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Am I Boring My Child?
Dear Mr. Dad: I'm a stay-at-home dad, and
I'm worried that my daughter will get bored at home
with me and with the same toys. What do I do?
A. Wow, what a great question! You've
really hit on an incredibly common fear—not
only for dads but for stay-at-home moms too.
Rather than come up with a list of activities,
the best way you can deal with your concerns is to
try to think about things a little differently.
First, try to remember that you're not a walking
video arcade; you do not have to entertain your
child during her every waking moment. Like adults,
young children need down time. They're taking in a
lot of new information and need some quiet periods
every day to process it. If you and your child are
together and she wants to spend some time playing
by herself, consider yourself lucky rather than
boring. If she wasn't absolutely sure she could
count on you to be there in an emergency, she'd
never take her eyes off you. So at least once a day
set your daughter up with some Duplo or a puzzle or
some other favorite toy and step back.
Second, consider expanding your definition of
"entertainment." As an adult you're well aware of
the difference between work and play, but to your
child everything is play. And being with you, even
if you're doing things you think are boring, can be
tons of fun--and educational too. That trip to the
grocery store, for example, provides a great
opportunity for your child to learn about shapes
and weights and textures; so let her rub a coconut
and squeeze the Charmin and ask her what she thinks
of the difference. Also keep in mind that your
child wants to be like you and do the things you
do. So let her help you wash the dishes after
dinner or buff the car or pull weeds in the garden.
Whatever you do, be sure to talk to her about every
little detail of what's happening. While doing
errands and chores together may not be "fun" in the
traditional sense it's a wonderful way for your
daughter and you to get to know each other better
and to strengthen your relationship with each
other. That shows her that you love her and that's
one of the most important things a father can ever
do.
©2007, Armin Brott
* * *
It's clear that most American children suffer
too much mother and too little father. - Gloria
Steinem
A
nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott
is the author of Blueprint
for Men's Health: A guide to a health
lifestyle,
The
Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for
Dads-to-Be;
The
New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First
Year, A
Dad's Guide to the Toddler
Years, Throwaway
Dads, The
Single Father: A Dad's Guide to Parenting without a
Partner and Father for
Life. He has written on parenting and fatherhood
for the New York Times Magazine, The
Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of
other periodicals. He also hosts “Positive
Parenting”, a nationally distributed, weekly
talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland,
California. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com
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