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Men and Intimacy
Q from a woman at the University of Maine:
Why is it that men have a harder time being
close? Why isn't intimacy as important to them as
it is to women?
Dr. Caron's Answer: I think it is
just as important, but for some men it is more
difficult to show or express. Keep in mind that,
even today, many men do not get the opportunity to
build "intimacy skills" while growing up. Women
tend to have more practice in this area. Little
girls are allowed to stay close and connected to
their mothers - while boys are "pushed out of the
nest" so to speak. Girls are allowed to touch each
other - while men can touch only in specific
situations (for example, during sports or during
sex). Research has indicated that women are more
likely to call a friend "just to catch up" - while
men talk to each other about doing things. It's
more acceptable for women to share feelings; many
men are still being raised to think it's "unmanly"
to cry or say they feel hurt. It takes time to
unlearn some of these messages and to recognize the
benefit of feeling free to express yourself and
feel close to someone. Developing intimacy takes
time. Fortunately, more and more men are
recognizing their desire to develop this
ability.
© 2010, Sandra L.
Caron
* * *
It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the
lover. - Marge Piercy
American teens have the worst of all
worlds...Our children are bombarded and confronted
with sexual messages, sexual exploitation, and all
manner of sexual criticism. But our society is by
and large sexually illiterate. Faye Westheimer
Dr. Sandra L.
Caron is a professor of human sexuality at the
University of Maine. To submit a question to Dr.
Caron or chat with your peers visit
www.CollegeSexTalk.com
Got a question for Dr. Caron? Visit
www.collegesextalk.com/questions.htm
and ask away! Get a guaranteed personal and
confidential response to your question:
www.my-secure-site.com/collegesextalk/
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