat Brotherhood Crew, get together and do what
ever is fun for you on a regular monthly basis.
That is all there is to it. I can guarantee you
that the benefits to your emotional, mental and
spiritual well-being will be evident about 10
minutes into your first gathering.
And don’t forget to send me an email and
let me know how it all turned out. It is great for
my well being to hear about the fun and friendship
going on out there!
Raising the Barn and
Lowering the Blood Pressure
Back in the mid 1800s the idea of “leisure
time” was a foreign concept. Most people
worked, finished the work and started some other
work. There was very little down time or time for
anything that didn’t directly involve making a
living. The majority of households were farming
families of one kind or another and working from
sun up to sun down was the norm not the exception.
Even for kids old enough to understand and be
taught there were chores to do each day. Women
worked not only outside the home, as in out in the
barn, out in the fields, out in the garden, but
they also were “housewives” that cooked
and cleaned and canned and washed and…well you
know the story. Even their supposed
“leisure” activities involved things that
were important to the household and meant a better
life for the family. Things like quilting, candle
making, knitting and sewing. Everything that went
on was for the survival and betterment of ones
family. It was not an easy life by any means.
Fast-forward a hundred years to the mid 1900s.
Almost all the tasks that were once done by hand
and took days are now done by machine and take only
hours and in some cases only minutes. This new
industrial age of faster and easier made leisure
time a common thing in modern America. Farming
became automated and took half the time, clothing
and blankets could now be bought in stores as well
as bread and milk. Candles and gaslights were
replaced with electricity which was quickly
followed by television, the family car and
telephones.
Leisure time took on new meaning and with it
came the birth of the country club, social
organizations, neighborhood organizations, travel,
resorts and of course the good ol’ backyard
cookout. Families got together for birthdays,
neighbors had each other over to talk about world
affairs. Card playing clubs met regularly and of
course there was the yearly family vacation.
Leisure time was as common as breathing.
Now fast-forward a mere fifty years to our
present day. We have come full circle. With the
advent of bigger better faster everything our lives
and time have now become overwhelmingly over
scheduled. Cell phones, computers and email, iPods,
Blackberries, 978 cable channels all scream 24/7
for our attention. The advent of wireless
communication makes anyone, anywhere available at
any time to everyone. Once again, we have no
leisure time because instead of needing to work
hard to survive, we need to work hard just to keep
up and meet all the demands we have placed on
ourselves. At this rate in another fifty years we
will be completely obsolete, as humans and the
world will be run for us by our machines. Zager and
Evans had it right with the song “2525”.
Don’t remember them? Think, “I,
Robot”.
Not surprisingly the incidence of stress and
stress related diseases has gone up ten fold since
our forefathers time as well as suicides,
bankruptcies and divorce. We pop more pills, drink
more spirits, eat way too much, don’t sleep
nearly enough let alone exercise at all and then
wonder why we are sick and tired all the time. The
tragedy is that we have done this to ourselves
folks. We have crammed our lives so full of
gadgets, stuff and running from one thing to the
next that we have forgotten about people and
connection and time to relate to those around us.
You disagree? Ok, when was the last time you
actually wrote a letter? Not an email, a letter.
You remember, the things that people used to do
with the stationary, a pen and stamps, in your own
handwriting. An actual letter to someone you care
about. I sure can’t remember the last time I
did. And guys, have you ever written a love letter?
Yeah, me neither. At least not that I can remember.
My communications with my wife now amount to a
quick phone call during the day, when I can fit it
in, and a quick “how are you, yeah fine here,
ok, love ya, bye”. That is the whole
conversation. Ironically, she has a handful of
letters, yes, love letters, yes, from someone else,
that she received almost 20 years ago. Why does she
keep them? And I quote “because they are proof
that he took the time and made the effort to tell
me how he felt.” She and this guy have been
best friends for many years now so no, I am not
offended or worried. She keeps the letters as
tactile, solid proof that once someone took time to
say how they felt. Wow. You can’t tie a cell
phone call in blue ribbon and read it again later,
can’t even do that with an email because it is
not the same. And their friendship has endured.
Interesting.
When was the last time you took the time to say
how you felt or just sit and watch the rain or
listen to some birds out the window? We have
modernized our lives to the point that our machines
now run us. We interact more with them than with
people. Which brings me to the Hard Hat
Brotherhood. The reason our organization is so
vital to men’s lives today is precisely
because we live such crazy frenetic lives. The
Brotherhood is a way to build in one day a month
where you interact with people, without appliances,
face to face and enjoy some leisure time together.
We offer the good old fashion barn raising type of
socializing where everyone met for a united purpose
to achieve a common goal. So what if that goal is
to watch a ballgame, outside in the open air and
yell and cheer until you are hoarse? So what if the
“barn” we are raising is actually a cold
one in between laughing at the guys fishing stories
of the one that got away? None of that matters.
What is important is that we are making time, for a
few hours a month to share ourselves and our time
with others of like mind and do some serious
relaxing. What matters is that we are choosing to
connect with other human beings, not machines. The
rewards are beyond measure in how we will feel when
we do have to return to work, our family
responsibilities and our crazy lives. Even a little
leisure time pays great dividends in distressing
and reenergizing our minds, body and spirit. So
find a crew in your area or start one of your own
and reconnect with yourself and others in a
relaxing, leisurely way at the next Hard Hat
Brotherhood event.
Now, where did I put that pen and stationary
Have fun, Live
longer
You know, having fun has never been a problem for
me. Give me a piece of string and a stick and I can
entertain myself for hours. Now that I live in the
modern age of wide screen televisions, broadband
connections and computer gaming, I have to work
really hard at being bored. Ironically, it is all
the high tech gadgets and gizmos at my disposal
that are directly contributing to my demise. Why,
you may ask are these modern conveniences
contributing to all our demises? Well, for one
thing they are just that, convenient. One
doesn’t have to DO much of anything to be
entertained. For another, during this uninvolved
entertainment one is more than likely sitting and
probably mindlessly munching and or drinking
something that is not good for the body.
I recently watched a commercial for a popular
beverage that shows a guy taking “baby
steps” to try to improve his health. You see
the guy sitting in a recliner. Then in a pathetic
attempt to show his new interest in physical
fitness he lowers his footrest and keeps his legs
out for about three seconds then breathlessly puts
the footrest back up and sinks into the chair in
exhaustion. The part that made me take notice was
that nagging voice in my head saying “geez,
that’s me!”. This recognition was quickly
followed by the equally disturbing question
“when was the last time I took a walk or
heaven forbid, worked out?” Funny how my
clothes have been tight lately, must be leaving
them in the dryer too long. The fact is, I have
been gaining weight and that is not good for my
health. We are in a country that is increasingly
growing larger around the middle and it is time we
just plain stopped it. Getting off our collective
butts and going out and having some fun is the
solution. Men tend to be less on the out and about
track and more on the in and relaxing track. What
we have to do is change our behavior, one step at a
time.
For the most part, no one likes change. It is
not easy to go against what the habit has been.
Guys tend to avoid change like the plague because
it takes us out of our comfort zone. But like any
journey the one to better health, both physically
and emotionally, starts with a single step. To that
end I am going to make a suggestion to all of you
that you decide here and now that you will take
better care of yourself and your health and that
you start to do this by taking one small step. Not
the type of small step our friend in the commercial
took, but a sincere step toward a better lifestyle.
Now, being a man I understand that the whole
motivation thing is a problem. I’m lucky, my
motivation for most things comes in the form of my
wife Char and her trusty 2x4 to the back of my
head. She claims I can be a bit stubborn and
resistant to change. She also is one smart cookie
and when her efforts at being nice fail, she
resorts to dirty tactics and pulls out that whole
“reality” thing. She has this way of
hitting me right between the eyes with “the
facts”. Like the fact that most men live an
average of 7 years less than their wives. The fact
that most men die of diseases or complications that
were almost entirely within their power to change
with a little effort. The fact that taking two 15
minute breaks a day and walking around the block,
office building or parking lot adds up to a 30
minute heart healthy aerobic workout, no added
calories from the vending machine, a reduced stress
level and a clearer head for the rest of the work
day. And the one I find most applicable to the Hard
Hat Brotherhood, the fact that we are hardwired
from our days as cavemen to be part of a
“tribe” and that doing so in this modern
age means our survival and well being just as much
as it did a million or so years ago. True, we no
longer have to worry about being eaten or stepped
on by a dinosaur, but we do have to worry about the
stress of our jobs, our family dramas, our own bad
eating habits, social isolation and sedentary
lifestyle killing us just as fast.
Did you know that according to many doctors an
isolated lifestyle for men in particular is just
plain not healthy? This also goes back to the
earliest times of man. If you wanted to survive you
did it as a group. Everyone relied on everyone
else. Some kept watch while others slept or ate.
Some hunted while others guarded the homestead. The
loners withered and died while the clan who played
together and stayed together ultimately survived.
Same thing in the here and now, we are happiest
when we share our lives and with others. Today many
doctors recommend that guys join a men’s group
purely for the health benefits. As much as men feel
they don’t need anybody else we are social
creatures and it is that communication with each
other that helps keep us whole. I see it many times
when I meet a new member. Many of them have no real
friends. Usually it is only the people they work
with and maybe have a drink with on the way home.
But there is no real friendship or fellowship. For
many busy men their closest friend is their wife.
This is usually a matter of convenience since they
live in the same place. I am not knocking this
arrangement and indeed I would be lying if I said
my wife was not my best friend and most trusted
ally. But face it guys, the women are different
than us. If you don’t believe me just ask your
wife or significant other her definition of “a
relationship”. I promise you, it is much
different than your definition. Not better or
worse, just different. Women being different is a
good thing for both them and us. It is that whole
balance thing. Think about it, would you want to be
married to or with someone who was only the female
version of you? For most of us that would give new
meaning to the term “identity
crisis”.
The fact of the matter is men need other men as
friends. All creatures need their own kind to
relate to. That is how I ended up with two neurotic
cats. My wife said having just one wasn’t good
because he would have no one to be friends with or
to relate to. So we got two and I must admit, they
are best friends and do have a version of hanging
out that is exclusive to them. If even cats need
this dimension of being with their own kind then
admitting that we need it is not so hard. True
friendship is the key. I am talking about the kind
of friends you turn to when you need someone to
understand what it is like to be a guy, a father, a
husband or a grandfather. Someone who understands
the special stresses felt at different stages in a
man’s life. Someone of your own kind who can
relate and speak your same language. Face it guys,
we need each other. And in this time of national
security crisis, war and natural disasters having a
friend to hang out with or call up is the least
expensive most rewarding thing you can do for your
mental health. A friend to take a walk with or go
hunting, bowling or play tennis with and you have
improved your physical health. A friend to laugh
with….well, you have hit the fountain of
youth.
The Hard Hat Brotherhood is here to offer all
men the opportunity to enlarge their circle of
friends in a painless, easy to use, inexpensive and
fun filled manner. One small step guys. That is how
you start. Take that step today and join a crew or
start your own. Bring a new guy to your next event.
Tell someone about us. To paraphrase Neil Armstrong
- one small step for you, one giant step toward
having fun, better health and longer life!
Guys Having Fun With Guys
Without It Getting – Weird
Being part of a growing men’s organization I
am constantly doing research on different
men’s issues. Interestingly enough I found
many new facts by reading the articles on the
MenStuff.org website. One particular area it
discusses is the topic of how and why it is good
for guys to belong to a club. It is a fact that it
can be down right unhealthy not to go out and
interact with others on a regular basis. The
problem is that many guys are not comfortable
making new friends, especially if they are of their
own kind. This paradox can be frustrating because
we find ourselves trapped between having to get out
of our comfy recliners and being stressed out over
the possibly of not being accepted in a new circle
of acquaintances.
I have observed that there is an almost phobic
feeling for a guy when presented with the challenge
of making new male friends. Before the Hard Hat
Brotherhood I had an incredibly difficult time
getting myself to meet and communicate with others.
Part of my apprehension was because I was a bit of
a recluse and preferred a solitary lifestyle to one
where I actually had to talk to another human. It
was much easier to sit in my comfy chair and just
watch the game. Another reason was the fact that I
hated the idea of rejection especially from another
guy. Heaven forbid I didn’t measure up to the
standards of someone else. Too short, too fat, too
geeky, not geeky enough, wrong class, wrong job,
wrong clothes, hair parted the wrong way, wears
glasses, loves seafood, hates spinach. My gosh, who
knows what all could be wrong with me and I will
never be accepted anyway so where the heck is my
remote? Yeah, much safer here where I understand
all the ins and outs of what is going on.
It is pretty plain to see that guys can have a
hard time busting out of their shell and improving
their lives. Now compound that with the fact that
guys do not want their interactions with other
males to get, you know, weird. Ever see the
situation where a new guy in the group is at a
sports event and the home team has just won by one
point in the absolute last two seconds of the game?
The men erupt hooting and cheering as they jump up
and down patting each other on the back and even
giving each other congratulatory hugs. Then somehow
the same hug that a second ago was a completely
natural expression of happiness suddenly becomes
– weird. A knee jerk reaction ensues and they
actually turn in opposite directions as if to say,
“Never saw that guy before in my life”.
The fear of being labeled is the leading reason why
they don’t want to put themselves in that
situation in the first place. It is a vicious cycle
that takes courage and a leap of faith to
overcome.
The thing to remember is that it can be done.
Men, when given enough encouragement or become
desperate enough will take the chance and join a
group, club or organization like The Hard Hat
Brotherhood. Recently I attended one of our many
Crew events. This is where a bunch of our guys get
together to do some “guy stuff”. We all
met at a local expo center to visit this
year’s Outdoorama; a virtual smorgasbord of
hunting, fishing and camping demonstrations. As we
started gathering at the main entrance I personally
was excited to meet one of our newest members. He
had just joined a week or so before and was part of
our Nomad Crew. Nomads are individual members that
cannot join established Crews due to travel or some
other thing that keeps them on the move. This being
the case that meant that he was coming to meet all
of us for the first time, alone. I realized how
courageous an act that was and when he walked up to
all of us and introduced himself I made sure that
mine was the first hand he shook. This helps me to
overcome my own latent fears. Practice makes
perfect.
One of the ways to overcome the fear of meeting
new people is to remember that you are only new
once. After that, you are one step closer to being
another part of the establishment. The approach to
meeting new people is also important. This is where
the old “fake it until you make it” credo
comes in handy. If you look confident and like you
are glad to be there, then it comes across that
way. Even if you don’t necessarily feel that
way, you can still put that image forward. The
irony is that when you act that way you do start to
feel that way. So then the question becomes how
exactly do you act that way?
The two things that anyone will notice first
when they meet you are your voice and whether or
not you make eye contact. Since both are part of
the introduction process of meeting anyone, those
are your best places to start. It is really pretty
simple. When you meet someone for the first time,
make eye contact, say hello and introduce yourself
with a solid, confident voice. That is all there is
to it. Now you are off to a good start and the rest
should be easier. And if you don’t do stellar
at these things right off just remember this; to
the best of my knowledge no one has ever actually
died of embarrassment. As my wife always says, try
not to take life too seriously, your never gonna
get out of it alive!
So what does this all mean? Are men doomed to a
possibly shortened life because we don’t take
the time to go out once or twice a month and
commune with fellow men? Could be, there is another
fact on the MenStuff website which mentions that
the average woman has six close woman friends of
which to talk to about personal issues. The average
man has only one and it is usually not even a man
but rather his wife. We know that there can
definitely be a health benefit if we go out and
interact with other guys. So it comes down to us
acknowledging our fears, taking a chance and
actually joining a club that you can feel
comfortable with. It is worth it. Do yourself a
favor and get out of that nice comfy chair; you
will be glad you did.
The HHBrotherhood: A
Complete Lack of Elegance
Being the founder of the Hard Hat Brotherhood I
have had the pleasure of observing what I refer to
as “Guy Behavior”. In other words, I get
to see first hand the actions and attitudes when
guys get together. Not “men” mind you but
specifically “guys”, which by way of
definition means when the veneer of a politically
correct man is removed and the true guy spirit
within is revealed. For example, the word
“man” equals a three-piece suit and tie
on an individual that can be taken to a social
engagement with minimal supervision. A
“guy” is that exact same individual who
is now hogging the remote control and eating cold
pizza in his underwear. No one said that
“guy-dom” was pretty; functional maybe,
but not necessarily pretty.
Recently an article in a Chicago newspaper
featured an interesting quote about the Hard Hat
Brotherhood that I thought to be profound. In the
article the woman basically stated that there was
an ever-growing group of men known as The Hard Hat
Brotherhood and that they “lacked
elegance”. When I read that statement I paused
for a moment and thought to myself, “well duh,
what did ya expect?” The profound part, which
I found humorous, was the fact that the lady being
interviewed had just finished singing to the
columnist “I’m a Little Tea Pot”.
Now is that a case of the teapot calling the hard
hat inelegant? Anyway, I loved the comment that we
lack elegance, in fact I believe that guys in
general love showing this very type of behavior.
Why else would we do things that are deemed
socially unacceptable to women? We have
elegance...of a sort. Do we not wear clean jockey
shorts to all our HHBrotherhood events? Do we not
proudly sport our neon colored hard hats for all to
see? Are we not the ones who extol the virtues of
hanging out with those of our own kind in the
spirit of true guystuffness? I ask you, is that not
elegance?
Maybe the appearance of inelegance is because
there are so many inelegant ways that guys can
present themselves. For example, did you ever see
how a guy repairs things? There are two key
components that are in every guy’s toolbox
without fail. These are duct tape and more duct
tape. We have a Crew in New Haven, Michigan called
Tools of the Trade. Foreman David Smith informed me
that their motto is “When Only The Right Tool
Will Do” and proudly displayed right smack in
the middle of their Crew logo is a big roll of duct
tape. Guys have found duct tape to be the great
equalizer of all men as far as fixing anything at
any time. Case in point; not too long ago one of my
home toilet seats cracked leaving the potential for
a nasty pinch if extra precautions were not taken.
The solution – after cleaning the wounded area
with the proper solvent, a vigorous quantity of #5
grade grey duct tape was applied. This was not only
to prevent the afore mentioned nasty pinch but also
to keep the broken area from further damage due to
constant use. Problem solved.
Another example of male inelegance would be how
guys act around their wives and girlfriends. We
would love to think of ourselves as dashing James
Bond types just oozing class and debonair
qualities. Unfortunately the only oozing that may
occur is a direct result of the double meat and
bean chili we had for lunch. Guys can’t help
it.
If we are out at some gathering and the game of
the week just happens to be going on at the same
time, what are we supposed to do? The solution is a
set of mini headphones and a portable radio. As
long as you are not discovered everybody is happy.
I am sure if the Pastor at my wedding had found me
out he would have given me the big thumbs up. He
had twenty bucks riding on U of M too.
After reflecting on my own guy behavior I have
concluded that the overall number of examples that
can be considered as inelegant are incalculable.
Yet even if most are deemed not “proper”
in social circles one in particular does merit an
honorable mention.
I believe that “zoning out” when in a
long-winded conversation with your significant
other is perfectly acceptable and should not be
considered as a lack of elegance. For those who are
not familiar with this term, and you know who you
are, zoning out is the semi-meditative state a guy
puts himself in when the afore mentioned
long-winded conversation with said significant
other reaches a point that: A) it no longer
contains any content that has significant relevance
to him, B) you suddenly find that your naval lint
is more interesting or C) you did not want to
participate in this conversation in the first
place. “Zoning” as guys call it, should
be considered a self defense mechanism and the key
reason many relationships last longer. The point at
which zoning can be considered a lack of elegance
is when your significant other catches you and now
realizes that you haven’t been listening to a
word she has said for the past fifteen minutes. For
this reason one should show some signs of restraint
in exactly how deep one actually zones out.
Ultimately, it is not that we as guys are trying
to denounce all proper behavior, rather I feel that
how we as men act around each other is what brings
us closer together. The ability to be ourselves,
regardless of the social norms usually observed is
what makes a HHBrotherhood event a time of
relaxation and fun. It is those shared moments when
the stresses of every day life are not so pressing
that we can feel the tension slip away. At this
point we are reveling in our complete, inelegant
guyness and loving every minute of it! Of course,
it is also right about this time that the double
beef and bean chili kicks in and the true
inelegance begins. But then, we are guys, it’s
what we do.
Self Realization
For Men or How We Can Be Our Own Worst Enemy
It can be said that guys in general are not the
most observant creatures on the planet. Woman, on
the other hand notice every detail and change to
almost everything around them. For us guys, a major
difference has to be readily identifiable before we
see any change. Allow me to offer a time- tested
example of this difference in observations.
I have lost count of the number of times
throughout my life when I was suddenly plunged into
the horrifying mind-field every man dreads worse
than his “yearly exam” (if you are over
40 you know what I mean). Can you relate to this
one? A woman you truly care about has done
something new to improve her looks and asks the
mother of all scary questions “So what do you
think?” Now most guys will have no clue what
she is talking about. I certainly never did. The
question hangs there in the air while the man does
a scan of her that would make any Star Trek
crewmember envious. Unfortunately, he can’t
come up with a thing that looks different. Now his
heart is racing, his palms sweaty as he realizes
that the precious seconds to answer this question
fast enough are flying by. Once that time has
elapsed no answer will matter anyway. As the last
nanosecond of time runs out he manages to blurt out
in desperation “LOVE the new hair style!”
only to watch the woman’s face fall in
disappointment as she sighs heavily and walks
away.
Why can’t guys realize the subtle changes
around them? I have found after talking with fellow
HHBrotherhood members that a common theme does
prevail. We are less apt to notice changes around
us if we cannot or do not assess and prioritize
importance in ourselves first. If we never expand
the borders of our immediate surroundings, either
physically or emotionally, meaning we don’t
break out of our usual routine of solitary pastimes
and begin to spend time together with other guys,
then we are cheating ourselves out of some of the
best richness life has to offer. I am in not way
suggesting that we neglect our responsibilities to
our families, jobs or other important communities,
merely that we look around us and see if we are
allowing time for ourselves to enjoy the company of
others of our kind.
Richard Wright once wrote: “Men can starve
from a lack of self-realization as much as they can
from a lack of bread." My goal with the Hard Hat
Brotherhood is to help men achieve self-realization
with regard to a basic need for socialization with
other men. This can be extremely frustrating at
times. We absolutely should go out and socialize
with other men on a regular basis; it is a natural
and needed part of a healthy lifestyle. The
frustrating part is that guys who need to do this
the most are the ones who resist it the most. Many
feel they don’t need to enrich their lives and
they are perfectly fine as they are. Emotionally
closed off, socially shut down and comfortably numb
maybe, but they are just fine.
I have come out of an enclosed bubble and I am
here to tell you that your whole world opens up
when you realize what you have been missing out on.
I have seen it with our members when they come to
one of our HHBrotherhood events. They actually say
things out loud like “I have not laughed like
this in years”, or “I should have done
this long ago.” Once you realize how good it
is to participate in a fun, comfortable environment
with friends you are never the same. The Hard Hat
Brotherhood provides a simple and fun way to do
this. Come on, give us a try. The worst that can
happen is a realization of the fun you have been
missing out on!
Origins Of The Hard Hat
Brotherhood
Sometimes it just takes a good THWACK to the back
of the head.
My name is Andrew Smith a.k.a. Andy, the Head
Hard Hat and I would just love to tell you that the
origins of the HHBrotherhood came to me as an
inspiration out of the blue. The truth is it was
more like a two-by-four to the back of the head
– THWACK!
You see, I’m a guy and before the Hard Hat
Brotherhood existed I exhibited typical guy
behavior. For fun let’s name that behavior
“Husband-Couch-Potatoitis” and I will
give you a few of the symptoms. See if these sound
familiar. I spent hours on end in front of some
sort of luminary device like a large screen TV,
computer monitor, gaming console… you get the
idea. So captivated by these seemingly harmless
appliances that the only communication I was able
to convey to my wife, Char, came in the form of
nods and grunts. Selective hearing soon set in.
That is when your wife gets no response to requests
like “take out the garbage” or “the
lawn needs to be mowed”, but does get an
immediate response to “honey, would you like a
cold one?”. Any of this ring any bells?
Unknown to me at that time I was sinking into a
solitary stagnant existence much like a hermit,
only with cable and broadband connections. Needless
to say, my wife was not too pleased with my
behavior and soon she started shopping around for a
two-by-four.
Char became involved with the Red Hat Society in
February 2004. When I say involved I mean like to
exist you need air, water, food and the RHS. The
kicker is I didn’t even realize at first that
she had started her own Chapter, named it the
“Flaming Red Divine Divas” and she was
now The Queen. I was too busy watching ESPN. Even
as the family room started to fill up with a wild
assortment of newly designed hats, feather boas and
rhinestones I was still oblivious. All I cared
about was that the three hat stands, complete with
large hats, on top of our projection TV did not
impede the current game of the week. My first real
recollection that something was up was when I had
to physically start moving the hatboxes out of my
computer chair. You see, I sort of had a
‘slight’ obsession with computer games
when I wasn’t watching television. As you can
no doubt imagine I was a bit slow on the uptake
back then. My constant self-isolation was building
stress in our marriage and the THWACK of all
thwacks was a comin’ but I still didn’t
have a clue. That was when fate stepped in.
My Queen was about to hold her first RHS Chapter
Event. An event is when a bunch of Red Hat Society
ladies get together and do things. I was in my
usual male mood of wondering why I had been taken
out of my busy schedule of watching television to
be dragged along to unload and help setup all of my
wife’s RHS stuff. Okay so I was a bit of a
jerk back then – remember this is in the past.
We finished the setup for her and the Red Hats
ladies started coming in. My wife looks at me,
smiles and waves and I realize that is my cue to
leave. Here I am, literally on the outside of a
restaurant looking in and waiting. As I am about to
start exploring my new outside environment, I
notice some of the other RHS husbands standing near
by. I knew one of them so I went over and we
started talking. Joking at first about our ladies,
the conversations then turned to more in-depth
topics. I suggested we find someplace to continue
talking and maybe get something to eat. Everyone
agreed and we ended up having a great time, just us
guys – go figure. After a few more RHS events
it became the normal thing to do. Drop off the
ladies, set-up the event and then go out with the
guys. We actually looked forward to meeting up just
as much as the ladies did.
After three or four months of doing this my wife
suggested that since I liked doing this so much,
why not start up my own guys club? My response was
typical male-like behavior; I rolled my eyes and
whined that “nobody is going to want to join a
guy’s club!”. “How do you know if
you don’t try?” she said, smiling that
sly smile that always means I already lost the
debate. THWACK! Well you know, maybe that
wouldn’t be such a bad thing to try.
She suggested that maybe we should have hard
hats and that way we could even decorate them. My
response was less than enthusiastic; I am thinking,
“you have got to be kidding me. No male in his
right mind is going to decorate something like a
hard hat and wear it out in public – No
Way”. THWACK! Hey, you know we would be a club
and we do want to draw some attention to ourselves
otherwise no one knows we are a club, right? Why
not. The guys thought it was a great idea and we
all started creating our own hard hats.
The Hard Hat Brotherhood was born and with it I
found a new outlet. Through this outlet I have been
able to maintain great friendships with guys all
around the country. I absolutely love being able to
not only go out with just the guys a few times a
month but also have combined events with our Red
Hat wives so we can share fun times together. As
men it is easy for some of us to just let ourselves
fall into an isolated way of existing. I have found
through the HHBrotherhood that it is also just as
easy to go out and make friends and actually enjoy
life instead of just passing through it. It took my
wonderful wife Char and several THWACKs to the back
of my head to figure this out. It is now my joy and
goal in life to help other men figure this out as
well. As young boys and men many of us were part of
“a gang” of some sort, be it sports,
band, science club, cars, poker night, etc. and
treasured those friendships. We now provide that
same type of friendship and interaction for adult
men. The guys know they have “Brothers”
all across the country and we are spreading around
the world.
The Hard Hat Brotherhood is now an international
organization made just for men and is currently
sweeping the United States and now all over the
world. Based on the simple premise that men
sometimes just want to go out and be one of the
guys. While participating in HHBrotherhood events
there are no rules, regulations or honey-do lists.
Any guy from age of 18 and up may join in the
pursuit of having fun doing “guy stuff”.
Please visit our website at
www.hardhatbrotherhood.com and be sure to sign
yourself up. General membership is free. You can
also email Andy, the Head Hard Hat at
headhardhat@hardhatbrotherhood.com and always
remember the Hard Hat Brotherhood motto:
Testosterone: Our Guys Are Full Of It!
©2010, Andy Smith
* * *
Source:
Andy Smith, HHBrotherhood Central, 8449 Parkridge
Drive, Dexter, MI 48130, or 734.846.2283 or
www.hardhatbrotherhood.com
or E-Mail.
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