Need a Ride,
Friend?
It was looking like rain. I was almost on time for
an appointment and the traffic was irritatingly
slow. Another red light stopped my progress and I
used my time management skills by applying my
mascara. Something on the sidewalk of the busy
street caught my eye. Against a building near the
bus stop, a young woman sat with her legs
outstretched on the ground. The shadow of the
building shielded her slightly from the sun. In her
arms, a child slept heavily, the kind of sleep that
only children can reach or the very ill. His
flawless face was intensely serious and his limbs
were limp in oblivious slumber. I glanced at her.
She was starring straight ahead and motionless,
waiting. The light changed and I flung my mascara
back in my bag and began to accelerate.
"I could go back," I
thought, "to give her a ride."
The Illinois friendly
country girl felt a strong urge to turn her car
around. The idea of helping made me feel good and
excited and I felt my spirits lift.
How far away does she live
I wondered? How far do these buses run? I had no
time to spare to make it to my appointment, but I
had been late before...for far less noble reasons.
I thought about her reaction. Would it make her day
if I pulled up in my beautiful car and offered to
deliver them safely to their home? She would not
have to wait in the sun with her tired toddler. She
could save her bus fare money. She could put her
child in his bed.
Then, like a knife cutting
through my good will, I imagined the consequences.
Perhaps, she would feel frightened by a stranger
stopping to speak to her. I did not have a car seat
for the child and I might get a ticket. She could
live very far away or in a dangerous neighborhood.
The child might be ill and contagious and I would
be exposed. What if I had an accident? They might
sue me in spite of my generosity.
Funny, everything that
happened took place in only a few moments and was
all inside my head. By now, I was several blocks
away. Paranoia and precaution overtook my
willingness to help. I was blind-sided by the
reality of trying to help someone less fortunate
than myself and I opted out. Ashamed and angry for
my cowardice, I struggled to understand my
heartlessness or was it just selfishness?
Certainly, I stayed
sensible and safe from potential danger. However,
somehow in that moment I became less of whom I
wanted to be. In that missed opportunity to be
courageous and generous, I became a part of a trend
in our litigious society and was repulsed. Because
I was clutching so tightly to my property, my
security and my personal safety, I could no longer
take a risk to help another person.
Is this why people, who
are seeking a profound level of spirituality and
love for their fellow beings, begin to unshackle
themselves from "things?" Things that must be
maintained, housed, repaired and guarded. If I had
been in an old car, without much to lose and had
lived a life of giving instead of too often
accumulating perhaps I would have signaled, driven
around the block and offered to give a friend a
ride. Because the odds were just as good that she
would be a friend, as they were that she would be a
foe.
When did I lose the trust
that people are mostly good? When did I cross over
to taking care of me and letting the rest fend for
themselves. What happened to my caring Midwestern
roots that I love?
We have choices like these
all day. Choices to listen to prejudice and
escalation of derision and hatred, turn the
channel, or walk away. We have choices with our
political vote, and with our most effective choice
of how we spend our dollar.
Today, I choose to put the
brakes on fear and mistrust. There will be greater
risk, but life is not meant to be simply long. I
will start by finding some trust in my own
decisions and maybe my instincts, too.
Next time, I hope I take a
chance and ask, "Need a ride, Friend?"
©2009, Molly
Barrow
* * *
Dr. Molly
Barrow holds a Ph.D. in clinical psychology and is
the author of the new book, Matchlines:
A revolutionary New Way of looking at relationships
and making the right choices in
love. She is an
authority on relationship and psychological topics,
a member of the American Psychological Association
and a licensed mental health counselor. Dr. Molly
has appeared as an expert on NBC, PBS, KTLA, and in
O Magazine, Psychology Today, Newsday, MSN.com,
Match.com, Women's Health and Women's World. Please
visit: www.askdrmolly.com
or Take the new relationship compatibility test,
Match Lines Systems for Successful Relationships
for Singles, Couples and Business at
www.DrMollyBarrow.com.
Molly has a radio program, Your Relationship
Answers at www.blogtalkradio.com/drmollybarrow
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