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Athletic Supporters
Everyone needs hobbies. Working on something that
is not work and not a responsibility allows those
parts of us that we have to suppress to be free for
a short time. An accountant who paints on the
weekends does so because painting lets his
creativity flow. If he were “creative” at
work, it would be called fraud and he would be
arrested—or promoted.
When Stay-At-Home-Dads choose hobbies, they must
tap our primeval hunting, smelly, dirty, grunting,
neanderthal Caveman. They must unleash, for a short
time, our combative, defensive Gladiator. Because
these deep, ugly parts of us cannot be fully
released during our daily routine, we must find a
way to give them some air every once in a while.
One of the best places do this is on the playing
field. Playing sports is the ideal way to let loose
our predators, but following sports as a fan is a
good secondary choice. Besides, if you follow a
particular sports team, you can engage in the
manliest of endeavors: memorizing statistics.
That’s for a later discussion.
Did you know that the Olympics were originally
designed to test Greek soldiers? They competed in
games like wrestling and archery to demonstrate
their combative skills. I have heard that they did
it all naked, but that really is not pertinent
here.
Obviously, the criteria for becoming an Olympic
sport has changed a bit over the years. Just ask
Nison Aronov, the eight-time national ping pong
champion of Tajikistan, or Paal Trulsen, the
captain of the Norwegian curling team, which upset
Canada and won gold in Salt Lake City. Sports like
boxing and fencing are obvious descendants of
gladiatorial games. Others, like beach volleyball
and baseball, are not as clear.
Regardless of their Olympic standing, there are
sports that are manly and sports that are not. In
my opinion, which is based on years of extensive
sitting around and thinking, manly sports must have
all of the following criteria:
1) There must be hitting. This does not
eliminate non-contact sports. The thing being hit
can be an object instead of your opponent, although
mano-e-mano violence is best. In fact, in most
sports, it’s the ball or puck that gets the
most abuse. The manliest of sports involve a weapon
of some sort, as well.
2) There must be combative strategy. In the same
way Hannibal had to make his way over the Alps, a
sportsman must find a way to outsmart and
outmaneuver his opponent.
3) Finally, there must be the opportunity for
trash talking. Because we are pretty good at
belittling our opponents, this criterion eliminates
only a few sports, like PGA golf, bicycling, and
badminton.
When you stop to think of it, it is amazing how
many different sports are out there. They range
from the classic and demure, like croquet, to the
absurdly tough, like “Carrying Heavy Rocks
from One Place to Another Iron Man
Competition”. In between, there are manly
sports like football and rugby. There are also
wimpy sports like cricket and swimming.
Next week…a discussion of the manly sports
of hockey, boxing, and ping pong!
©2010, Mark
Phillips
* * *
Women, it's true, make human beings, but
only men can make men. - Margaret Mead
Mark
Phillips is a Stay-At-Home-Dad and freelance
writer. Along with raising his four children, he is
developing a franchise called “The Vacuum IS a
Power Tool.” It is designed to help SAHDs
maintain that which makes us men, instead of hairy
Mom-substitutes. He earned a B.S. in
Communication/Theatre Arts and teaching
certificates in English, public speaking, and
psychology from Eastern Michigan University. After
six years as a high school English teacher and
Director of Dramatic Arts at Powers Catholic High
School in Flint, Michigan, he changed careers and
became a Stay-At-Home-Dad. www.TheVacuumIsAPowerTool.com
or E-Mail
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