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Discipline According To Your Child's
Temperment
Naturally, not every approach to discipline will
work equally well with every child. And one of the
best ways to improve your chances of finding the
right approach for your child is to take his
temperament into consideration. Here are some
temperament-specific tips based on the work of
temperament researcher Jim Cameron:
Energetic, slow-to-adapt kids need to have some
areas in which they can practice their
assertiveness. They need limits that are clear and
consistent but reasonable and flexible (you may
have to state the rule a few times, but he'll come
around eventually). Too many limits will result in
battles of wills; not enough will result in your
being afraid of him all the time. It's especially
tough for these kids to follow instructions in the
evening, so keep them calm by reading or watching a
video instead of wrestling.
Slow adapting kids are likely to protest just
about everything you ask for and it's awfully easy
to interpret their foot-dragging as rebellion or as
an attack on your authority. If you respond
immediately with anger, your child will come to
anticipate your anger and will resist even more. So
instead, give several firm warnings, starting well
in advance. Parents of slow-adapting kids sometimes
just give in out of frustration or lash out with
severe punishments, feel guilty and are overly
permissive again. "For slow adapting children, loss
of control over their own world (getting sent to
their rooms) is the most effective punishment there
is," says Cameron.
Moderate energy, moderate frustration tolerance
kids have lots of tantrums. They want something,
you don't give it to them, and they're off... Their
goal, of course, is to get you to give in.
Don't.
Average energy, fast adjusting kids need to know
exactly what the rules are and where the lines are
drawn. Too many limits and they'll be frustrated by
the lack of freedom. Too few and they'll run
wild.
Irregular, slow-to-warm kids are, as usual,
tough, and your expectations are the key. Expecting
your child to stay in his room at night is fine,
but expecting him to stay in his bed or to go to
sleep right a way is a waste of time. The key here
is to make repeated, yet firm requests for
compliance. And try not to take your child's
initial "deafness" as a personal affront.
©2012, Armin Brott
* * *
It's clear that most American children suffer
too much mother and too little father. - Gloria
Steinem
A
nationally recognized parenting expert, Armin Brott
is the author of Blueprint
for Men's Health: A guide to a health
lifestyle,
The
Expectant Father: Facts, Tips, and Advice for
Dads-to-Be;
The
New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First
Year, A
Dad's Guide to the Toddler
Years, Throwaway
Dads, The
Single Father: A Dad's Guide to Parenting without a
Partner and Father for
Life. He has written on parenting and fatherhood
for the New York Times Magazine, The
Washington Post, Newsweek and dozens of
other periodicals. He also hosts “Positive
Parenting”, a nationally distributed, weekly
talk show, and lives with his family in Oakland,
California. Visit Armin at www.mrdad.com
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