Stop Nagging!

One of the predominant reasons for the demise of a relationship is nagging. We all know what “nagging” is and we have all been either the nagger or the recipient of hard core nagging at one time or another. Usually thought of as a feminine trait that only women are supposed to do, men also have the ability to badger beyond belief. Most people who nag their partners don't even realize they are doing it. The only thing which incessant nagging will do is push that special person away. This is always the exact opposite of its intent.

The prevailing reason why most people harass their lovers is because they don't feel like they are getting the response or attention they should be getting. Someone might nag about household chores, getting a new job, quitting smoking, not staying out late, financial issues and more. But saying the same thing over and over and over again is nagging. Even if you find new ways to state your demands, you are still saying the same thing and the object of your affections is still being and feeling nagged. The nagger wants a certain response and usually feels as if the other person is just not listening, so the nagger NAGS some more. Meanwhile, the person getting the heaping piles of orders, demands and nagging comments is getting pushed away. He or she will just end up walking away, ignoring the nagger even more and causing a great big fat circle that will not end until he or she ends the relationship.

I knew this one girl a few years ago who I befriended because we ended up being in the same circle of friends. She was a fun girl, a likable character and absolutely gorgeous But she always had a tough time keeping a guy. Here is a great example of “why”. She was dating this man for a while. He was quite a catch and considered one of the most eligible bachelors in Houston. He was charming, handsome, well established, cultured and financially well endowed. This girl, whom I shall call Kiki, was about to turn thirty. For her birthday Kiki's paramour told her that he was taking Kiki to a mutual friend's house for dinner and drinks. Unbeknownst to her, he had invited about 100 people for a surprise party and he was carrying a diamond ring in his pocket to “Pop the Big One” that very evening. During the car ride over to her secret surprise party Kiki let loose on her boyfriend. She told him over and over that she could not believe all he was doing for her 30th birthday was taking her to dinner with friends. She nagged him terribly, even yelled at him, during the 40 minute ride. Needless to say, she apologized when she discovered all of her closest friends and family waiting for her. A surprise which he so thoughtfully arranged. Kiki never saw a diamond ring that night. He never even told Kiki about the ring. The next day he returned the ring and broke it off with Kiki. To this day she has no idea that he was about to propose and that he broke it off with her because of her childish nagging. I still don't have the heart to tell her.

Although I do adore this woman with all my heart, I will say he did the right thing. I think most people out there would not dare to be so rude and act disappointed with your lover's gift making him or her feel badly. This was an extreme case of aggressive nagging. It was done only to make him feel bad because she felt neglected. There are a lot of men and women who act like this. If you nag and treat your new romance in this manner, it won't last. Nagging will never get you what you want. I will say it again: nagging only pushes people away.

If you feel like you might be nagging your lover to death you might want to think about why you are doing this. You might even want to seek counseling. If you love your significant other and you want to keep your relationship intact, you must realize the negative impact that nagging will create. The unnecessary stress will eventually push your mate towards breaking up, divorce or straight into someone else's arms. If you feel that you are not getting the consideration or feedback you desire, you can get that attention back when you stop the pestering. You will stop pushing that person away and he or she might actually start to give you the response you wanted all on his or her own.

If you are the person being nagged you might feel like there is nothing you can do. I don't want to tell you to bite your tongue, that will only cause anger to rage inside of you. If you get nagged enough without saying a word, you could eventually blow up. Instead of saying nothing, remember why this person is nagging you: he or she is not getting the response from you which is needed to quell the nagging. If you want it to stop, think of a way that will appease this person. If he or she is nagging you, tell your lover that he or she is right and you will do “something” to resolve the situation. This will quickly put a lid on the nagging, for the moment anyways. And only try to calm these situations if this is a relationship you are willing to keep and work for. If the nagging turns to verbal and/or emotional abuse, it may be high time to start walking.

©2010, The Advice Diva

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Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago. - Bernard Berenson

Diva Rebecca has a long and exciting history of when it comes to love, dating and relationships. Friends and associates would come to her for advice and naturally she became the Advice Diva. Having a socialite status in the big city she decided to put her expertise down in writing. The Diva does not claim to be an expert or have certifications in this area. She explores her own thoughts and feelings and uses her own opinions formed through her own experiences. The company Advice Through Experience was founded and she wrote four successful e-books published on the A.T.E. website aptly named They are Getting Him or Her Back, The Divine Secrets of the Dating Game, What Women Really Want and For Women Only: How to be Fabulous! Diva Rebecca’s website is also host to an online advice column. The column is completely free and a fun tool for everyone. She puts some of the posts online in an anonymous form. The success of her online advice column has led to the creation of monthly articles for a variety of printed and online magazines. For questions and comments contact The Advice Diva at E-Mail.

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