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Long Distant Relationships
Question from a freshman male student at
Berkeley College: My current girlfriend of 8
months is going away to Boston University. And she
wants to stay with me when she does go away...And
im afraid that she is going to play me, because
thats what people tell me all the time that when a
girl who dorms away and has a boyfriend, it really
doesnt last. She told me she is not that type of
girl to do that. And i asked her if she wants to be
single during her first year of college and she
said no...but i dont know if i know that she wont
play me when she goes away to college.
Dr. Caron's Answer: While long distance
relationships can be tough, some of the best ones
are based on a solid foundation of friendship -
which you are building with her now. I would trust
her when she says she wants to continue your
relationship rather than listen to what other
people who are outside your relationship are
saying. You are dating her - not them. While you
are right about how sometimes being apart does not
"make the heart grow fonder", on the other hand, a
relationship that has a solid foundation of trust,
honesty, love and caring can continue to flourish
despite the distance. While there are no guarantees
of faithfulness or longevity in any relationship -
whether she stayed with you on the west coast or
moved to the east coast by herself, it will be
important to keep the lines of communication open.
It may be useful to talk with her about how you are
going to handle the logistics of this relationship
- phoning, e-mail, visits, and spending school
breaks together, as well as the long term plans for
being together down the road. This may ease some
concerns you have about losing her. You may also
want to spend some time examining your own
expectations for a dating relationship. Perhaps you
would prefer to have a relationship with someone
who is physically located where you are - someone
to spend time with , play with, touch... it will be
important to explore your own desires for a
relationship and determine if a long-distance one
is suited for your needs as well. Best wishes.
© 2007, Sandra L.
Caron
* * *
It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the
lover. - Marge Piercy
American teens have the worst of all
worlds...Our children are bombarded and confronted
with sexual messages, sexual exploitation, and all
manner of sexual criticism. But our society is by
and large sexually illiterate. Faye Westheimer
Dr. Sandra L.
Caron is a professor of human sexuality at the
University of Maine. To submit a question to Dr.
Caron or chat with your peers visit
www.CollegeSexTalk.com
Got a question for Dr. Caron? Visit
www.collegesextalk.com/questions.htm
and ask away! Get a guaranteed personal and
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