Sex Talk

Is there a way to orgasm faster without clitoral stimulationis?

Q from a female, senior from U W Milwaikee wants to know....I have been going out with my boyfriend for 5 years and we've experienced sex many times. I don't always orgasm and I know that is normal, but I want to know how if there is a way to orgasm faster without clitoral stimulation or using anything other than his penis and my vagina. I am not sure if there is a possible answer for this question, but it keeps getting harder and harder for me to orgasm. Thank you.

Dr. Caron's Answer: I think you raise a really good question: What makes someone orgasm? and we certainly have the extremes from women who say they can orgasm just by thinking about a hot passionate love women who can reach orgasm only after hours of touching and stimulation maybe. Most of us fall somewhere in between. For most women, it is stimulation of the clitoral area - whether indirectly through intercourse or more directly by someone actually touching the area. I am wondering if you might find it helpful to have either you or your partner stimulate this area during intercourse...possibly changing positions so it is easier to reach (for example, some people prefer what is commonly called "doggie style" to make it easier for her to stimulate her own clitoris). I also think this may be a good time to invest in a vibrator.... and bring this into the bedroom with you and making this a threesome... so to speak. The Sinclair Intimacy Institute ( ) also has a new video called, Toys for Better Sex, that may offer you some ideas beyond using a vibrator to stimulate both you and your partner. I am not saying all this because I want you to be able to reach orgasm faster... In fact, I think taking separate turns with your partner - where you each enjoy an orgasm at your own pace - is probably better and much more relaxing than feeling pressured to hurry up and have one... so maybe talking with your partner a bit more about this would be useful. Finally, I do not want to overlook the fact that you also brought up the issue of how long you have been in your relationship - and I wonder if you have found that over time - over your 5 years together – your sex life together has gotten a bit "stale" - which is not uncommon - and if so, that will take a bit of creativity on both your parts to bring the spark, passion, and surprise back into the relationship! Again, talking about your desires and how to keep the pressure off and the pleasure on will be useful. Best wishes!

© 2010, Sandra L. Caron

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It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover. - Marge Piercy

American teens have the worst of all worlds...Our children are bombarded and confronted with sexual messages, sexual exploitation, and all manner of sexual criticism. But our society is by and large sexually illiterate. Faye Westheimer

Dr. Sandra L. Caron is a professor of human sexuality at the University of Maine. To submit a question to Dr. Caron or chat with your peers visit Got a question for Dr. Caron? Visit and ask away! Get a guaranteed personal and confidential response to your question: or E-Mail

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