Newsbytes thru 1999
Menstuff® adds information on various issues
weekly. We present a new issue each day at Today.
See the list
of issues for each month.
What is the media saying of concern to men?
Menstuff® has taken excerpts from many periodicals and included
our comments - good and bad alike. Here is the archive for
1999. See also 2003,
A click on the photo will often provide a larger photo or additional
information regarding the topic.
A variety of current information is also
2002 provides reviews the media's
portrayal of men in advertising and the media. See 2001,
also. For an index of these and additional stories, see
After reviewing some of these topics, we encourage
you to write the corporations and the government and give them your
of the Week selects a particular action to
take for the week. Change doesn't usually take place when only one
complaint is received. If you want to be part of the solution, let
them hear from you! Here's
Pages | Free
Times | LA
Weekly | Nashville
Weekly | Seattle
Weekly | Village
Media's Portrayal of Men
here for comments on the portrayal of men
News for/about Men
Soup for the Chicken's Soul
they growing up too fast?
Liberation? Women's Liberation. Gay
Liberation? How free do we really want to
American Psychologist reports "Fathers aren't essential to the
well-being of children."
The author of
Backlash may be Taking Back her Earlier
Fall TV Has Cups Running
Me Negro, Black or African-American?
How to Design a Life
Sex - It works on so
We're Up to Our Ears in
Boy? Girl? What's
1999 Nat Conf on
All About Men.
McGwire Just Another Druggie
New Postage Stamp Raises
Awareness About Prostate Cancer
"If breast cancer
targeted men rather than women, emphasis on research leading to a
potential cure would have taken on an added sense of
Report: School Violence
Love in the
Grim new numbers on
The Beat Goes
On: Latinas and domestic
Secret Lives of Teens
15 viewpoints on
Fear, including ours.
Latest on Ritalin: Scientists last week said it works. But
how do you know if it's right for your
Trokia's wit, wisdom
and wherewithal on men.
Is there a Natural
Unwanted Sex. What
constitutes "consent"? What constitutes
The Business of
answer some of new parents' questions.
A 21st Century look at How
Doctors will see Us - and Heal Us.
Response to Media's
Portrayal of Men (Click
here for comments on the portrayal of men
The Mask of
Women Ran the World
Special Rights for
and Stones and the school yard
Laugh at Me
Forgotten Victims: Conductors ,
Man Bites the Dust
rape out of wine: Oklahoma uncorks a bad
being a tourist in Florida is dangerous. It is, especially if you
Anorexia: One million victims, ashamed and
"Men have five fewer
years to enjoy life versus women. That's good
"Michael J. Fox -
you're never too young to get a complete health
"So You Wanna Kill
Yourself? Gays and
Age Extended. Two fewer years to enjoy
We know that "No" means
"No. So, does "Yes means "Yes"? The answer is "No"!
"Viagra news coverage
concerning discrimination in insurance
breast cancer targeted men rather than women, emphasis on research
leading to a potential cure would have taken on an added sense of
urgency." The true story during National Breast Cancer awareness
Continues to Promote Domestic
Supports Women's Violence against Men and
Supports Adult Female Teachers Seducing Their High
There Are No Criminals -
Just A Lot of Lost Souls
Men are from Mars,
Women are from Venus, but we have to live on
Hamilton and Testicular Cancer
Mother's Day -
in Skirts - Homophobia in Our Military
are Telling Parents
What publishers are
telling our children
What publishers are
telling our teens
C B M
News For/About Men
Soup for the Chicken's Soul
Have you ever noticed Jack Canfield's "Chicken Soup of the Soul"
series - Stories to Open the Heart and Rekindle the Spirits"? They've
got one for about everyone and everything. There are ones for women
(2), celebrating women, woman's songs, mother's soul, mother's heart,
couples, parents, singles, singles/divorced/widowed, friends,
everyday heroes, those over 50, birthday girls, kids, teenagers (3),
teenage relationships, college, for survivors, for cancer survivors,
cancer patients and their loved ones, for loving and learning, for
unsinkable souls, to renew your faith, uplift your spirit, for
Christians, Christian Families, country soul, work, creativity in the
workplace, golfers, even recipes and cat & dog lovers and other
critters. There's activity planers for mothers, pet lover's, and
work. And another series of "A Little Spoonful of Chicken Soup
for the Soul" for women, teenagers and friends. They come in cloth
and paper, abridged, regular and large print, English and Spanish,
books, calendars, journals, or appointment books, 2nd Helping, 3rd
Serving, 4th Course, 5th Portion, 6th Bowl, Another Sip, Best of, and
on and on and on. In these 182 different versions, however, there
isn't one for men, fathers, boys, celebrating men, etc. And from the
looks of the ones that have already been announced for publication in
2000, there aren't any on the drawing board. I find this very
revealing about this and some other "spiritual" or "new age" work.
Even though men are often the authors, they prefer not to talk about
themselves or their kind. Is the reason that they don't think men can
use it, need it, or benefit from it? No, it's greed - most books are
written by women, most books are purchased by women, most "men's
books" aren't runaway best sellers, so they will sell more copies
about "Chicken Soup for critters" than for men, fathers or boys.
Maybe someday, when they've totally run out of innocuous titles like
"The 6th Bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul", then, maybe, they'll
consider putting together something for men. I wondered if
that thinking had gotten that far with the "Chicken Soup" people, so
I called them at 954.360.0909. "Maybe in a year or two we'll put one
out for fathers." Maybe they're just plain chicken? If you're an
optimist, send a story for possible publication to Men/Fathers,
PO Box 30880, Santa Barbara, CA 93130. If you're a
pessimist, write the publisher at Health Communications, 3201
SW 15th St, Deerfield Beach, FL 33443 to point out to their
Men's Liberation? Women's Liberation.
Gay Liberation? How free do we really want to be?
The Fall/Winter, 99 issue of Enlightenment, looks at the issue
through several different author's perspectives. Andrew Cohen starts
with an overview, then a feminist activist and author, Elizabeth
Debold, speaks with her male spiritual teacher, Andrew Cohen, about
why women's liberation and spiritual liberation have nothing to do
with each other in a piece called "Liberation Without a Face". Then
Susan Bridle interviews Mary Daly in "No Man's Land" while Craig
Hamilton interviews Sam Keen, pro ported to be "a men's movement
pioneer" who is calling for an end to 'the gender game' in "Get Over
It." Amy Eaelstein interviews Jose Cabezon in a piece called
"Gay/Straight, Man/Women, Self/Other: What would the
Buddha have had to say about gay liberation?" Daniel
Piatek, a student of Andrew Cohen, writes about "Gay Liberation".
Susan Bridle also interviews Kate Bornstein in "Gender Outlaw" and an
interview with Marion Woodman concerns "the emergence of the black
goddess" in "Taming Patriarchy." Definitely a keeper.
There's a new book out called The
Nurture Assumption which makes the claim that it's our children's
peers that shape our children's lives and parents don't have much, if
any, of an impact regardless of whether we were abusive or nurturing.
Coupled with the report in The American Psychologist (see
following report "Fathers aren't essential to the well-being of
children", this appears to be some various dangerous work, some by a
woman who has no clinical or research background, and the other by a
couple of psychologists. In looking at this subject, think about
this. Adolescence raised without a father present have a higher
dropout rate, higher teen pregnancy, higher truancy rates. In a time
when we are working to encourage fathers to be more involved in their
children's lives, we have this whole anti-father/anti-parent movement
- like "I'm not responsible as a parent." Another perspective is
presented in the Fall, 1999 issue of Getting
Men Involved which reports the following: 1. According to a 1996
Gallup Poll, 90.3 percent of Americans agree that "fathers make a
unique contribution to their children's lives." 2.
A study on parent-infant attachment found that fathers who were
affectionate, spent time with their children, and overall had a
positive attitude were more likely to have securely attached infants.
3. A study assessing the level of adaptation of one-year olds
found that, when left with a stranger, children whose fathers were
highly involved were less likely to cry, worry or disrupt play than
other one-year olds whose fathers were less involved. 4. Father-child
interaction has been shown to promote a child's physical well-being,
perceptual abilities, and competency for relatedness with others,
even at a young age. 5. A survey of over 20,000 parents found that
when fathers are involved in their children's education including
attending school meetings and volunteering at the school, children
were more likely to get A's, enjoy school, and participate in
extracurricular activities and less likely to have repeated a grade.
6. Using nationally representative data on over 2,600 adults born in
the inner city, it was found that children who lived with both
parents were more likely to have finished high school, be
economically self-sufficient, and to have a healthier life style than
their peers who grew up in a broken home. 7. In a 26 year
longitudinal study on 379 individuals, researchers found that the
single most important childhood factor in developing empathy is
parental involvement. Fathers who spent time alone with their kids
performing routine childcare at least two times a week, raised
children who were the most compassionate adults. And the studies go
on. It is difficult enough to get divorce lawyers, family courts and
state welfare agencies off the perspective that basically says the
father's contribution to the family is monetarily based. So, they
don't feel responsible to develop programs of father involvement
outside of the realm of support. Even programs like California's
"Declaration of Paternity" is basically intent on finding out who the
natural father is so that the state can establish parentage or child
support. It gives no guarantees that you will have any other rights
as the father of the child. Programs like Getting
Men Involved and publications like Getting
Men Involved are important for the well-being of all communities
and this country. If we don't start emphasizing the importance of the
father to the child, as Michael Meade says in his book Men
and the Water of Life, "they will burn down the culture".
What are you waiting for - the fires to start in your community?
Believe me, if you haven't looked closely, recently, they are already
smoldering. Get involved to Get Men Involved in their children's
There's a new men's publication on newsstands today. It's the
premiere issue (9/99) of Men's Urnal with Harrison Ford on the
cover. He has his fingers in his back pockets and a rather chagrined
look on his face. The shadow makes his jeans around his crotch look
soaked. The main headline reads "The Great Life." The interesting
thing is that it looks amazing similar to the publication Men's
Journal. Check it
aren't essential to the well-being of children."
According to an article in the Orlando Sentinel, columnist
Kathleen Parker reports that an article in the 6/99 issue of the
American Psychological Association's publication The American
Psychologist, "Deconstructing the Essential Father" by
researchers Louise B. Silverstein and Carl F. Auerbach. They write
that "...the argument that fathers are essential as an attempt to
reinstate male dominance by restoring the dominance of the
traditional nuclear family with its contrasting masculine and
feminine gender roles." Kathleen comments that their overt honesty
embraces neither scientific credibility nor moral authority. What
they want is simply wrong to the vast majority of Americans who
believe in the traditional family, who live by their commitments, and
who know through life experience that mothers and fathers do matter.
Most men and women will recognize these new "findings" for the bogus
nonsense they are. The idea of "the nonessential father" could become
tomorrow's textbook lesson for elementary students. She warns
"Parents should not ignore these tidings as mere musings among
academics but see them as the danger signals they truly are." (Ed. We
have inquired about getting a copy of the actual article to make our
own comments and will update this piece if we get any additional
information. Until then, we recommend caution. Many psychological
theories, from Freud to the lesser known, have, and continue to
severely damaged thousands of people. This could be another one of
author of Backlash may be Taking Back her Earlier Claims
On the cover of Newsweek's 9/13/99 issue, Susan Faludi, author
of Backlash, a book filled with outlandish statements about
men, may be changing her stripes in order to sell some more books.
The new book, reported by Newsweek to be called Why Men
Should Get a Break, A feminist's surprising take on the new male
dilemma, but actually titled Stiffed: The
betrayal of the American Man, talks about things most men
have known long before she every wrote her first book. If she'd
stopped long enough to talk to any of them, or to their male
therapists, or anyone in reevaluation counseling over the past 30
years, or read any of hundreds of books on men's issues, she would
have known that the average male doesn't feel he has any power and
not much control over his life. It's worth reading the
Newsweek article at your local library, but wait until the
book gets there versus supporting someone who has made a lot of money
in her previous work at men's expense. It's not time to forgive,
especially when she stands to make a lot of money at this latest
New Sex Drugs
The 9/99 issue of Discover does a cover story on "The Race to
create passion on demand." The story covers a new crop of designer
drugs in the works that will allow you to pick a potion that
guarantees good sex even if you or your partner don't much feel like
The XXX Files
Lust is in the air and on the air waves. In fact, it's saturating the
airways (see "Fall TV has Cups Running Over" below). And Oprah,
on one of her recent shows on fashion that was so popular it was
selected as a special repeat, announced that underwear is out (not
meaning bra straps and underpants hems showing, but stating that the
new style for women is going without any underwear). Dawson's
Creek's Season Premier opens with a stripper going down on
Dawson, who is just starting his Junior year. We don't know that it
happened, but he crashed his father's boat in the process and ended
up having a bunch of stripper's at his house to earn enough money
from the boys in school to pay for the boat and dock repairs. In the
print media, it's gone way beyond the places where we would expect to
see it - magazines like Sex
Life and Libido.
Sex is plastered over magazine covers on everything from Entertainment
Weekly's "Sex on TV: It's everywhere you
turn, but just how far will it go?" to USA Weekend
showing Heather Graham's unbuttoned blouse, to Rolling
Stone with Angelina Jolie selling their "Hot List 99" to
with comparable pictures of a teen from 1950 with the lacey mid-cut
top to today's teen displaying her cleavage (note the same head tilt
that hasn't changed in atleast 50 years). TV Guide
plays up "TV's 16 Sexiest Stars" and provides one cover for women
with a no-smile pose by David James Elliott of Jag and another
cover for men with Alyssa Milano of Charmed, showing much
cleavage and her hand between her knees with a hiked up red dress.
& Country's Special Fashion Issue Elegance
2000 has Annette Roque Lauer in an Armani low-cut and Golf
has supermodel Heidi Klum with a cleavage shot to the naval with the
tease "as you've never seen her before - in your pants." Then there's
Geographic showing a woman in sexy black leather with the
older woman to her left covered by a promotional flap. From Instyle
& Soul, to Mode,
Health, to Newage,
Today and Discover
- sex sells general magazines on the newsstand. And, the "Swim Suit"
issues have gone from Sports
Illustrated to American
Baby, to Muscleman,
and even Cracked
magazine, thought it was something to spoof.
You'd expect men's magazine to play it up, but the magazines where
almost every cover features a woman in a low cut and something with
the word "sex" in it, are the women's magazines. From Harper's
Bazaar for adult women "Fall's New Dress
Code: 100% Sexy. Sharp suits." and similar messages
to adolescent girls in the new ComsoGirl.
Maturity has two cover stories in their 9-10/99 issue -
"Great Sex: What's age got to do with it?" And "Who's Sexy Now?"
Check out what is going on in women's magazines
as well as what the industry is tell our adolescent
girls - CosmoGirl even has a young male centerfold for
their teen audience with his underwear showing. And, one final note.
It's nice to see, finally, that one of the national magazines
below) has exposed women's magazines, something we have been
doing for years. Celia Farber writes in the article's subhead "Men's
magazines get accused of exploiting women. Have you see a women's
magazine lately?" firstname.lastname@example.org
See additional information and articles on this subject under
Fall TV Has Cups
It figures to be an entertaining TV season. Which means that out
of more than three dozen new network series, seven or eight deserve a
peek. But this is no longer your father's television cosmos. For one
thing, your father has been summarily judged too old to watch most
network TV . Instead, programmers are luring young viewers with
a mixture of sex and shock. It seems that this falls TV lineup is a
barrage of people looking for it, talking about it, or having it.
ABC, Fox, the WB and UPN are leading the charge.
The pilot episode of every new ABC show, except "Snoops", deals
with young people including a 15-year-old boy, having or seeking sex.
And that's the Disney network. Fox is dead set on shocking the public
into paying attention. Fox's "Action" is a scathingly funny
satire of Hollywood. But it comes within a nano-bleep of introducing
the F-word to the TV prime-time lexicon. Christmas carols ("Do you
see what I see?") become audio sexual puns. The female lead is a
prostitute. Eventually, the pilot episode's key plot device is the
size of a studio mogul's penis. "Get Real", a domestic comedy-drama
on Fox, begins its broadcast life with the "oh, God, oh God, oh God"
wail of a woman in orgasm. "Malcolm in the Middle" starts with a
housewife shaving her husband's hairy back while he stands nude at
the breakfast table, perusing the morning paper. Later, she does the
laundry and answers the doorbell topless. Of course, the camera
The first words in the pilot of a WB high school drama, "Popular",
spoken by a teenage girl: "Have you ever stood naked in front of a
mirror and looked at yourself?" Later she imagines one of
her teachers unbuttoning his shirt and unzipping his pants in front
of her, and she wonders, "If he saw me naked, would he
UPN has decided this year that it's the network for teenage boys.
While UPN isn't especially frothed sexually, its programming
centerpiece is "WWF Smackdown!", featuring the mock violence of
NBC promised in January to pare gratuitous sexual content from the
network's prime-time shows, and the fall lineup suggests that they
are making good on their word. Then again, NBC's "Cold Feet" pilot
included a scene of one of the male leads serenading his girlfriend
in the buff, with a rose jammed between his buttocks. It made a
little sense in context. But, the most extravagant new series on NBC
is "The West Wing", a Wednesday drama about the inner workings of the
White House. Let's just say that it's not as sexy as what we've
learned about the real thing.
When Nature Calls
Your on a backpacking adventure, or driving across the country. There
aren't any bathrooms around and your significant other has to go.
There's a product that could be just the ticket. It's been around for
awhile and the latest version has a longer tube and more user
friendly travel pouch. They've called it Freshette, the Feminine
Urinary Director for females of all ages. It protects against
unsanitary restrooms, wind, rain and snow, insects, thorns, poison
oak and ivy, and uneven terrain. There's minimal undressing required
and nothing to wear, empty or replace and it's reusable. It even
comes in handy to eliminate any problems in giving a lab specimen.
The manufacturer's list of suggested uses are: During prolonged
outdoor activities such as hiking, skiing, bicycling, camping and
horseback riding. And, can even be used to avoid wobbly and often
dangerous positions when boating, canoeing or kayaking. And, be sure
to take it with you on foreign travel to use during transit as well
as poor sanitation conditions. 800.542.5580 PST Mon-Fri
According to New Age magazine, 7-8/99, you'd better think
twice before bringing a bad day at work home with you. According to a
series of articles published in the Journal of Marriage and the
Family, negative emotions can create a chain reaction of distress
that moves through a family and gives rise to anxiety, depression and
other health and behavioral symptoms in susceptible family members.
These emotions are a fact in family life and low levels or infrequent
exposure will not have a long-term toxic effect. However, husbands,
on average, reported bringing home work-related stress nine days a
month (out of 22 workdays a month) - "enough to have an effect". They
suggest blowing off steam before getting home, and if that doesn't
work, letting family members know why you're grouchy. When there's a
logical reason and family members know the source, they're less
likely to be affected. (Feelings)
How to Design a Life that Works
The July/August, 99 issue of Fast Company makes an issues out
of this subject. How Much is Enough? Money for your
work? Time for your family? Public glory? Personal
insight? Look at the choices we all have to make and see the results
of a survey in which respondents say how much is enough for them.
Enough is Enough. And, there's a place in the Arizona desert where
high-powered businesspeople search for ways to redesign their
Sex: It works on so many
This issue of Shambhala Sun is dedicated to Sex. Pure Passion
- when passion is free of ego - Judith Simmer-Brown on the role of
desire in Buddhist tantra. Falling in Love - "The beloved is the
occasion of something unlimited" - Norman Fischer considers sex,
family, love and liberation. Sex & Buddhism-No Big Deal -
Robin Kornman argues that unlike other religions, Buddhism doesn't
view sex as a particularly important issue. Cosmic
Embrace: Seeing Sex as Sacred - John Stevens on the joys
and profundities of erotic art from around the world. Bodhisattva
Interrupta - Matthew Remski works hard to see the emptiness of all
things, but sex, that's a tough one. Penis Passion - bell hooks
argues that our erotic lives are enhanced when men and women can
celebrate the penis in ways that don't uphold macho stereotypes. And
Post-Porn Priestess of Pleasure - Amy Green on Annie Sprinkle and her
The Bamboo Bridge
This organization needs to have a wider presence in this country! It
has two major components. An honorable homecoming and a format for
listening to war veterans from any combat zone, with compassion for
their pain and needs. Early groups of returning Viet Nam Vets
experienced a nation of people upset with seeing warfare on
television in their living rooms. These Vets were reviled, spat upon
and assaulted when they arrived home. Many of those who followed
chose to wear civilian clothes when they came home to avoid this
turmoil and pain. There were no parades, no celebrations, no
welcoming committees. This was also the base for many veterans of
other combat zones, or undeclared wars. We now invite all combat zone
veterans to come all the way home. Find out that you are not alone.
There are many who care about you - who are willing to walk point, be
at your side and cover your back. This time, we'll be coming home
together and you will be welcomed with respect and honor. Be open to
possibilities. Peace can be yours through free weekend programs to
support you in coming "All the way HOME!" It is up to you to take the
action of enrolling in this program to support yourself in getting
what you really want and need. email@example.com
or www.vetsbridge.org They
currently have weekends planned for Milwaukee, Detroit, Indianapolis
and Washington, D.C.
We're Up to Our Ears in Arms!
Military spending is still at Cold War levels -- triple what's spent
for education, health care, job training, and environmental
protection combined! Think about it!
Boy? Girl? What's the
A funny thing happened when we left "puppy dogs' tails" and "sugar
and spice" behind. Scientists discovered that it's not just our
culture that makes rules about gender-appropriate behavior - it's our
own body chemistry. How hormones determine your behavior. According
to new research, the answer lies in a blend of chemistry and culture.
Life Magazine (7/99).
1999 Men's Health Conference -
The National Men's Health Conference was held in Philadelphia on June
3 and 4. Over 400 people attended this two-day professional
conference for healthcare professionals and men's health advocates.
There were keynote addresses by former US Senator Bob Dole, Dr.
Whitney Addington(President of the American College of Physicians),
and Dr. Louis Sullivan(former US Secretary of Health). Over 50
seminars and panels were presented on a variety of medical and psycho
social issues. The conference faculty came from twelve different
states and Canada. Among the various faculty members who participated
in this conference were Kenneth Goldberg, MD (founder and director of
the Male Health Institute - TX), Jed Diamond (author of "Male
Menopause"), Michael Andronico, PhD (editor of "Men In Groups"),
James Doyle, PhD (author of "The Male Experience"), Steven Botkin,
EdD (founder and director of the Men's Resource Center of Western
Masschusetts), Christopher Kilmartin (author of "The Pain Behind The
Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression"). For the conference, an
updated bibliography, resource list of websites on men's health, the
Harvard Men's Health Watch, and educational materials from Merck and
Pfizer were distributed to all participants. If there is anyone who
would like a copy of the bibliography and resource list, please
contact Anthony Lanzillo (firstname.lastname@example.org).
Harper's Magazine (6/99-Father's Day) makes it pretty clear
that no-one does in their 13 page cover story addressing the prospect
of a matrilineal millennium. A forum with Barbara Ehrenreich and
Cosmopolitan's devotes a special "Summer" issue to men, but
with a very different obsession than Harper's. Click
here for a description of the topics in that issue.
McGwire Just Another Druggie?
While news reporting that there is no benefit for an athlete to take
androstenedione, we will always wonder if Mark McGwire could have
broken the home run record if he was clean. And the record will
always be tainted for many young baseball fans and other athletes who
followed in McGwire's footsteps and added the drug to their systems,
at the tune of over $25 million dollars in 1998. While the Journal of
the American Medical Association will continue to report on andro's
effect, positively or negatively, who should be held responsible for
negatively impacting many boys and men's lives by it's aftereffects.
The FDA, the doctors or coaches who recommend it, the drug companies
who make and promote it, or sports idols and the media who hype it
up. (It is said that the use of andro increase the levels of estrogen
in men which is associated with increased risk of enlarged breasts,
heart disease and pancreatic cancer. It is also said that men who
took the drug had a 12 percent drop in their HDL or good
cholesterol.) Don't we already have enough medical problems to add
the physical risk that an ego-drug like andro creates just for a
record or trophy. Hopefully men will wake up and smell the roses
before they're placed on their coffin.
New Postage Stamp Raises Awareness About Prostate
To help raise awareness about prostate cancer and its often
devastating effect on the health of many men in America, the U.S.
Postal Service has issued a new commemorative postage stamp. "We
believe this stamp will go a long way in helping spread the word
among men young and old about how important it is for them to discuss
this deadly disease with their healthcare provider," said Dr.
Virginia Noelke, professor of history at Angelo State University in
San Angelo, Texas, and chair of the Citizens' Stamp Advisory
Prostate cancer is the second leading cause of cancer deaths in
men (after lung cancer) and, excluding skin cancer, is the most
common cancer in American men. Early prostate cancer often does not
Designed by Michael Cronan of San Francisco, Calif., the Prostate
Cancer Awareness stamp design incorporates the male symbol. The words
"Prostate Cancer Awareness" are stacked at the top of the vertically
formatted stamp, "USA 33" appears turned 90 degrees counterclockwise
in the bottom-left corner, and stacked in a box positioned in the
bottom-right corner of the design are the words "Annual Checkups and
While the Postal Service does not endorse any particular testing
method, the stamp encourages men who schedule annual physicals or
checkups to discuss testing options with their healthcare
For more information on stamps, visit the Postal Service Web site
at www.usps.com and click "Stamps."
To order stamps or stamp products, go directly to www.stampsonline.com.
Technical Details: Issue: Prostate Cancer Awareness; Item Number:
448200; Denomination & Type of Issue: 33-cent Commemorative;
Stamps per Pane/Coil: 20; Print Quantity: 78.1 million stamps; Gum
Men: The Scientific
The August 25, 1999 issue of Scientific American, is almost
totally about men. Titled like Thrill Seekers! Why men
risk it all. Bulking Up: The molecular mystery of muscle. Beyond
Viagra: Life after the little blue pill. Living
Well: Keys to aging successfully. Hanging
On: How to balance work and family. Bravo to Scientific
"Love in the Office"
A third of all romances start on the job. Business and bliss have
never been so complicated." So says the cover story of the
12/14/98 issue of U. S. News & World Report.
Alison Wethersfield, a lawyer with the National Organization for
Women, wants you to know that it's perfectly OK to ask - "once,
carefully." But we say, to be really careful, don't even ask
once. Know that anything you say or do could be used in a
hearing and seriously jeopardize your entire career. And for
what? Just know that there are 3.5 billion women in the
world. Why take the chance?
Grim new numbers on STDs
At least 1 in every 3 sexually active people will contract a sexually
transmitted disease (STD) by the age of 24, reports a new
public-health study by the American Social Health Association.
Diseases such as herpes and hepatitis B are even more widespread than
experts had previously thought. They estimate 15.3 million new STD
cases each year. And because STDs are seldom discussed, even in the
privacy of a doctor's office, many potential victims are not even
aware of the two diseases that together account for two thirds of all
new infections. Trichomoniasis, which often has no symptoms but which
can cause infertility, shrikes 5 million men and women a year and the
human papilloma virus, which is sometimes without symptoms but which
can cause warts and genital cancers, infects 5.5 million annually.
Not usually tested, if you have concerns, don't be shy. Again,
U.S. News & World Report, 12/14/98.
The Beat Goes On: Latinas
and domestic violence.
Mia. A magazine for Latinos and the people who love them. In
the Fall 98 issue, they compiled a list of the 10 Best Cities
to have an Interracial Relationship in: 1. Seattle, 2.
Minneapolis/St. Paul, 3. San Francisco, 4. Phoenix, 5. New York,
6. Denver, (7 wasn't listed), 8. San Diego, 9. Portland, and 10. Los
Angeles. The Worst: 1. Birmingham, 2. Detroit, 3.
Cleveland, 4. Dallas, 5. Cincinnati, 6. St. Louis, 7. Boston, 8.
Philadelphia, 9. Atlanta, 10. New Orleans. It was also "The
Relationship Issue" with the following additional
stories: A quiz for Gen-X Latinos and six ways to send
your lover steppin. Everything you wanted to ever know about Latinos
but were afraid to ask. Flipping the script on Machismo. I'm not a
Latino but I play one on TV-Mia unveils the closet cases.
15 viewpoints on Fear, including
The Fall, 98 issue of Parabola: Myth, Tradition
and the Search for Meaning publication, has 15 authors writing about
the issue of Fear. Our viewpoint can be found here.
Latest on Ritalin: Scientists last week said it works. But
how do you know if it's right for your kids?
In the 11/30/98 issues of Time magazine, a report on
this scary drug often used to shut down the human spirit, especially
Trokia's wit, wisdom and
While not a "men's" magazine, Troika is a joy to read. The
Fall, 98 issue had three particularly good articles "My
Father's Death", "Living Big" and "Boomers Don't Bleed for Their
Fellow Man (and Gen X is Even Worse)".
Is there a Natural Prozac?
The 12/98 issue of Psychology Today looks at other
options than our pharmaceutical model.
Unwanted Sex. What constitutes
"consent"? What constitutes "force"? The law's answers
Stephen Schulhofer reports on this very confusing topic in the
10/98 issue of The Atlantic Monthly. A must
Business of Pornography
Major information about the Business of Pornography plus a
"very short" bit on men's health. It was pitched to us as a major
piece on resources for men's health and how men are reading more
men's magazines like Men's Health but it ended up to be a PR
release for Harvard Men's Health Watch ($32/8 pages/month -
800.829.3341) and didn't provide any of the other resources we
provided to them. U.S. News & World Report, 2/10/97. Click
here if you want more information on: Men's
Health Issues, Prostate
books, and Books
on the Prostate. Also, to get a sense of what other newsstand
men's publications (a small portion of over 100 men's Publications)
are saying, check News Bytes.
Circumcision. Experts answer some of
new parents' questions.
It gave more arguments in favor of circumcision, the old "I want him
to look like his father" (in California less than 40% of boys are
circumcised so while he may like like his father, he'll be the odd
one in the gym shower) and "Because it's a Jewish tradition".
Needless to say we don't allow the Muslims to practice their religion
against their daughters. And the Jewish tradition of animal sacrifice
is no longer practiced. Their are alternative Bris ceremonies and
other things to consider. Parenting, 2/97 Check
further. The Issue,
on the subject, and books
A 21st Century look at How Doctors will
see Us - and Heal Us.
That was the sub-headline. But, turning to the centerfold fold-out we
see an early 20th Century male, not even at 1990's male, complete
with a circumcised penis. Is this really how doctors want to see us
in the 21st century, reversing the trend away from mutilation and
returning to those barbaric years of the 1900's. Even today, fewer
than half of the boys in California are circumcised. Come on, Doc.
Wake up. It's time to get human and leave boys to be fully human,
too, the way they were meant to be! Life, 2/97
Response to Media's Portrayal of
The Mask of Masculinity
Subhead for the Newsweek 7/99 "Last Word" by George Will was
"Is manliness natural or a 'social construct' that causes wars and
sport utility vehicles?" It goes on to say that "both men and women
can be brave, rank, aggressive, competitive, loyal, stoical. Perhaps
manliness is a "social construct.' Here is the heart of 'gender
studies': If all human attributes are consequences of
social arrangements, then clever rearrangement of society can provide
whatever results the rearrangers want. If so, neither biology nor
history not nature is destiny. All is nurture and ephemeral, nothing
is instinctive, innate, permanent. Nothing is destined. Everything is
a matter of choice. Free at last, free at leas..." It goes on to say
"Maybe the gallantry of opening a door for a woman expresses disdain
by asserting that the man is stronger. Then again, physical strength
is a merely animal attribute. And opening a door may express sincere
rather than guileful deferences. Then again, male sensitivity was not
born yesterday. Some of the stuffed animals that children cuddle are
called Teddy Bears because on one famous occasion the man who was the
rough-riding personification of self-conscious manliness was too
sensitive to shoot a wee bear. Yes, Teddy Roosevelt. That (18) '90's
Man thought war was splendidly bracing for a nation, and that if a
war was not handy, war's moral equivalent, football, would have to
suffice. Mansfield says that feminists fault masculinity primarily
for its antidemocratic exclusivity. They want society reconstructed
so they can act as masculine as men have to, and they want men
reconstructed so they will act a little less masculine, more
sensitive. Feminists' real complaint, says Mansfield, is with
femininity, the 'mystique' (Betty Friedan) of mildness that men
supposedly have foisted on women to keep them in their place, which
is down, as the 'second sex' (Simone de Beauvoir). 'Why can't a woman
be more like a man?' asks some feminists. It is a fair, and complex,
question famously asked in 'My Fair Lady' by Professor Henry Higgins,
A review of the June, 1999 issue of Seville "parent" type magazine's
(like Parent magazine) revealed no mention of Fathers or
Fathers Day, even in their calendar of events sections. This isn't
unusual, since many are called "Parent" or "Family" when they really
are directed at women and children. We do want to give special
recognition to Life magazine for their June, 99 issue for publishing
several excellent and positive articles about fathers. "Steven
Spielberg and his dad: Healing a 15-year rift," plus "What
makes a good dad?" and "Life's fatherhood test", and "Family tales
from Doug Flutie, Rob Reiner and others." Thanks for a
head-start on some positiveness around fathering. It helps us prepare
for the Sunday, June 20 newspaper campaign against fathers. If it's
anything like the past, the major newspapers will be sure to carry at
least one negative story about dads - dead beat, distant dads, you
name it. I can't remember the last time I saw a similar story in any
newspaper on Mother's Day about mothers (and the fact is that there
are a bigger percentage of Dead Beat Moms than Dads). But, the press
loves to dig at men, and will use the only real day men get to be
honored, to do just the opposite. No time like the present to write
or call or email your local papers asking them to just do positive
stories on fathers in their June 20 edition and save the other
stories for another day, possibly about mothers and fathers that fall
into the those negative categories. Also, take this time to get
something special for your dad (you all had one), or a call, if they
are still alive. A visit, if it is at all possible. And, atleast take
some time to bring back at least one good memory about your dad.
(Also check out our "Issues"
section and "Books" section
around Fathers, Fathers & Daughters, Fathers & Sons
and Single Fathers.)
Special Rights for Women
It's long been understood that there are different rules and laws for
women and men. Men get longer sentences, often times women get off
for crimes at least as severe that bring men automatic sentencing.
Men can't work out in a men's only health club, but women are allowed
to have women only health clubs. The state will send men to prison
for not paying full child support yet a great many women deny the
fathers right to visitation, and nothing is done. Women rail against
the Promise Keepers having men only space, yet the Minnesota Women's
Music Festival, the Lilith Faire, and many other events usually have
a cutoff of eight years or less for any male wanting to attend, if
they are allowed at all. Mills College refused to allow men. Mary
Daly, a professor at Boston College (a college that was forced to
include women) has excluded men from taking her classes for years and
the most she got was a slap on the wrist until a male student had had
enough and sued. Now Gloria Steinam and others want her to keep her
special rights. After all, according to Mary, as reported in the
6/14/99 issue of People, "....she adopted her woman-only
policy when she noticed female students spoke more freely when no men
were around." Of course, if she noticed that men have much
the same difficult with women in a class, she failed to mention that
when these same woman were fighting to have women attend (invade) all
classes at Boston College. "There's a great need for women's
space," said Daly. Apparently, she believes that men don't have
similar needs. Once again, the 1972 Title IX is set up only to bar
gender discrimination against women, not men.
We understand that some states are developing laws that require one
spouse to pay the other for chores. If you know of any such laws,
we'd like as much information as possible
Our initial thinking is that it sounds like a good law - if it is
applied (1) only to chores that one spouse wants done by the other,
and (2) that that spouse pays the other spouse out of their personal
income. The spouse contracted to do the chores should be required to
provide all the equipment and supplies needed to perform the chores
since that is what professional services offer.
Other considerations: charge for room and board, clothing
allowance, vehicle rental and maintenance, shared vacation expenses,
etc. We could even consider sex, depending on who wants it. (Gigolo's
get paid, too.) And, either spouse should also have the right to
contract outside the household for any such chores if there are more
economical or professional ways to perform them. We can make marriage
an economical contract yet (as if other state laws haven't already.
See laws (and consequences) you should know before you get married in
& Custody.) In the meantime, check out what Hagar
has to say about chores.
"Train Accidents' Forgotten
Victims: Conductors , Engineers.
Casualties: After 20 years on the job, virtually all
trainmen have witnessed death on the tracks. Physics prevents them
from stopping in time. Psychological trauma can be intense. In the
first nine months of 1998, according to Federal Railroad
Administration statistics, 369 people died in rail trespassing
accidents nationwide. In 1997, 553 people were killed. Though they
are seldom injured, engineers and conductors are hurt in other ways.
They know it's coming, hear the crunch, see the gore and
wonder: Could they have made a difference? And, there's
not a thing they can do. Physics explains why: A train
weighting hundreds of tons and moving up to 110 mph on metal rails
cannot stop quickly. Even a 150-car freight train traveling at 30 mph
needs two-thirds of a mild to stop, according to Operation Lifesaver,
a New York state program that promotes safety at rail crossings. Such
numbers are little comfort to a train crew after an accident. "You
feel like a murderer," says Amtrak conductor Dom Fruci. "You feel
responsible." "You have to get used to the small," Fruci says.
"There's a scent to the blood." For war veterans, the accidents often
recall combat, according to Veronia Owens, an employee counselor who
sets up a peer-support program for train crews at Conrail. The
reaction can be more intense if the victim is a child or resembles a
relative. "Some of them will feel like they're losing it," she says.
Now 41, Nunziato tried to handle the first few fatalities on his own.
But in 1994 he faced six fatalities in eight months -0 including
three snowmobilers who didn't hear his whistle and a boy with
headphones wandering the tracks. He withdrew from family and friends
and began having nightmares. Relief came only after he talked to a
counselor. Owens said engineers and conductors are often hampered by
railroader machismo that teaches them to shrug off accidents. And,
although support services are valuable, they can't prevent the
accidents. Crews learn to expect the inevitable. Statistics show
about half of all crew members will see a fatality within a decade.
After two decades, virtually all engineers and conductors ware likely
to witness a death." Excerpted from the 2/28/99 L.A.
Another 'Smiling Man' Bites the
I'll never forget it. Robert Subby was on stage talking to several
hundred people in recovery. He asked the crowd, "You know when you
can tell a man's in trouble?" He crosses his arms, puts a stern smile
on his face, and scans the crowd. Well, on March 22, 1999 we lost
another Smiling Man. He seemed to have it together. A rising star on
a popular TV sitcom, a hit movie about to be released. A seemingly
strong relationship. A popular and personal 29 year-old who appeared
on the outside to have it together.
A friend who helped me through a bout with suicide during my
divorce committed suicide 8 years later without my knowing that
anything was wrong. Another 'Smiling Man' who had done a lot of
personal work, threatened to kill his former girlfriend and after a
six-hour standoff with police, killed himself. Another 'Smiling Man'
was in a personal growth workshop with his adolescent son. He had
done a lot of work and was in a men's group. Several weeks after the
workshop, he killed himself. All of these men were white-collar
professionals. All saying "I'm fine." As some think, that could be
interpreted as Furious, Isolated, Numb and Empty.
It's not really important to know what went wrong. What is
important is to learn how we men can learn to open-up and ask for
help well before these kinds of times come, instead of taking our own
lives. Do you have at least one man in your life you will go to with
the tough stuff? Or are you a 'Smiling Man'? Do you know
any men who are going through some real tough times? Or are all your
male friends 'Smiling Men'? Look hard. Listen hard. Be sure your
friends know you are willing to listen. Make sure you've got atleast
one man to spill it all to. And spill it all. There's nothing wrong
with a smile - unless it's hiding something you're too embarrassed to
talk about. Real men ask for help. So, don't be one of those "Smiling
Men" who will die of embarrassment! Don't let a friend be one either.
(See Suicide for more
information on the issue and books
Rape out of Wine. Oklahoma Uncorks a Bad Law"
By Kathleen Parker. Commentary Published in The Orlando Sentinel on
March 14, 1999.
Say you're a man and want a romantic dinner with your beloved. A
little wine, a little candlelight and, who knows, perhaps a little je
ne sais quoi later in the evening?
Say the object of your affection -- relaxed by the chardonnay and
enchanted by the soft light -- becomes enamored of your immense
charms and succumbs to the moment. Say she wakes up next day a tad
hung over, remorseful over last night's lapse of judgment, and
decides she needs a guilt purge.
Let's hope you're not waking up in Oklahoma, for under a proposed
bill, your once-beloved could charge you with rape.
Incredibly, the Oklahoma House of Representatives passed by a 99-0
voice vote a bill that would expand to a ridiculous degree the
circumstances constituting rape. Basically, the proposed amendment
would pardon women for getting high and loose and would condemn any
man who had the poor judgment to be born this century.
If the bill passes the state Senate, rape in Oklahoma will be
defined as sexual intercourse (ask a third-grader) "where the victim
is intoxicated by alcohol, a controlled dangerous substance or other
intoxicant to such an extent that the victim is incapable of giving
Sponsored by Republican Carolyn S. Coleman, the bill reportedly
wasn't challenged in the House. Fearful of a feminist backlash,
legislators let the bill sail through without objection, according to
one Oklahoma lobbyist.
Somehow, level heads did manage to defeat other outlandish
provisions, one of which called for a clear consensual agreement for
sex, as in sign-on-the-dotted-line. I've always wondered how such
contracts would be enforceable. Wouldn't signers need witnesses? How
about a notary? And, having signed a consensual agreement for sex,
can you sue your partner for lousy sex? Just a thought.
Another deleted provision defined rape as sexual intercourse with
any female younger than 18. You think our prisons are overflowing
now? Imagine prosecuting 17-year-old boys for having sex with their
As it stands, the bill draws the line at 16. In other words, any
female younger than 16 who has sex with any male of any age, ipso
facto, has been raped. Never mind that the girl may have been equally
responsible. I've heard that sometimes girls actually request sex
with their boyfriends, but it's probably just a vicious rumor.
If this bill goes through, parents better lock up their boys until
they're old enough to date tea totaling 18-year-olds. Both of
Meanwhile, one has to wonder: Has something happened to the
groundwater in Oklahoma? Did aliens contaminate the drinking supply,
causing the statewide intelligence quotient to plummet suddenly and
mysteriously? Can we call an emergency referendum to allow these
people to secede?
I can't fathom the "thinking" behind such a bill. As a former
college student who once or twice was in the same room with a keg of
beer and a bunch of guys, I'm confounded. As a woman who enjoys a
little wine now and then and who has, on occasion, enjoyed a
candlelight dinner where everyone's intentions were clear, I'm
insulted. As a mother of show-stopper sons who are natural-born chick
magnets, I'm outraged.
Laws such as this one may be inspired by good intentions, but
they're loose and dangerous. The Oklahoma bill would make a mockery
of everyone, endowing women with an intrinsic saintliness and
criminalizing men for breathing the same air. Lost forever, it seems,
is any expectation of personal responsibility or self-control from
the "weaker" sex.
Surely a Senate committee will kill this bill before it reaches
the floor for a vote. Meanwhile, should you go West, my sons, steer
clear of Oklahoma.
Kathleen Parker's column is distributed by Tribune Media Services.
Her column also appears Wednesday in the Sentinel's Living section.
She can be reached at Parker@Kparker.com on the Internet. She
welcomes comments but cannot respond to all e-mail. [Posted
03/13/1999 7:04 PM EST]
The article can be retrieved at: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/0314park.htm
and Kathleen Parker's recent articles are listed at: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/services/online/obtuse/parker.htm
being a tourist in Florida is dangerous? It is, especially if you
Statues in Florida that date back to 1868 ban such behavior as
unmarried people living together and oral sex, even between married
couples. Even though the laws are seldom enforced, The National
Sexual Rights Council has filed suit against these laws. They want
Florida to be required to warn out-of-state tourists that many sexual
activities they enjoy legally where they live are criminal actions in
Florida. Other states like Georgia have similar laws making oral sex
sodomy. We don't know of a case of a heterosexual couple ever being
charged under this law, but Georgia law enforcement has used it
against the gay community. Remind me. Where was Deliverance
Anorexia: One million victims, ashamed and overlooked."
Gear magazine, in their 1-2/99 issue, took on a subject
that few main stream men's magazines would touch. They report, "Until
now, the national clamor over eating disorders and body image
problems has concentrated exclusively on women, reinforced by the
feminist assumption that the mania is "caused" by the tyranny of the
media-fueled beauty cult. It is women, not men, who have been pegged
as the 'victims' of this obsessive focus on looks and nothing fuels
the victim image more satisfying than an emaciated, anorexic woman.
But recent studies, though they have received little attention, have
illuminated a startling and troubling fact: one in six cases of
eating disorders are diagnosed in men." Dr. Arnold
E Andersen, MD a professor of psychiatry at the University
of Iowa says that men with eating disorders have been "ignored,
neglected and dismissed because of statistical infrequency, or
legislated out of existence by theoretical dogma." (When
have we heard that before? Cancer, domestic violence,
rape, statutory rape, sexual harassment. Also, click
here concerning the fact that men out-die women in all 15 major
causes of death while the press and research dollars and awareness
campaigns virtually ignore the situation. That's really something to
The stigma attached to eating disorders, profound as it is among
women, is almost insurmountable among men, who not only resist
treatment, but are frequently refused treatment even when they do
seek it. Those men who do get help often have a heavy burden of shame
to unload. In fact, amenorrhoea (the cessation of menstrual periods
in females) was regarded for years as a central criterion of anorexia
- men, by definition couldn't have it. Also, the stereotype of the
effeminate homosexual male model also dominates, but 80 percent of
men with eating disorders - whether bulimia or anorexia - are
Anorexia and bulimia are characterized, in both men and women, by
essentially the same traits: self-induced starvation, an
excessive fear of becoming fat even when thin, and a tendency toward
compulsive living patterns. Men don't necessarily think in terms of
"fat" or "thin" as women do. They relate in terms of "strong" or
"weak", where fat is associated with being weak, unmanly and
disgusting. So, for many men, structured forms of exercise are
carried to obsessive levels.
Treatment needs differ between men and women - they have different
preoccupation's with body image, and will be returning to different
body shapes. Even if men do decide to seek treatment, the medical
establishment may not be prepared and many don't even know how to
Thanks Gear for having the guts to provide the information.
Now, let's hope that those million plus men affected by anorexia are
man enough to seek help!
have five fewer years to enjoy life versus women. That's good
According the 11/98 issue of Life magazine, "Life
expectancy is now age 78 for women, 73 for men." This is down from an
8 year difference in the early 90's to only a five year difference
today. And, according to 48 Hours, by the year 2040 there will be 24
million centurions (people 100 years or older) and that it will be
common to see people in their 130's. Life had some other
interesting things to say. More people are exercising - or atlas
joining gyms. 75 percent of those 65 and older say their lives are
better than they were 20 years ago - or atlas the same. For 15 months
in a row, joblessness has stayed below 5 percent for the first time
in 28 years - reducing stress. The divorce rate is 4.3 per thousand
people, the lowest in two decades. In the past decade, the number of
drugs approved to treat AIDS has increased 50 times. Smoking by men
is down 48 percent since 1965; by women, 33 percent. School is
cool: The high school dropout rate is falling as more students
either graduate or return to earn their Geodes. Thanks to more police
and shifting demographics, crime rates are the lowest they've been in
over a decade. The murder rate is the lowest it has been since 1969.
Infant mortality from birth defects has declined 34 percent since
1980. Sexual activity among adolescents is down for the first time in
20 years...which helps explain why teen pregnancy has fallen 12
percent from 1991."
"How long do you want to live? How much are you
prepared to invest in your health and mental
well-being? This negotiation calls upon our inner
resources and usually prompts a new willingness to devise stratagems
for eluding death and illness." New Passages. What are you
going to do in the next year to insure that your mind, body and
spirit will be healthy so that you can join us and celebrate the year
2040? That's not that far away.
"Michael J. Fox - you're never too
young to get a complete health checkup."
Men are at great risk of dying if we don't catch diseases and
ailments in our bodies and minds early enough. Embarrassment about
getting a prostate exam, not admitting you might be ill (Michael J.
Fox and Parkinson's), may cause an early death, leaving family and
friends behind. Check out health issues-general,
(including infertility, Parkinson's, suicide, testicular cancer,
Viagra, etc.), prostate;
recovery or general info
at www.menstuff.org and take a journey through our
links section, resources
and issues sections and
start cleaning up your act. We out-die women in all 15 major causes
of death. Why would you want to add to these statistics?
"So You Wanna Kill
Yourself? Gays and Suicide."
Gay men are six times more likely to attempt suicide than their
straight counterparts and the numbers increase exponentially during
the holidays. This story appears in the 12-1/99 issue of
Genre and examines the issues behind why they are taking their
own lives, and offers some solutions to the holiday blues. Also see
our own # 6 Suicide
and # 7 Happy
Age Extended. Two fewer years to enjoy life."
I haven't seen any media coverage about this but in talking with the
Social Security today, by the year 2027, people will be required to
work until they are 67 in order to collect full retirement. You can
still take early retirement at 62, but, depending on your age, you'll
get even less income than those who were born before 1939. For men,
this means they get two fewer years to enjoy life without work, and,
since the average man dies at 73 now, that's less than seven years to
How do you know when "Yes" means
This story took place at Brown University. On that campus, women
students drink but refuse to take any responsibility for their
actions. In this case, she's the one that came to his room. She
didn't appear to be drunk. And, she was the one who started the
kissing. She's the one who starting petting. She's the one who asked
him to get a condom. She talked with him for hours after they had sex
and left her name and number and asked him to call before she left.
But, five weeks later she claims to have no memory of the event and
accused him of rape.
According to the group, Coalition Against Sexual Assault, if we
think you're guilty, you're guilty. This small group of the self
appointed "politically correct" activist students and teachers from
CASSIA (which stands for "home" in Spanish - not a very safe one if
you disagree with them) obviously aren't interested in the truth.
Because they believe that they hold the moral position and they shout
down anyone who disagrees with them. And, in this segment, when that
didn't work, they pulled the cord on 20/20s recording equipment.
Their music teachers agrees. He claims the background to state that
this student is a leper to this college campus.
Does this seem familiar? Some in this group say that anyone
accused doesn't deserve the benefit of the doubt Brings back images
of Salem, doesn't it?. It's obvious that the Brown University campus
has a dictatorship of the politically correct. The "victim" who would
speak at rallies, didn't want her name used and it wasn't used in
public, on television or in the campus newspaper. The same rights
weren't afford the male involved. But, this isn't unusual nor the
first time the Brown University campus has been a hot bed of
political tourney. In the future, they'll probably blame it on the
How can we ever expect to bring up our girls to take
responsibility for their lives when we make sure that they know that
they don't have to be. Nothing is their fault. What they do when
they're drunk, or depressed, or on PMI or break up with their
boyfriend, whatever they do they cannot be held responsible for. What
a far cry from the many cultures who bring up their daughters as
responsible adults by 13, who start and maintain healthy families at
13. Who, at 13, raise their children to become responsible adults.
But, at Brown University, 21 year olds aren't responsible and so
blame others for their actions. And, get away with it.
The result is that men must really be aware if you're in any kind
of a relationship with a woman - whether lover or spouse - No means
No and only yes means yes and then only if she hasn't had anything to
drink. And, even when sober, be sure she's on top. It's much more
difficult to be falsely accused of rape, that way.
Has political correctness gone too far? Six year old boys are
being trained not to try to kiss a girl. Nine year old brothers are
taught not to poke their older sister in the butt or they'll be
classified a sexual deviate. Connect this with a recent survey that
showed that 35% of men 18-35 never plan to marry. With this trend
growing, it's going to be interesting if the next generation of boys
will have anything to do with women, romantically. But, I guess
that's what sperms banks are for.
"Viagra news coverage
concerning discrimination in insurance payments."
In the investigation of insurance payments for Viagra versus birth
control, are the media in your area also looking at the gender
discrimination of HMOs and insurance companies in two
1. Covering tests for women for breast cancer and not covering
tests for men for prostate cancer. FACT: Almost twice as many
men are diagnosed with prostate cancer each year versus women
diagnosed with breast cancer. In addition, virtually as many men die
of prostate cancer as women who die of breast cancer, and there is no
treatment for prostate cancer to date that improves a mans
2. Covering tests for girls for breast cancer and not covering
tests for boys for testicular cancer. FACT: 7,200 boys 15-34
will be diagnosed and 350 will die this year from the disease, much
greater than girls/women in that age group dying of breast
Also, a review of the disparage between the amount spent for
research and awareness campaigns on the above should be of great
interest. The National Cancer Institute estimates that they will
spend $332.9 million on breast cancer research this year while
spending $74.0 million on the study of prostate cancer and $0 on
testicular cancer. Prostate cancer receives the least amount of
funding per patient of all major cancers. Source: American Foundation
for Urologic Disease.
The National Cancer Institute also reported that during the period
1950-1991, women's rate of death from breast cancer increased 2%
while men's rate of death from prostate cancer increased 25%. Until
the last few years, you never heard anything about prostate cancer.
Even today, it's not a high priority on health programs or the news.
There's no postage stamp or brochures at the post office. (The second
Breast Cancer postage stamp will soon be issued to raise awareness of
breast cancer and to fund additional research.) Theres no
special research or funding organizations for prostate cancer, no
national prevention month, week or even day.
This is not to say that everything that is being done to find a
cure for breast cancer should not be done. However, where do
mens health issues fit in in your local news analysis and
reporting? What about the fact that of the 15 leading causes of
death, men lead in every single category.
If youre interested, Ive included some additional
information on the subject which can be verified with a simple call
to The National Cancer Institute regarding the facts on new
diagnosis, death and research spending. Calls to HMOs, health
insurance carries, etc. will verify the differences in coverage.
1. In 1998 The National Cancer Institute expects 180,200 new cases of
breast cancer and 334,500 new cases of prostate cancer.
2. Percentage wise, as many men die of prostate cancer (the number
1 cancer killer of nonsmoking men) as women who die of breast cancer
(the number 1 cancer killer of nonsmoking women). 43,900 women and
290 men will die of breast cancer, 41,800 men will die of prostate
3. Health plans often include free breast exams and screening for
girls and women. If a boy or man wants to be tested, he has to push
the issue and usually pay full price.
4. Schools have programs to teach girls how to examine themselves.
A woman 15-35 dying of breast cancer is extremely rare. In this same
age group, nothing is being done to teach boys the importance of self
exams or even how to check themselves to protect this disease. The
American Cancer Society was the only organization we could find that
spent anything on testicular cancer research, and they spent a
whopping $875,000 ending 8/31/97. Would you want to lose your son
just because schools and health services don't think it's as
important to teach boys about the dangers of cancer and how to
protect against getting it?
For those interested in a waterproof "Self Exam for Testicular
Cancer" card that can hang on the shower nozzle, see Side
and Side on
this website. The Center is a nonprofit educational organization
working since 1982 to reduce mens isolation. Learn more about
100+ mens issues including prostate and testicular cancer by
returning to the homepage. Additional information on prostate cancer
can be found at www.comed.com/prostate.
"If breast cancer targeted men rather
than women, emphasis on research leading to a potential cure would
have taken on an added sense of urgency."
The true story amidst all the National Breast Cancer promotional
This statement, often used in comments and articles, just
doesnt reflect the truth, according to the National Cancer
Institute's information as of the close of their fiscal year,
8/31/97. Yes, 1997.
Fact: 1996/7 new cases: breast cancer - 180,200, prostate cancer -
Fact: 1996/7 deaths - breast cancer - 43,900 women and 290 men;
prostate cancer - 41,800. (Percentage wise, as many men die of
prostate cancer as women who die of breast cancer.)
Fact: Both are the # 1 cancer killers of nonsmokers
Fact: From 1950-1991, womens rate of death from breast
cancer - +2%; mens from prostate cancer - +25%.
Fact: 1996/7 research spending: breast cancer - $332.9 million,
prostate cancer - $74.0 million. (American Cancer Society estimates
they will spend $12,547,500 on breast cancer research, $5,576,000 on
prostate cancer and $875,000 on testicular cancer in 1997.)
Fact: Of the 15 major causes of death, men lead in every category,
but no one talks much about it.
Until the last few years, you never heard anything about prostate
cancer. Even today, it's not a high priority. There's no postage
stamp or brochures at the post office. No special research or funding
organizations. No national prevention month, week or even day.
Newspapers like the San Francisco Chronicle report un-researched
stories with headlines like the above, yet are silent when presented
Health plans often include free breast screening and testing for
girls and women. If a man wants to be tested, he has to push the
issue and pay full price. Schools have programs to teach girls how to
examine themselves. A woman 15-35 dying of breast cancer is extremely
rare. In this same age group, 7,200 men will be diagnosed and 350
will die this year of testicular cancer but nothing is being done to
teach them how to check themselves to protect against this disease.
The American Cancer Society is the only organization that I could
find doing testicular cancer research. They estimate that they will
spend $875,000 this year on the subject. Would you want to lose your
son just because schools, health services and the media don't think
it's that important?
This is not to say that everything that is being done to find a
cure for breast cancer should not be done. However, until men think
it's important to live a healthy life, it is doubtful that much more
will be done about it. And, it's our responsibility to do something
about it, not someone else's. For those interested in more info on
prostate cancer see:
www.menstuff.org/issues/Boise/healthprostate.html or write Menstuff@menstuff.org
TV Continues to Promote Domestic Violence
An hour and 28 minutes into the Super Bowl game on Sunday, Fox
TV ran a commercial to promote domestic violence on Melrose
Place. If you read our section on tv
violence, it demonstrates how much violence from women hitting
men is being promoted to viewers and children. This time, Heather
Locklier hauls off and slaps a male to promote the next show. Kids
and teenagers are confused. Is it any wonder domestic and relational
violence continues to rise. And, if you think it's okay for a woman
to hit a man, there's the problem. Domestic and relational violence
is still violence regardless of who does it but why is it okay,
accepted and being promoted, without any comments from the Alternatives
to Violence community, the women's movement, newscasters, etc. It
starts and stops with you. (See Where
to write if you want to do something about it.)
Supports Women's Violence against Men and Children
Here's the story line. I think it's Roseann's sister who is in an
abusive relationship. Roseann uses no humor to confront the husband
and get the reluctant wife out of the house. She succeeds. The scene
moves to the sons bedroom where Roseann's husband is talking to his
teenage son. He is making it clear that it isn't okay to hit. It's
serious. He goes on to say, it's not okay for men to hit women. The
son asks, what if it's someone very close to you. It's really not
okay. Then, the son asks, what if it's a woman who is doing the
hitting. The father doesn't answer the question and instead brings in
humor to ignore the question "Don't you want to talk about how babies
are born?" And, the scene is over. The show had a very strong opinion
about men's violence and had a perfect opportunity to say that
women's violence against men or children is not okay either - and
didn't, and, to me, gave that boy and the audience a position that
it's okay for women to be violent, even with their children.
Supports Adult Female Teachers Seducing Their High School
The scene. One of the Friends brothers is in high school. You can
tell that he has a hard time with being loved. His 44 year old female
home ec teachers gets romantically involved with him. They make a
point to insure that you know he is 18 (no longer a minor), and we
have to assume that the romantic attachment started after he turned
18. The Friends talk to both of them about the age difference. They
both agree that it should end. When this decision is made
individually, they end up coming over to the Friends apartment to
break it off. They agree to break it off and almost immediately fall
into this intense embrace, start kissing passionately, fall on the
couch and continue to make out. The cast of Friends basically shrug
it off and that's it. No comment of the teachers authority and power
over the boy. No discussion on the sexual trauma. No comment that the
relationship is totally inappropriate. Is it? My challenge to the
writers of the show is do the same scenario but make the teacher a
male shop teacher and the 18 year old student a female. My sense is
that, if that story was played out their would be public outrage,
there would be talk shows about sexual harassment. There would be an
investigation. And, it wouldn't be funny. If it's a male teacher, it
can't be love. If it's a female teacher, it's okay. It brings to mind
the case on Mary Laturno, the 35 year old teacher and mother of 4 in
Washington State, who has been charged with 2 counts of rape for
developing a sexual relationship with a 13 year old friend of one of
her sons. The American Journal spent most of the story time talking
with people in community that couldn't believe she would do something
like that, some questioning if it's really true. There was noone
talking about the young boy, what it took to come forward in a
culture that supports this kind of behavior, that says, he probably
enjoyed it so it should be okay and they don't say that about a 17
year old girl in the same situation. No discussion with psychologists
on the trauma this can create in his life. Rather, if a 17 year old
girl is involved, let's keep her as a girl, telling her she isn't a
woman yet and creating another victim. If it's a 13 year old boy,
it'll help him become a man. It's all so ironic. Many cultures,
especially in Catholic countries like Peru and Equador, find it quite
normal for 13 year old women to marry 22 year old men - it's the
custom. There's nothing unusual about it. That's the way its been for
centuries. Yet, in our culture, we still want to keep our girls as
little girls, even at 17. Don't grow up. Don't become a woman when
your body and mind have developed to that level. You're still just my
little girl. I'm not saying we should lower the age of consent, what
we do need to do is see the boys and girls are impacted by
information and messages that say that we have to protect our girl
children, the boys can take care of themselves. Think about it!
There Are No Criminals - Just A Lot of
People wouldn't abuse others if they hadn't been abused. We tend to
forgive women easier, often using the abuse that happened to them as
an excuse, and give them probation more often or shorter sentences
for the same crimes. There seems to be more tolerance for women
abusing men (slapping, hitting, ridiculing, shaming) and it plays out
in our movies and on our school playgrounds. (See TV Violence).
We also tend to label people rather than their behaviors. You're an
abuser, molester, alcoholic, bad person. Some women (and men) writers
believe that all men are rapists. (For the men that say this, thank
goodness they are admitting that they are rapists so that we know to
protect the women that come around them.) The mere statement says
that no matter what I do, how much work I do as a man, I'm still seen
as a rapist in their eyes. It doesn't give me permission to become a
better man. Versus acknowledging the behavior as unacceptable and
noting that it is separate from their soul. Shame doesn't bring about
healthy change. Acknowledging that the person is good and that a
behavior is not acceptable, changes the way people think about
themselves and the possibility for change becomes easier. This
process of shaming starts at a very early age when we tell children
they are bad. While many of us received this in childhood, and it
takes a lot of awareness to not pass it on, we must stop our shaming
process of our children, and teach our children not to shame and make
fun of other children that appear different than them. In actuality,
adults and children who shame others are really telling us all how
inadequate they are and the lengths they will go to to deflect these
weaknesses off on others.
Men are from Mars, Women are from
Venus, but we have to live on Earth
A recent Barbara Walters infomercial for John Gray's work, was
two-hours long and was paid for by ABC. They even had an 800 number
at the end selling the video tape of the show. Luckily, we were
spared the usual hype for books, tapes and video tapes of the course
itself. Maybe I missed something, but I didn't really get the sense
that most of the couples were much happier. The men seemed to be, but
most of the women seemed to have "that look" of not really going
along with the changes in the men while appearing to agree. And there
was virtually no focus on women needing to change.
The thing that really got me was this whole "chores" mindset. From
households with children kept super neat and clean, down to how
important it was for one woman to have the inside of the trash cans
washed out. Seems like it should have concentrated more on the
obsessive-compulsive behavior of cleanliness as much as getting men
to help around the house.
Where does this obsession come from? Our mothers and grandmothers?
Gotta keep busy? Our fathers and grandfathers - want my castle
spic-and-span when I get home? Something's wrong here. I think it has
more to do with "appearance - what will the neighbors think" than
anything else. But, maybe my experience is unusual. I know many
couples with children where the home looks actually lived in, not
like a gallery. It's not dirty. It's just not tidy. And, many women I
have dated would have a very neat place when they knew I was coming
over. Yet, if I dropped by unannounced, the place was in chaos.
Clothes on the floor, things scattered everywhere. This is usually
the stereotype for men, but I wonder if it's not just the way
"people" are and that the obsession with "every thing has its place,
and it must stay in that place" hasn't gotten a bit out-of-hand?
Another big reaction from most of the women was men watching
sports. We really get a bad rap on this one. My sense is, most of us
don't realize how much television women watch, because so much of
their viewing is while we are at work. Furthermore, they won't admit
how many hours of television they actually do watch every day. The
viewing is soap operas (fantasy land), talk-shows (whine time), and
game shows (atleast there may be a little socially redeeming value in
learning something here). While I haven't looked at the Nielsen
ratings for a while, if compared, I doubt that women watch any less
television than men, and the content can't be much different. It's
escapism on both sides.
And finally, family violence. Of the six women, one admits blowing
up, throwing plates, etc. at her husband. Another, we observe,
screaming and shaming her husband when he's late coming home from
work for his birthday party. He's with the children trying to eat his
cake and she's pacing like a tigress waiting to pounce. When their
daughter accidentally knocks something over because she's excitedly
carrying around a present for her father, her mother screams at her.
The daughter cowers and we hear her say "Why is mommy always
screaming?" The excuse for women's violence is often, if you had to
be with children all day, you would too." There is no excuse for that
kind of verbal violence. Whether it comes from a mother or a father.
She needs help and it's not up to her husband to change his behavior.
It's up to her.
I know women and men are different. I think our differences and
our similarities must be explored. However, starting with the image
that men are from the planet of war and women are from the planet of
love (but don't have any arms) just reinforces the belief that only
women are inherent nurturers and men are inherently violent- neither
of which are true. Both sexes are inherently nurturers. Both sexes
are inherently loving, caring human beings. I would love to see us be
able to work together without playing games or manipulating each
other because we know what makes each other tick. Cut the game
playing. Cut the phony acknowledgment and recognition. Let's get real
with each other, for a change. As one advertisement put it, "Men are
from Earth. Women are from Earth. End of story."
Mother's Day - 1870
Here is the original, Mother's Day proclamation made in Boston by
Julia Ward Howe, a Unitarian, in 1870. The proclamation was a
rallying call for peace. Compliments of I. Stueber, Abigail's Rebels
Proclamation for Mother's Day
Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts,
whether our baptism be that of water or of tears! Say firmly: "We
will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our
husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and
Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have
been able to teach them of charity, mercy, and patience. We women of
one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow
our sons to be trained to injure theirs."
From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our
own. It says "Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance
of justice." Blood does not wipe out dishonor nor violence indicate
possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the
summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for
a great and earnest day of counsel.
Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means
whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after
their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God--
In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a
general congress of women without limit of nationality may be
appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the
earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance
of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of
international questions, the great and general interests of
* * *
An average person has a vocabulary of 45,000 words.
Yet, 1000 basic words make up 90% of all writing.
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