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Achieving Results
Medical statistics are like a bikini. What they
reveal is interesting, but what they conceal is
vital. This quote (that I wish I had thought up)
doesn’t really pertain to the column, but it
mentions statistics and bikinis, two things that
men enjoy thinking about.
Dr. John Gray of Mars/Venus fame says that a
man’s sense of self is defined by his ability
to achieve results—visible, empirical,
definable results. Men’s interest in sports
statistics backs that up. Years ago, I imagine that
when someone read about their favorite team in the
paper, they found the wins and losses columns.
Nowadays, wins and losses are joined by “games
behind the leader”, “goal
differential”, “interceptions
allowed”, “strikeouts”, “shots
on goal”, and a myriad of other important
pieces of information that any man needs to have an
intelligent conversation.
Men in the workforce have many ways to create
stats and see instant results of their work. First
off, they have a day that begins and ends. When the
day is over, they have worked 1 day. They receive a
paycheck every 2 weeks. They finish a certain
percentage of projects they were assigned by the
deadline.
Stay-At-Home-Dads want to see immediate results
in our work, also. The problem is that our
work—raising the kids—is an ongoing
process that never ends. Our days often run right
into one another. We don’t get paid, so
there’s no point in waiting for a paycheck. As
long as the family is not allowed to be naked,
there will always be laundry to do. The statistics
of our projects change every day our children are
alive.
In order to nourish this part of our masculine
makeup, we need to find other tasks to finish.
Playing or following sports are great ways to do
this. So are hunting, reading, and woodworking,
among others. You set a goal, you work toward the
goal, and either you reach the goal or you
don’t. There is no guessing. There is no
waiting. Your team won. You bagged a deer. You
finished the book. The birdhouse did not collapse,
killing the poor occupants inside.
Just as important as feeding this particular
personality trait is allowing it to be a little
hungry. When I took on the job of raising the kids
and maintaining the house, I knew there would be
sacrifices to make. Time with adults, using the
more advanced parts of my brain, and not screaming
at the sound of Barney are all on the list. The
most important sacrifice I have made is the step
away from the center of my universe. Life is no
longer primarily about making sure I feel
fulfilled. It’s more about my kids and how I
can help them to blossom. Getting the warm fuzzy
for a job well done just doesn’t rank as high
as it once did.
So to quantify my goals of “being a good
parent” and raising my children to be good
people, I will have to be content with the very
vague, very non-statistical “I’m trying
my best” and “they are pretty neat to be
around most of the time” answers. If I want to
get some cold hard numbers, I can use these: I have
four children. None of them will be allowed to wear
a bikini. I’m batting a thousand.
©2008, Mark
Phillips
* * *
Women, it's true, make human beings, but
only men can make men. - Margaret Mead
Mark
Phillips is a Stay-At-Home-Dad and freelance
writer. Along with raising his four children, he is
developing a franchise called “The Vacuum IS a
Power Tool.” It is designed to help SAHDs
maintain that which makes us men, instead of hairy
Mom-substitutes. He earned a B.S. in
Communication/Theatre Arts and teaching
certificates in English, public speaking, and
psychology from Eastern Michigan University. After
six years as a high school English teacher and
Director of Dramatic Arts at Powers Catholic High
School in Flint, Michigan, he changed careers and
became a Stay-At-Home-Dad. www.TheVacuumIsAPowerTool.com
or E-Mail
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