When you run into someone who raped
Question from a female senior wants to know:
How should I react to meeting the guy that
"date-raped" me three years ago? Should I hate him?
Try to be civil? What should I do? It is upsetting
to see him.
Dr. Caron's Answer: I think you should do
what feels right to you - be honest with yourself.
Naturally, you have some very negative feelings. I
would not encourage you to pretend that everything
is just fine between the two of you. In fact, I
would make it clear that things are NOT OKAY
between you. I'm curious: Does he realize what he
did to you and how it has affected you? Some women
I have worked with in the past have found it
helpful to write the guy a letter - spelling out
exactly how the rape affected them. Also, have you
ever talked to anyone about this? If not, I would
recommend you call your local counseling center to
meet with one of their staff or, if you prefer to
be more anonymous, you could call your local Rape
Response Service. Many women find it helpful to
talk to someone who can offer support. It sounds
like a very uncomfortable situation to be in. I'm
sorry you have to deal with it at all.
© 2010, Sandra L.
* * *
It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the
lover. - Marge Piercy
American teens have the worst of all
worlds...Our children are bombarded and confronted
with sexual messages, sexual exploitation, and all
manner of sexual criticism. But our society is by
and large sexually illiterate. Faye Westheimer
Dr. Sandra L.
Caron is a professor of human sexuality at the
University of Maine. To submit a question to Dr.
Caron or chat with your peers visit
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