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To Grandmothers We Go
Grandparents may have all the right intentions;
however, the arrival of a toddler to their home can
be overwhelming. Here are ten tips to help smooth
the transition.
1. Forget Clean.
Forego a straight or clean home. A toddler is not
capable of adjusting to a new environment and
transferring their skills as easily as an older
child. He or she might be neat at home but find
grandma’s house confusing. Ignore the mess,
otherwise you will scold and nag throughout the
visit. That’s not how you want to be
remembered. Use a broom to push clutter out of the
walk way to keep the house safe from falls. Clean
up messy spills. If your toddler enjoys picking up
you can sing together while you pick up the Lincoln
Logs. Otherwise, let Mom and Dad teach their child
to be neat, later. When the precious energy cyclone
has gone back home, then you can clean in the
silence to your hearts content.
2. Delegate Shifts.
Grandma, you are out of practice and you get tired
more easily. Take turns with Grandpa and older
children so that you can lie down in a quiet room
and heal your nerve endings. Even thirty minutes
will help you bounce back with a smile. If you wear
yourself out you could resemble a Disney witch
instead of a Norman Rockwell painting of a happy
family.
3. Morning
Cartoons.
PBS, Sprout and other
stations provide a fun line-up of toddler shows
like Curious George, Sesame Street and Blues Clues.
Take advantage of the hypnotic state that the
television creates in their impressionable minds to
get yourself to the bathroom, take a shower and get
dressed in shifts with your spouse. Beware of
shouting, high conflict or violent shows on regular
television that may trigger copy cat behavior.
4. Develop a Routine,
Any Routine. Duplicate the toddler’s
normal routine whenever possible. A clever little
mind might try to manipulate their normal rules
with new surroundings and the absence of Mom and
Dad. Spanking or yelling at a toddler is useless
and only confuses them more. They want to behave
well, and will respond to rewards. Punishment can
create a total meltdown as they do not understand
cause and effect yet, only that you just hurt them.
Use praise, treats and privileges to encourage good
behavior. Riding in the car or at bedtime is a good
time to recount all the things the child did right
today, mentally reinforcing good behavior with
lavish praise and appreciation. “Grandma is so
proud that you held her hand to cross the street
and helped her by climbing in your car seat. What a
good boy, you are. Thank you.” Ignore the
mistakes and most will just go away.
5. Use the Parks.
Get ye to the parks and playgrounds. Some cities
have indoor museums in case of inclement weather.
Keep your toddler in sight at all times, but do
allow them to run, hop and spin. No one else can
keep a toddler quiet or sitting still so why should
you try to force behavior that is impossible at
this age? Most people enjoy toddlers and are very
tolerant of their exuberance. Helpful strangers are
still strangers, so be cautious.
6. Naps and
Bedtimes. Earplugs help to soften endless
chatter, furious yells of “I am not
tired,” and banging on your furniture. Some
naps go really well and some are caretaker torture.
Bedtime is very scary; do you remember being a
child at grandmother’s house with creeks and
howling wind? “I want my Mommy,” comes to
mind rather quickly. Do your best to make bedtime a
happy ritual, never a punishment for misbehavior.
Line the bed with stuffed animals, a sippy cup and
a favorite blanket, and then hope for the best. You
probably can plan on a late night the first few
times you attempt to get them to sleep.
7. Saved. Check in
the phone book for toddler indoor play areas. Most
require you to remain with the child but amazingly
you can get some work done amid the din and chaos.
Sit at a back table and let your grandchild
discover ways to play in a safe and highly
stimulating environment. He or she will fall asleep
as soon as you get back home and you will get a
double break.
8. Sugar. Sugar
lurks in fruit juice, bread and fast food as well
as candy and cereals. If you want to make it a lot
easier on yourself, skip the sugary treats and
carry veggies, protein and whole grains with you.
Organic fish and nut oils can really help enhance a
healthy brain and body for you or your
toddler.
9. Time Out. The
tantrums, yelling and stomping feet will happen
from time to time, usually out of frustration. Help
Grandpa to gain control of his temper and forgive
him for losing his cool. Recognize when you or
Grandpa need a time out to recover from the stress
of a toddler who is trying to experience all facets
of life in fifteen minutes. The crushing obligation
and responsibility for the safety of your
grandchild is weighty indeed. Your children trust
you with their most precious gift, their child. If
you need a break, take it before you lose your
temper and do or say regrettable things. The
toddler may not remember you are being a jerk, but
your spouse will.
10. Toddler Time.
Downshift your hectic life to simplified tasks. Try
to accomplish only the absolute minimum during
babysitting occasions. Float into toddler time, be
present with them. Do not think about the past or
plan the future, just be right now. Have no
expectations of getting anything done except
keeping company with your wild and crazy charge.
Return the undamaged toddler to his or her parents
and let them worry about teaching manners or
discipline. The kids will scream, “Yes,”
the next time their parents ask, “Do you want
to go to stay with Grandma and Grandpa?”
Proudly you will smile at your spouse and whisper,
“Mission accomplished.”
©2010, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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