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Why Men Make Better Housewives Part 3
The third advantage you will find you have over
your wife when it comes to taking care of your
babies is your ability to withstand the unpleasant
noise of crying for longer periods of time. When
your child is first born, your wife will discover
that the cry of a baby—any baby—has a
disturbing effect on her. She will leak. God
designed women so well that they don’t have to
think about making milk. (By the way, making milk
is what breasts are made for, regardless of what
beer commercials might claim. The fun they bring us
is just an added benefit.) The sound of a wailing
infant will get those milk factories working
overtime. They know their job is to feed that baby
and shut it up. Only after there is silence or they
are drained dry by a thirsty suckler will they slow
production.
If no baby is quickly attached to a breast in
Milk Making Mode, it will reach capacity and
overflow onto whatever is nearby. This is usually a
blouse. This often happens in public. Women call
this “leaking”. Stupid men call this
hysterical. Smart men tell their wives that no one
can even notice the enormous wet stains on the
front of her silk blouse and that the dirty
sweatshirt she is wearing over it matches just
fine.
Men don’t have that problem (which is
another advantage of just being a man.) Baby cries.
Our nipples don’t react in the slightest. This
freedom allows us to A) continue working on the
engine or the dinner that the unhappy baby
attempted to interrupt, and B) not worry that the
shirt we wear out in public will show two big
stains on our chest at inopportune times.
Crying is the only way for Baby to communicate
what she wants, whether it’s food, a clean
diaper, or a different channel. Because men are not
saddled with the discomfort of leaking breasts, we
have less to distract us from understanding which
cry asks for each thing. And you just won’t
get all wet while you figure it out, like your wife
will.
Your ability to ignore a baby’s cries
should not be mishandled, however. If the baby is
crying, make him stop! Even if you haven’t
learned her language, try everything until you
reach silence. Remember in the movie,
“Babe”, when Farmer Hoggett dances to
make the pig get better? If that’s what it
takes, do it.
I have an uncle who equates a crying baby with a
healthy baby.
“What are you saying, little guy?” he
asks as the infant’s wailing echoes through
the house. “What do you have to say to the
world?”
He is not allowed to hold our kids anymore.
©2008, Mark
Phillips
* * *
Women, it's true, make human beings, but
only men can make men. - Margaret Mead
Mark
Phillips is a Stay-At-Home-Dad and freelance
writer. Along with raising his four children, he is
developing a franchise called “The Vacuum IS a
Power Tool.” It is designed to help SAHDs
maintain that which makes us men, instead of hairy
Mom-substitutes. He earned a B.S. in
Communication/Theatre Arts and teaching
certificates in English, public speaking, and
psychology from Eastern Michigan University. After
six years as a high school English teacher and
Director of Dramatic Arts at Powers Catholic High
School in Flint, Michigan, he changed careers and
became a Stay-At-Home-Dad. www.TheVacuumIsAPowerTool.com
or E-Mail
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