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August
Driving in Cars with Vampires
Tom Matlack talks to his 16-year-old daughter about
the Twilight phenomena, vampires who love too much,
and healthy teenage relationships (if that’s
not an oxymoron).
I’m driving with my daughter, Kerry, and
we’re approaching a traffic jam. We’re
headed out of town for the July Fourth weekend.
Kerry went to the Eclipse midnight show last night,
and now she’s sitting copilot here and
we’re going to talk about the movie, manhood,
girlhood, and all things related.
Buckle up. My daughter has some things to
say…
ME: Kerry, sweetie, you’re on the
record.
KERRY: Hi. (Laughs.)
ME: So, let’s qualify your Twilight
stats. When did you read your first Twilight
book?
KERRY: I read them all before the first
movie came out. Part of the reason why the movies
are so successful is because there was this very
devoted fan group from the books.
ME: You’re 16 and going into your
junior year of high school. You told me earlier
that at school you’ve had some Sex &
Relationship education that made you think about
what a healthy relationship might look like, and
the warning signs of an unhealthy relationship.
KERRY: Yeah, we had to do this thing
where we determine when a relationship becomes
abusive or not healthy. And if you look at Edward
and Bella in Twilight, they kind of hit a bunch of
the marks. In the beginning of this movie, he takes
apart her car so she can’t go see Jacob,
who’s her best friend. He also watches her
sleep. If you pick apart the movie and take things
out of context, there are a lot of things that are
definitely creepy. (Laughs.) And yet they get
portrayed as being romantic.
ME: And what do you think about the power
dynamics of a teenage girl dating a vampire?
Clearly, they don’t have the same powers.
KERRY: Yeah, that’s definitely part
of their relationship, because he’s portrayed
as just so much—I don’t want to say
better than her, but yeah, better than her.
He’s incredibly attractive and intelligent,
and he’s a vampire. He has superpowers.
He’s incredibly strong, incredibly fast. And
so it isn’t at all a fair power relationship,
and he’s incredibly protective of her and
incredibly possessive.
ME: You’re a very strong-willed
young woman…
KERRY: (Laughs.)
ME: So why would you be attracted to a
movie that portrays a girl about your own age being
as submissive and overpowered as Bella is?
KERRY: Well, I think it’s
interesting. I think the Twilight movies and books
do a couple of things. First, they make it seem
like having that type of a relationship—like
having a guy take care of you—is what you need
to be happy. I also think they show that type of
dominant relationship as the ideal type
relationship. But you’re right. Why is that so
attractive? There’s so much pressure on the
way you look and how much you weigh and all that
craziness. And I feel like teenage girls often feel
they’re never good enough.
And when you’re a teenager, you’re
constantly trying to find who you are and figure
things out. You just want to be wanted, and teenage
girls have problems with being insecure and feeling
unwanted. And the whole idea with this Edward guy
is that this incredible, amazing, superhuman guy is
in love with her and will do anything for her.
Even though it borders on being totally
unhealthy, it’s like somebody wants you that
much, and that’s appealing to girls. Someone
is there to value you when you don’t really
value yourself, and that’s incredibly
attractive, even if it’s not necessarily
healthy. And I think teenage relationships
now—there’s so much hooking up or
whatever, and there’s the whole idea that guys
don’t actually care about relationships. I
feel like at my school, even, it’s not a
relationship-driven place.
ME: The writer of the book is Mormon,
right? So there’s no sex in the book.
KERRY: Exactly. Yeah.
ME: But don’t you think girls should
be taught that they shouldn’t need a vampire
to make them feel good about themselves?
KERRY: Yeah. (Laughs.) I do.
ME: So, why’d you go to the
movie?
KERRY: Because I can sit here and
intellectualize it, but at the same time, I’m
a teenage girl who kind of likes the idea of this
incredible romance where this guy is head over
heels in love with this girl and will do crazy shit
to keep her.
ME: Do you think it’d be possible
for there to be the same kind of popular cultural
phenomenon built around a different dynamic, where
a girl was able to find romance where she was more
dominant?
KERRY: I don’t really have an answer
to that question. I feel like I’m generally
pretty strong for a woman. But, like, being a
stronger woman, does it feel less romantic? I
don’t know.
ME: So there’s something unsexy
about a teenage female character who is strong?
KERRY: I don’t think I’d say
that.
ME: Or it’s less attractive?
KERRY: I wouldn’t necessarily say
that—I think it’s more of a weak guy
thing.
ME: You don’t want a weak guy?
KERRY: Yeah. (Laughs.) I think
that’s what’s unsexy.
ME: So if Bella was the vampire and
Edward was the human, then it wouldn’t work
because he would be weaker than her?
KERRY: It might not work. It could
potentially work. It couldn’t work—I
don’t know.
ME: So what are Bella’s supernatural
powers? She has some, right?
KERRY: Sort of, yeah. Her supernatural
power is that she can deflect supernatural
powers.
ME: Which makes her harder to get, which
is the whole paradigm. Women are hard to get, so
therefore it makes her more mysterious.
KERRY: I guess so. Well, it’s funny,
because Edward can’t read her mind, but the
reader is in Bella’s mind.
ME: At least in True Blood, Sookie can
read everyone else’s mind, which gives her a
lot of power. But she’s still not a vampire.
Twilight has kind of multiplied such a big cultural
phenomenon that there’s a dozen shows now of
vampires having sex and sucking blood of poor human
women all across the screen. (Laughs.)
KERRY: Yeah.
ME: I was disappointed, because some of
your most intelligent friends, who I thought were
going to hold out, apparently are fans.
KERRY: I don’t think they’re
necessarily fans. I think there’s a cult-like
phenomenon, you get swept up in it. Even if
it’s just to laugh and make fun of the
actors.
ME: I just think it’s really
unhealthy, though, that even the most intelligent
young women aren’t getting this message and
buying into the message that this is the way it
should be.
KERRY: They don’t necessarily think
that’s the way it should be.
ME: So it’s like eating ice cream at
night? It’s a guilty pleasure?
KERRY: Maybe. I think it’s looking
at what it is about society that makes girls feel
unwanted.
ME: So you don’t think Twilight is
the problem? You think it’s the underlying
phenomenon that makes Twilight successful
that’s the problem?
KERRY: This is addressing why
Twilight’s so attractive. In high school, guys
can just be not nice. And I think sometimes, the
idea that yeah, there’s something not quite
healthy about Edward and Bella, but it feels like
relationships often aren’t healthy and at
least with Edward and Bella, he really cares about
her and loves her.
ME: So if you’re a vampire but
you’re nice, that’s okay? That’s
kind of what you’re saying.
KERRY: Yeah, I guess so.
ME: All right. Got it.
KERRY: I feel like girls, for whatever
reason, want to find this soulmate that’s just
going to completely love them, and then for
whatever reason, it’s guys who want to hook up
basically with as many people as possible. And it
creates this really painful thing where I guess you
could say everyone gets screwed.
ME: So there are no girls who want to
just hook up?
KERRY: I’m not saying that it’s
that black and white. But I think as a whole, girls
want a relationship more than guys do. And guys
seem to want to just hook up with people.
ME: So girls have to participate in
that?
KERRY: Yeah, because girls convince
themselves that the guy is different, that
they’re going to hook up with a guy and
he’s going to actually care and want to
date.
ME: So you feel like very few teenage
boys are actually interested in—
KERRY: I don’t think it’s
necessarily that no teenage guys want a
relationship. I think there is something where a
lot of teenage guys find the idea of a relationship
scary.
ME: Relationships are scary, and so for
immature adolescent boys, a physical exchange is a
hell of a lot easier than revealing yourself and
exposing your emotions.
KERRY: Is it really that surprising in a
culture that has made it acceptable for guys to
hook up and screw over girls all the time that a
movie where there’s a guy who really, really
cares about a girl would be so popular?
ME: You think that’s what’s
driving the popularity—the yearning of teenage
girls to recover some emotional connection to boys
and their lives? That Edward represents what’s
been lost in our society?
KERRY: Yeah. More or less.
ME: All right, now I’m going to move
on to some of our standard questions that we ask of
people. Try to ignore that it’s your dad
asking you these!
KERRY: Okay.
ME: So, who do you think taught you about
manhood?
KERRY: My dad. (Laughs.)
ME: Really?
KERRY: I don’t know. (Laughs.)
ME: Okay, and what two words would
describe your dad?
KERRY: I don’t have two words.
ME: You got to try—
KERRY: OK. Does “real guy”
work?
ME: Sure. So, how are you different from
your father?
KERRY: I think I’m more of an
appeaser. I think we’re both pretty
introspective, but I generally make it focused
about other people. I’ve seen you make a lot
of people mad, just because of reactions, and
you’re fantastic. But, for whatever reason, I
feel like I have a fear of making people angry that
sometimes causes me to not say what I want to
say.
ME: From which mistake did you learn the
most? I know there are so many. (Laughs.)
KERRY: Oh my God.
ME: This is on the record, so leave out
the illegal stuff.
(Laughter.)
KERRY: I’m not going to use a
specific mistake, but lying and hiding from people
you love ends up hurting people more than helping
your situation.
ME: That’s a good one. When was the
last time you cried?
KERRY: When my grandmother died. On
Tuesday. I was sitting alone in my
grandparents’ house listening to a song I used
to listen to with her.
ME: What advice would you give teenage
boys trying to figure out what it means to be a
good man?
KERRY: (Laughs.) Thinking outside of
themselves a little bit would be a good one. I
think teenage guys sometimes get lost in the sort
of, like, camaraderie of what they’re supposed
to be doing, and doing the guy thing. I think
honesty would be a good thing. I also think taking
into consideration the consequences of actions and
people’s feelings, and that it’s not just
a game.
ME: Who is a man you respect? Who’s
the first person that comes to your mind?
KERRY: One is my grandfather—my
mom’s father.
ME: Why?
KERRY: He has an incredible love for his
family, and even though he’s made a lot of
mistakes in his life and there’s definitely
been a lot of times where he’s not necessarily
been what you might consider a good man, he has
risen through life. And he was unbelievably amazing
to my grandmother through the end of her life and
completely took care of her. It was really
beautiful.
©2011, Tom
Matlack
* * *
While all complain of our ignorance and
error,
everyone exempts himself. - John Glanville
Tom Matlack,
"I am a sucker for real-life heroes, particularly
the ones that get overlooked. My profile work grew
from my first published piece, THE RACE, which
describes my own life altering experience in an
athletic event barely worthy of the local paper.
Coaches and athletes in the sport of rowing were my
initial focus before expanding to mainstream sports
like professional basketball. Music, film, and
television have proven fertile ground for heroic
journeys of a different, but related, kind.
Finally, I have continued to write bits and pieces
of my own story in an attempt to inspire and
enlighten."
Thomas Matlack was Chief
Financial Officer of The Providence Journal until
1997. He was the lead investor in Art Technology
Group, which reached $5 billion in market
capitalization in 2001. He founded and ran his own
venture firm, started companies like American
Profile (sold to Disney for $260 million) and
Telephia (sold to Neilson for $560 million), before
turning to writing. His work has appeared in
Rowing News, Boston Common, Boston
Magazine, Boston Globe Magazine and
Newspaper, Wesleyan, Yale,
Tango, and Pop Matters.
In 2008, Matlack founded
www.TheGoodManProject.org,
with his venture capital partner James Houghton. He
has appeared on national and local television and
radio as well as print across the country. The fall
of 2009, Matlack led a non-conventional book tour
for The
Good Men Project that
started inside Sing Sing and ended in Hollywood
with a screening of THE GOOD MEN PROJECT
documentary film followed by a panel discussion
including Matt Weiner and Shepard
Fairey.
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