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The Music Man
The bond between mother and child can never be
broken, it can only be incomplete by degree. The
bond between father and child must be nurtured to
exist at all. The chances for failure are
infinite.
It's been a very long day. Up at 6:00 a.m.,
write for a couple of hours, work all day, do some
errands and run a men's group until 9:30 p.m. Now
it's 11:30 and I'm standing in a smoky bar, but I
neither smoke nor drink. At 51 I'm easily the
oldest person here. My saving grace is that I don't
have the shortest hair.
The wonderful young girls pose with delicate
security to see who that good looking kid at the
other end of the bar is staring at. Two hundred or
so pair of eyes darting about, afraid to land
anywhere for more than a few seconds. When they see
it's not them being looked at, they light up a
cigarette. They don't even notice that I'm taking
it all in, in my best Hemingway- like
tradition.
The band is so loud I can feel my pulse keeping
time. It is a small college area bar, that brings
in new local bands to try out one night a week. My
kid is up there on stage in day glow trousers that
in other times might have been a hot air balloon.
His Guitar singing out in rhapsodic harmony to the
monotony of a reggae beat. Incessantly. I've always
hated reggae for some reason. Perhaps because I
never stopped to really listen to it. I get no
connection to anything that resonates for me. And
yet, this group is good. I find myself mesmerized
in the rhythms, delighted in the joy and happiness
of the kids on stage and off. The beat of the music
is everywhere. Every nimble young body, and a few
not so nimble, moves to the beat...even mine.
Everyone, somehow, in some mystical way, is
connected.
I feel a great sense of gratitude that these
kids can find a moment of pleasure in their music.
As I look around, I fall swiftly into a time warp
and for just an instant, remember myself, 30 years
ago, in a bar just like this, when I did smoke and
drink, and the length of my hair told everyone
everything they needed to know about me. It was not
meant for me to make the music then, although I
would have battled lions to be able to. It is my
son's turn now, and I get to share two dreams. Mine
and his.
Suspended momentarily in my time travel I heard
the music of Presley and The Beatles and Jefferson
Airplane and The Yard Birds. Just as loud, the same
insecure wonderful girls, the same lost young boys.
I'm struck by how little has really changed. The
years flash across my eye lids by in generational
syncopation. I think about what it would be like to
do it over again, starting here, tonight and it
seems for a moment like a nice idea. I am sure that
the girls in my bar never looked as good as these
girls here tonight. I really want to be twenty one
again and for a few precious moments I am.
Finally, the smoke gets to me and I have to
leave. As I walk out the door, I become aware that
I smell like an old Pennsylvania Dutch tobacco barn
in the fall. The cool night air brings me quickly
back into the Tuesday evening. I am thrilled that
my son gets to live through all this from under the
lights. I am delighted that he can and am proudly
jealous of his talent. I look forward to sharing
his experiences. But all in all, I think even if I
could, I wouldn't want to do it again.
Once is enough--but there is great merit in the
dream.
© 2008, Kenneth F.
Byers
Other Transition Issues,
Books
* * *
A permanent state of transition is man's most
noble condition. - Juan Ramon Jimenez
Ken Byers
holds a Ph.D. in psychology with an emphasis in
Men's Studies, one of the few ever awarded in the
U.S. Ken is a full time Certified Professional Life
Coach specializing in working with men in any form
of transition and an instructor of design at San
Francisco State University.
His books, "Man
In Transition" and
"Who
Was That Masked man
Anyway" are widely
acknowledged as primers for men seeking deeper
knowledge of creating awareness and understanding
of the masculine way. More information on Ken, his
work and/or subscription information to the weekly
"Spirit Coach" newsletter which deals with elements
of the human spirit in short commentary, check the
box at www.etropolis.com/coachken/
or www.etropolis.com/coachken/what.htm
or www.etropolis.com/coachken/speak.htm
or E-Mail
You are welcome to share any of Ken's columns with
anyone without fee from or to him but please credit
to the author. Ken can be reached at:
415.239.6929.
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