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My friend is going overboard? Should
I Say Something
Q from a Female, Sophomore at from Utah State
wants to know... I’m concerned about a
friend of mine who is infatuated with this woman in
our class. He has told her his feelings for her and
she said she wants nothing more than a friendship.
She’s a genuinely nice person who doesn’t
want to lead him on or hurt his feelings. Despite
this, he talks about her 24/7, calls her
constantly, and stops by to see her. He is starting
to make an ass out of himself—it’s
embarrassing. As his friend, I feel I should do
something, but I don’t want him to get mad at
me.
Dr. Caron’s Response: Let me begin
by saying that you are not responsible for your
friend. It’s not your job to protect him from
making an “ass” of himself. He is
responsible for his own behavior. I do think there
is something to be said for being honest, however.
For example, the next time he mentions her, you may
want to tell him that you are uncomfortable
listening to him talk about someone who’s
obviously not interested in him—and leave it
at that. It sounds like this is really between him
and the woman. You say this woman doesn’t want
to hurt his feelings; yet maybe she needs to be
more direct with him, even if it means hurting his
feelings. It sounds like he didn’t take the
gentle “hint” that she’s not
interested—since he’s constantly calling
her and stopping by to see her.
© 2008, Sandra L.
Caron
* * *
It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the
lover. - Marge Piercy
American teens have the worst of all
worlds...Our children are bombarded and confronted
with sexual messages, sexual exploitation, and all
manner of sexual criticism. But our society is by
and large sexually illiterate. Faye Westheimer
Dr. Sandra L.
Caron is a professor of human sexuality at the
University of Maine. To submit a question to Dr.
Caron or chat with your peers visit
www.CollegeSexTalk.com
Got a question for Dr. Caron? Visit
www.collegesextalk.com/questions.htm
and ask away! Get a guaranteed personal and
confidential response to your question:
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