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"Prior to gaining primary custody of my three
sons in 1992, I led the single life of a divorced
man and enjoyed a rewarding career. I traveled
about 70% of the time, lived alone in a nice
apartment, and accepted my role as a visiting
parent. But when my ex-wife asked, "How would you
feel about the boys coming to live with
you?" I immediately said, "Yes!"
"The day I arrived home with my children was a
Sunday, halfway through a two-week school break. My
kids were out of school, and I had to work in less
than 12 hours! What about my job? My
career was in full bloom, and I was on my way up.
What was I to do? I had a business trip
starting in a week. Who was going to watch my
children?"
The article goes on to tell the story and with
it makes some suggestions like: "The first step to
a positive outlook is cutting the strings from the
ex-wife and accepting that the relationship is
over. For many, letting go is difficult. Some men
hold onto unrealistic expectations and at times act
stupid. No doubt, breaking up is hard to do, but
when ending a relationship is inevitable, make it
as easy as possible for yourself." The author then
goes on to give 30 suggested steps to accomplish
this.
The author includes some statistics that most
men in the men's movement know very well but don't
seem to get much play in the press.
"The real winners in a father-child relationship
are the children, for without a father, children
face overwhelming odds against living a productive
life. Imagine your child as part of these recent
Census Bureau statistics of fatherless homes: They
account for 63% of youth
suicides, 90% of all homeless and runaway
children, 85% of all children exhibit behavioral
disorders, 80% of rapists motivated with displaced
anger, 71% of all high school dropouts, 70% of
juveniles in state-operated institutions, 85% of
all youths
sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless
home, 70% of long term prison inmates, the majority
of teen mothers."
Source: Divorce,
Winter 01 from the author's book Bachelor Parents
and Their Functional Families www.bachelorparents.com
* * *
A fundamental defect of fathers is that they
want their children to be a credit to them. -
Bertran Russell
* * *
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