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January
The Centerfold Syndrome
At some point in the childhood of almost every
American male, a boy encounters the centerfold. My
introduction occurred sometime in junior high, when
a savvy older friend handed me a wad of well-worn
papers and told me to "take these and have some
fun."
I frankly didn't know what they were until hours
later, walking home, when I pulled them from my
pocket, stopped on the sidewalk, and gaped. It was
a confusing moment. I was captivated, but also
perplexed. I couldn't stop wondering why in the
world this young, pleasant-looking woman was
putting her body on display.
Eventually, I stopped caring about that woman,
and began to relate primarily to her parts. In so
doing, says Texas psychologist Gary R. Brooks, I
joined the legions of American males afflicted with
"the centerfold syndrome."
Brooks coined that phrase -- and has written a
new book by that name -- to describe how
heterosexual males become obsessed with women's
body parts. He says that while men's interest in
sexuality is inborn, the manner in which we act out
our sexuality is learned behavior.
"In our society, men generally learn to pair
orgasm with visions of naked, air-brushed women,"
Brooks says. "And we can learn to unpair the
two."
Why would a man want to?
Brooks says that men under the influence of the
centerfold syndrome become virtual lapdogs in the
company of an attractive woman. They're willing to
compromise their ntegrity, and their safety, by
having sex with women they don't know or like. And
they often feel depressed or guilty after these
encounters.
Married men with the syndrome, meanwhile, tend
to be jealous of men with centerfold-like wives,
Brooks says. And they sometimes feel cheated when
their own wives gain weight, develop stretch marks,
or in some other way diverge from the cultural
symbols of beauty.
This was the case about 20 years ago with Brooks
himself.
After 15 years of marriage, Brooks, then in his
late-30s, began to notice signs of aging in his
wife. He found himself obsessing on those signs,
becoming angry with his wife, and even pressuring
her to change.
Eventually, he realized that this was not his
wife's problem, but his own. Like many males
growing up in post- war America, Brooks had learned
about women's bodies primarily from pornography,
James Bond movies and older male acquaintances. His
earliest relationships with women, he recalls,
often ended when he no longer could accept their
physical "flaws".
Now nearing midlife, however, Brooks saw that if
he wanted his marriage to last, he'd have to let go
of perfection. He stopped masturbating with images
of naked strangers, and started fantasizing about
sex with someone he cared about. He retrained his
mind, and his body, to de-emphasize a woman's
individual parts.
Today, his early conditioning still emerges at
times.
But he says his definition of beauty has
broadened to include "the woman as a whole" -- her
tenderness, openness and strength, as well as her
body. Meanwhile, he says, sex has never been
better.
"When I was worried about perfection, there was
a let- down after sex," Brooks says. "There's
always a physiological let-down, but this was
emotional. I'd feel depressed and alienated. Now,
sex is more communicative. There's less haste, less
pretending. Afterward, I have a feeling of comfort
and connection."
To some men, comfort and connection in sex are
not high priorities. To them, "The Centerfold
Syndrome" (Jossey-Bass) may read like the
rationalizations of a middle- aged man who still,
deep-down, wants to sleep with Misses January
through December.
In fact, though, by revealing his own sexual
insecurities, Brooks gives depth to his
intellectually insightful book. And he gives hope
to those men who seek genuine sexual fulfillment in
a culture that distorts, perverts and attempts to
profit from our most intense and sacred
desires.
©2008, Neil
Chethik
* * *
For 20
years, Neil Chethik has made it his goal to find
out what men really think -- about family,
relationships, fathering, aging, sex, and more. He
is the author of two best-selling books,
Fatherloss
(Hyperion) and VoiceMale
(Simon & Schuster). He’s been a nationally
syndicated columnist, a big-hall speaker, and now,
the national media’s go-to guy for what men
really think about their everyday lives. Contact:
Neil Chethik, P.O. Box 8071, Lexington, KY 40533 or
859.361.1659 or E-Mail
or
www.NeilChethik.com
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