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Bad Therapist
Advice
How do you find a competent expert to help you with
your relationship? If you pay $200 to $500 an hour
to try to save your marriage or relationship, and
the advice you receive just does not feel right, do
you follow the experts recommendations or do you
trust your gut instinct? Many of the biggest names
in counseling do not have the wisest
advice.
Sometimes therapists can
be wrong. If you have read a book or listen to a
television program that advises you to take action
in a surprising way, run it past your extended
family first. Often these expert are interested in
sales and ratings so shock value is important. Seek
out emotionally supportive friends and relatives
who care deeply about your the happiness and
welfare. They can help to ground you when your head
may be swimming and your belly full of fear when
anticipating a break-up or confrontation.
If your loved ones agree
on your course of action, you may then want to seek
the help of two professional therapists. However,
therapists have weaknesses and "issues" just like
everyone else. If you touch on a subject that is a
hot button for the therapist, he or she might react
by personalizing your issue and give you
unprofessional advice. If you remind them of their
ex, they may not be able to remain unbiased or help
you at all.
If you are considering
leaving a good spouse with whom you have simply
fallen out of love, please take a long time to
consider and reconsider any ways to keep an
existing relationship together. As you fantasize
about greener grass, realize that replacing a
partner is more difficult and takes longer than you
might expect. Most patients in their seventies and
eighties confess they have fallen in and out of
love with their spouses of fifty years many times
but stayed together and weathered the ups and downs
of their relationship.
If you have substance
abuse problems you may have difficulty taking any
advice or seeing your behavior clearly. This might
be the time to trust an expert even if your
inclinations are to ignore their "nagging"
suggestions. Few relationships can survive a full
blown addiction, without strong intervention and
help from professionals.
A therapist can only
assist a couple. You must ultimately take
responsibility for your own mental health and the
health of your relationships. Although an unbiased
opinion is an important tool, only you and your
partner can heal or destroy your
relationship.
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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