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Missing Someone So Much It Hurts? Try The
Brokenheart Stomp!
Things looking bleak?
When milestone days
approach, a holiday, a birthday or deathday, do
your emotions tumble downhill as you struggle with
lonely, depressing efforts to hold back your
feelings? Is the one you really want with someone
else, or did he or she pass away, yet you hunger
and yearn for whom is missing? Do you have to push
away painful memories just to get through the day
and that takes all your concentration and energy?
The pain of heartbreak can be acute and
overwhelming. Your grief keeps you focused on the
pain when you think about them. Maybe after fifty
years you only remember the day someone died or
your first love's face as he left you. The grief
blocks all the good memories that lie beneath
waiting.
Would you like to try a
quick fix for an enduring heartache? You have
memories of these people that are yours to enjoy,
too. If you can just get past the grief, even
temporarily, you might recapture lost moments of
joy.
Take tonight to be alone
and set the stage for memories of someone who was
once precious, but is now missing. Light some
candles, get out the worn photos, drop the fake
smile from your face....finally, and allow yourself
to really feel the pain. Step into the murky water
of your tears and despair and wail and cry, for
say, ten minutes. Then, take the next ten minutes
to crank up some rhythmic music and express the
pain physically. Boldly and wildly move your body
in an expression of your hurt. Next, gradually
change the dance to a joyful or silly one, like the
chicken dance. The physical efforts release brain
chemicals. Hopefully, no one is watching this
cathartic gig but if someone is, explain that you
dance for your health.
Grief held inside is
poison. The act of grieving is about releasing the
toxic thoughts and physical ramifications of those
thoughts. Faking it, smiling when you could split
apart in pain or pretending you do not care is not
fooling your organs. Get the pent up rage, despair,
guilt or envy out of you. Just talking about it or
ignoring it will not release grief as well as the
Brokenheart Stomp. The change from a grieving
movement to a happier movement will send a powerful
signal to the mind that you are trying to recover
from grief.
Purging grief is a detox
cleanse that allows you to recover joy and balance
to your mind and gut. You NEVER have to stop
feeling love and longing for what you miss, but you
need to periodically fall back deeply into your
sadness, feel terrible and then release it quickly
just like a cramp in your foot. When the pain
begins to build up, try shaking it out and then
laugh loudly long before you sincerely feel happy.
Our bodies respond to the emotion we act out, so
act out a joyful dance.
- Loving someone - even
if it does not last - can become a source of
experience and strength to treasure, if you
learn to release the grief regularly. Grief can
last years, but your nervous system needs a
break frequently. The Heartbreak Stomp may
shorten the pain by grieving the feelings out
just a bit while you laugh at your antics. Take
this opportunity to remember the good and bask
for a bit in positive memories of having loved
someone dearly. Eventually, the pain will go and
the good memories will heal your heart and last
forever.
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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