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Dads Have Physical Symptoms Too
Dear MrDad. My wife is pregnant and I've
started putting on weight too! I've also been
having nose bleeds and headaches. What's wrong with
me?
A: In a word, there's nothing wrong with
you. Given that you're not actually pregnant, most
of what you're going to go through while your wife
is expecting will be psychological. But as you've
found out, there are some occasional physical
symptoms too. In fact, somewhere between 25 and 90
percent of dads-to-be in this country experience
couvade syndrome (from the French, "to hatch"), or
"sympathetic pregnancy." The symptoms are pretty
much the same as those your wife has probably been
complaining about for a few months: mood swings,
food cravings, weight gains. But some are a little
stranger—especially for a guy—such as
toothaches, headaches, itching, nosebleeds, and
sometimes even cysts.
Couvade symptoms usually start cropping up
sometime around the third month of the pregnancy,
taper off for a bit, then pick up again in the
month or two before the baby is born. They almost
always "mysteriously" disappear as soon as the
baby's born.
No one really knows why men get these symptoms
but there are lots of theories. The first is that
as men, we're programmed (socially or biologically,
take your pick) to try to protect our families and
shield them from harm. Since we can't really do
much to minimize the discomfort and pain our wives
experience during pregnancy, our brains come up
with the unique idea of trying to ease their pain
by taking some of it on ourselves. This is
particularly true for expectant dads who feel
somehow responsible for having "gotten her into
this in the first place."
Another theory is that some expectant dads who
develop couvade are feeling jealous and left out
and are subconsciously trying to get people to pay
a little attention to them. It's also possible that
expectant dads' physical symptoms are a kind of way
announcing to the world that they're the
father.
Some recent research has shown that there may
actually be some hormonal reasons for men's
pregnancy symptoms. You know all about how
expectant mothers' hormones change over the course
of the pregnancy, right? Well, one fascinating
study found that pregnant women's husbands' levels
of the same hormones (which men have too, but in
smaller amounts) move rise and fall parallel with
their wives' levels. This may explain why most
expectant dads find themselves paying more
attention to children in the months before their
own are born.
Some psychologists have also speculated that
couvade symptoms may be the expectant dad's
subconscious way of showing his wife that he's
serious about being with her. After all, it's easy
to lie about loving her and wanting to be a good
dad, but it's a lot harder to fake a cyst or a
nosebleed.
©2007, Armin Brott
* * *
It's clear that most American children suffer
too much mother and too little father. - Gloria
Steinem
A
nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott
is the author of Blueprint
for Men's Health: A guide to a health
lifestyle,
The
Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for
Dads-to-Be;
The
New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First
Year, A
Dad's Guide to the Toddler
Years, Throwaway
Dads, The
Single Father: A Dad's Guide to Parenting without a
Partner and Father for
Life. He has written on parenting and fatherhood
for the New York Times Magazine, The
Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of
other periodicals. He also hosts “Positive
Parenting”, a nationally distributed, weekly
talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland,
California. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com
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