50 More Reasons We're Glad to be Men

51. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe. EVER.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming by.
56. You think the 'Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition' are hilarious.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a hoot if someone notices your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy for hours without even thinking "He must be mad at me."
60. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Did I mention "Sports Center"?
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just "too yukky looking."
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what you are wearing.
69. Same work.... More pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You know what Jackson Browne's "Redneck Friend" is.
72. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. Did I mention "Baywatch?"
80. You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties kick butt over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your friends that you've "changed."
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase " ---- it!"
88. If another guy shows up at a party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
90. You don't miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
91. Your last name stays put.
92. You understand the lyrics in all the Loudon Wainwright III songs.
93. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
94. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. Enough said.
95. Even an old beat-up lawn mower reminds you of your 66 Pontiac GTO.
96. You know what Prince's "Little Red Corvette" is.
97. Dry cleaners and hair cutters don't rob you blind.
98. You can get into a non-trivial pissing contest.
99. You can appreciate a 600-watt car stereo; you don't have to turn it all the way up, right?
100. There is always a game on somewhere!!

© 2009, Kenneth F. Byers

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A permanent state of transition is man's most noble condition. - Juan Ramon Jimenez

Ken Byers holds a Ph.D. in psychology with an emphasis in Men's Studies, one of the few ever awarded in the U.S. Ken is a full time Certified Professional Life Coach specializing in working with men in any form of transition and an instructor of design at San Francisco State University.

His books, "Man In Transition" and "Who Was That Masked man Anyway" are widely acknowledged as primers for men seeking deeper knowledge of creating awareness and understanding of the masculine way. More information on Ken, his work and/or subscription information to the weekly "Spirit Coach" newsletter which deals with elements of the human spirit in short commentary, check the box at or or or E-Mail You are welcome to share any of Ken's columns with anyone without fee from or to him but please credit to the author. Ken can be reached at: 415.239.6929.

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