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Just Say
Hi
How do you feel when you are alone? Are you
self-conscious and painfully aware that you are
friendless? Do you imagine people are wondering why
you are just standing there by yourself? Do your
attempts to look like a thoughtful, independent
professional—rather than a dateless wonder,
seem artificial and make you cringe? Perhaps the
following true stories will change the way you
approach uncomfortable moments.
On the eve of my twelfth
birthday, while on a glorious Florida vacation, my
oldest brother, Jim, observed me at the local teen
club staring at my toes and writhing in self
conscious agony. I, unfortunately, was completely
ignored by the rest of the joyful group of kids.
He asked, "What's the
matter, Fatsinello?" (I was so skinny that calling
me Fats was a big brother joke.) Ha Ha.
With a sigh, I replied,
"Nothing."
Jim, with his typical
insight, said, "Go find the loneliest looking
person in the room, just walk up to them and say
"Hi." He nodded in the direction of a young girl
sipping a Coke at a distant table.
"Go say Hi," he commanded.
The walk to her table was
heart pounding in anticipation of total public
humiliation, having been set-up a million times
before by my three brothers’ for their comedic
entertainment.
The girl starred at me
like a frightened rabbit and her rigid head
twisted. I chocked out a lame,"Hi."
Like a double rainbow
after a dark storm, her smile was gorgeous. Her
shoulders dropped, she laughed and gushed how she
did not know anyone here. I glanced back at Jim,
who had on his smug told-you-so expression, but he,
too, seemed pleased. The girl and I were best
friends for the duration of my Florida vacation and
because of her, I had so much fun. With a friend by
my side, I came alive, was funnier, more daring,
danced at the club and even allowed myself to be
semi-hypnotized by the visiting magician.
I had another opportunity
to try the "Just say Hi" technique. I was working
for Emmy award winning Alexander Singer as his
assistant for a Director's Dialogue held at the
Director's Guild in Los Angeles. My job consisted
of helping during the meetings and nervously
inviting directors including Warren Beatty to
attend the meetings. I also received a special perk
- a single ticket to a workshop on the Queen Mary
ocean liner.
I arrived at seven in the
morning hoping that I would be discovered by a ship
full of directors. I listened to several lectures
and watched a few movies and then all the attendees
met in the large dining room for lunch. Nearly all
the people were men and seemed to know each other
well. They quickly grouped together and filled up
the tables. I felt self-conscious and a bit like
the last one standing during musical chairs. Then,
I saw a pretty woman sitting alone at a table close
to the podium and I remembered "Just say Hi." She
was staring at her place setting and seemed lost in
private thought.
"Hi," I
offered.
Like awakened, she looked
up at me. She was exotically beautiful and her
black silky hair shifted as she turned her head.
Her slight smile was welcoming and gave me
permission to join her. After thirty minutes I had
fully recovered from my "last man standing" crisis
and she and I chatted easily and intimately as
often only two strangers can. She began to reveal
to me her concern for her ailing father and she
spoke of "Jack" several times. I nodded
compassionately, still faking my way since I had no
real connection to anyone in the room.
Then the guest speaker was
introduced and walked slowly to the podium. He wore
a navy blue velour sweat suit and seemed frail and
bony. He spoke about his father, Walter, and the
experiences of a lifetime of movie making. Many
times, John Huston stopped to cough and try to
catch his breath. But he would stand up tall and
begin again. The audience hung on his every word
and the applause was deafening quickly followed by
a standing ovation. Mr. Huston waved goodbye and
escaped the crowds of directors that swarmed near
him to touch his tall shoulders or shake his
trembling hand.
"Come on, let’s get
out of here," my new friend said.
I followed her tall
slender frame down the long corridors deep in the
Queen Mary's private floors, away from the noise
and crowd with no clue where we were going. She
swung open a door to a finely appointed stateroom,
where our speaker John Huston sat on the couch, his
jacket unzipped to reveal a thin white t-shirt. I
instantly knew whom she had been talking about for
the past hour. Simultaneously, I broke the spike of
my high heel and stumbled into the stateroom.
Always one to make a great entrance, I have learned
to laugh easily and amuse myself with my otherwise
embarrassing moments. We all laughed together as I
held up my broken heel.
"Give it to me," said the
deep gravelly voice.
Mr. Huston reached out his
large hand for my shoe. Here I am, in John Huston's
stateroom with his beautiful daughter, Anjelica and
the greatest director of our time is fiddling with
my shoe. He coughed harder and longer now that he
was in private quarters. Anjelica's face showed her
every emotion of concern, adoration and heartbreak
as her father gasped for his breath. I briefly
wondered what an elegant lady like this saw in Jack
Nicholson, knowing little about him then except his
bad press and the sadness that mentioning his name
still caused her. The senior Huston would quickly
regroup after his coughing, begin teasing us,
sparring, alternating critical comments with
show-off funny jabs, harsh in a way that we
laughingly ignored and simply enjoyed him. I was
missing the workshop but I could have cared less.
Amazingly, after several poundings on the coffee
table, John Huston even fixed my shoe. Eventually,
Mr. Huston said he needed to rest and Anjelica
whispered she would see me later.
I joined the group of
directors and media in the next workshop. What
would any of them have given to be invited into the
private world of super star Anjelica Huston and her
famous father? To this day, I am surprised that I
was. No directors discovered me that day, but I
discovered a fascinating man and his daughter. I
also learned that when shyness or self-conscious
feelings threaten to overwhelm you, just say
“Hi” and a new world may open up before
you.
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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