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October
Stop Nagging!
One of the predominant reasons for the demise of a
relationship is nagging. We all know what
“nagging” is and we have all been either
the nagger or the recipient of hard core nagging at
one time or another. Usually thought of as a
feminine trait that only women are supposed to do,
men also have the ability to badger beyond belief.
Most people who nag their partners don't even
realize they are doing it. The only thing which
incessant nagging will do is push that special
person away. This is always the exact opposite of
its intent.
The prevailing reason why most people harass
their lovers is because they don't feel like they
are getting the response or attention they should
be getting. Someone might nag about household
chores, getting a new job, quitting smoking, not
staying out late, financial issues and more. But
saying the same thing over and over and over again
is nagging. Even if you find new ways to state your
demands, you are still saying the same thing and
the object of your affections is still being and
feeling nagged. The nagger wants a certain response
and usually feels as if the other person is just
not listening, so the nagger NAGS some more.
Meanwhile, the person getting the heaping piles of
orders, demands and nagging comments is getting
pushed away. He or she will just end up walking
away, ignoring the nagger even more and causing a
great big fat circle that will not end until he or
she ends the relationship.
I knew this one girl a few years ago who I
befriended because we ended up being in the same
circle of friends. She was a fun girl, a likable
character and absolutely gorgeous But she always
had a tough time keeping a guy. Here is a great
example of “why”. She was dating this man
for a while. He was quite a catch and considered
one of the most eligible bachelors in Houston. He
was charming, handsome, well established, cultured
and financially well endowed. This girl, whom I
shall call Kiki, was about to turn thirty. For her
birthday Kiki's paramour told her that he was
taking Kiki to a mutual friend's house for dinner
and drinks. Unbeknownst to her, he had invited
about 100 people for a surprise party and he was
carrying a diamond ring in his pocket to “Pop
the Big One” that very evening. During the car
ride over to her secret surprise party Kiki let
loose on her boyfriend. She told him over and over
that she could not believe all he was doing for her
30th birthday was taking her to dinner with
friends. She nagged him terribly, even yelled at
him, during the 40 minute ride. Needless to say,
she apologized when she discovered all of her
closest friends and family waiting for her. A
surprise which he so thoughtfully arranged. Kiki
never saw a diamond ring that night. He never even
told Kiki about the ring. The next day he returned
the ring and broke it off with Kiki. To this day
she has no idea that he was about to propose and
that he broke it off with her because of her
childish nagging. I still don't have the heart to
tell her.
Although I do adore this woman with all my
heart, I will say he did the right thing. I think
most people out there would not dare to be so rude
and act disappointed with your lover's gift making
him or her feel badly. This was an extreme case of
aggressive nagging. It was done only to make him
feel bad because she felt neglected. There are a
lot of men and women who act like this. If you nag
and treat your new romance in this manner, it won't
last. Nagging will never get you what you want. I
will say it again: nagging only pushes people
away.
If you feel like you might be nagging your lover
to death you might want to think about why you are
doing this. You might even want to seek counseling.
If you love your significant other and you want to
keep your relationship intact, you must realize the
negative impact that nagging will create. The
unnecessary stress will eventually push your mate
towards breaking up, divorce or straight into
someone else's arms. If you feel that you are not
getting the consideration or feedback you desire,
you can get that attention back when you stop the
pestering. You will stop pushing that person away
and he or she might actually start to give you the
response you wanted all on his or her own.
If you are the person being nagged you might
feel like there is nothing you can do. I don't want
to tell you to bite your tongue, that will only
cause anger to rage inside of you. If you get
nagged enough without saying a word, you could
eventually blow up. Instead of saying nothing,
remember why this person is nagging you: he or she
is not getting the response from you which is
needed to quell the nagging. If you want it to
stop, think of a way that will appease this person.
If he or she is nagging you, tell your lover that
he or she is right and you will do
“something” to resolve the situation.
This will quickly put a lid on the nagging, for the
moment anyways. And only try to calm these
situations if this is a relationship you are
willing to keep and work for. If the nagging turns
to verbal and/or emotional abuse, it may be high
time to start walking.
©2010, The Advice
Diva
* * *
Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today
as you were a year ago. - Bernard Berenson
Diva Rebecca
has a long and exciting history of when it comes to
love, dating and relationships. Friends and
associates would come to her for advice and
naturally she became the Advice Diva. Having a
socialite status in the big city she decided to put
her expertise down in writing. The Diva does not
claim to be an expert or have certifications in
this area. She explores her own thoughts and
feelings and uses her own opinions formed through
her own experiences. The
company Advice Through Experience was founded and
she wrote four successful e-books published on the
A.T.E. website aptly named www.AdviceDiva.com
They are
Getting Him
or Her Back,
The Divine
Secrets of the Dating Game,
What Women
Really Want and
For Women
Only: How to be Fabulous!
Diva Rebecca’s website is also
host to an online advice column. The column is
completely free and a fun tool for everyone. She
puts some of the posts online in an anonymous form.
The success of her online advice column has led to
the creation of monthly articles for a variety of
printed and online magazines. For questions and
comments contact The Advice Diva at
E-Mail.
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