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Baby Soups an’ Plip Plops
Imagine waking up one day and discovering that
everyone around you only understood German—and
you didn’t speak German. Everything was as it
was the day before, except no one understood a word
you were saying. You understood them, but your
words were completely lost on them. That must be
what it is like to speak Toddler Speak.
Toddler Speak is that peculiar language created
by developing young minds that don’t have the
grasp of abstract ideas nor the coordination to
truly control their mouths and tongues as well as
they would like. Toddler Speak is different from
Baby Speak because speakers of Baby Speak
don’t expect to be understood. They really
don’t know what they want beyond food, sleep
and less smelly bottoms. Toddler Speakers know
exactly what they are talking about and what in
blazes is the matter with you, Dummy, that you
don’t understand them?
Toddler: “I want an apple with the skin cut
off and I want it in the blue bowl,
please.”
Foreigner: “You want to wear your boots?
We’re not going outside yet, Buddy.”
Toddler: “No, I want an apple with no skin
in the blue bowl, if you don’t mind.”
Foreigner: “You have to go potty? Okay,
come on over here and I’ll take your pants
off.”
Toddler: “Don’t touch my pants. I just
want an apple. An apple! NOW!”
Foreigner: “Now, now, don’t start a
tantrum. That won’t do you any good.”
Toddle: “Then get me the blasted apple! All
I want is an apple and I will be happy! Is that too
much to ask? What is wrong with you? Why won’t
you get me an apple? Oh, great. I just wet my
pants.”
This example demonstrates the source for the
Terrible Twos. Apparently, it’s the
parents’ fault. It also demonstrates the
benefit of having the parent who can best interpret
Toddler Speak be the Stay-At-Home while the kids
are growing into their mouths.
My wife is better at translating Toddler Speak
than I am. In fact, I’m not very good
understanding German, either, even though I studied
it in college and purchased three different
“Teach Yourself” programs since then.
When I hear, “blah gobbledy goo goo
blah,” my wife hears, “I want a peanut
butter and jelly sandwich.”
Once, at a hotel at Walt Disney World, both of
our two-year olds were having meltdowns because
Daddy had no idea what “I wah baby soups
an’ plip plops” meant. I understood the
“I want” part of the demand, but the rest
was a blur of poor enunciation. We were preparing
to go to The Magic Kingdom when the clash of
cultures arose.
“I wah baby soups an’ plip plops! Baby
soups an’ plip plops!” they screeched
from their tantrum positions on the floor.
“I don’t know what you are talking
about!” I bellowed back from on high.
My wife walked in. She bent down and quietly
said, “We aren’t going to the pool today.
We are going to Mickey Mouse’s house. You can
wear your bathing suits and flip flops
tomorrow.”
We all stopped crying.
I asked my wife if she would consider staying
home for a while, say eighteen months, while the
girls grew up a little and I learned how to speak
German.
©2009, Mark
Phillips
* * *
Women, it's true, make human beings, but
only men can make men. - Margaret Mead
Mark
Phillips is a Stay-At-Home-Dad and freelance
writer. Along with raising his four children, he is
developing a franchise called “The Vacuum IS a
Power Tool.” It is designed to help SAHDs
maintain that which makes us men, instead of hairy
Mom-substitutes. He earned a B.S. in
Communication/Theatre Arts and teaching
certificates in English, public speaking, and
psychology from Eastern Michigan University. After
six years as a high school English teacher and
Director of Dramatic Arts at Powers Catholic High
School in Flint, Michigan, he changed careers and
became a Stay-At-Home-Dad. www.TheVacuumIsAPowerTool.com
or E-Mail
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