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Emotional Abuse Defined
Ever wonder just what emotional abuse is? Tune in
to Dr. Laura's radio talk show. But please don't
listen for more than a minute or two. Her
completely wrong advise about how to treat your
family members is surpassed only by her flagrant
abuse of the callers themselves. She is a master of
shame and humiliation masquerading as help. The
antidote to her poison: respect. People thrive on
it.
Dr. Spock goes to heaven
You may have missed it in the news, but a couple
of years ago Dr. Spock died. He was the author of
the hugely popular text on raising children in the
fifties and sixties. Succeeding authors have made
great improvements on his work, so I didn't think
much about his passing, until an obituary I read in
the editorial pages helped me put his message in
proper context. Dr. Spock's views were a big leap
from the "children are to be seen and not heard"
pedagogy that came before him.
Corporeal punishment, isolation, and shame were
tactics that had been widely touted prior to his
book. Instead, he urged parents to trust their own
instincts and not to treat their children in ways
that don't feel right, even if advised to by
"experts". In his trust of parents he modeled how
parents might trust their children. And with his
faith in human nature he won the trust of a whole
generation. Spock took considerable heat for his
views. He was blamed by some for the rebelliousness
of the children raised under his standard of
"permissiveness". But Spock stood along side the
young adults whose values he was held responsible
for. In 1968 Spock was arrested for protesting the
Vietnam war. When questioned why a pediatrician
would involve himself in such politics, Spock asked
what the point of raising healthy children is, if
we then ship them all off to be killed.
I know my parents read Dr. Spock, though they
had been raised without his guidance. And I now
feel grateful to the man. My father complained
throughout my childhood about how good we kids had
it compared to kids in his day. When he joked that
children should be seen and not heard, he was
telling us what it had been like for him. When his
dad said it, it was real. My parents suffered in
ways I did not have to. And there are scars on
their characters that I have judged them for,
without knowing that it was changes they made in
their parenting that saved me from being hurt in
the same way.
My freedom to think for myself and my ability to
understand human nature are things I have been very
proud of, as if they were all my doing. In fact, it
was the work of Dr. Spock, other child advocates,
my parents, and my teachers that brought me to
where I am. With Spock's help under our belts I
wonder, "Now how can we make it even better for our
kids?"
© 2008 Tim
Hartnett
Other Father Issues,
Books
* * *
Parents are the bones on which children sharpen
their teeth. - Peter Ustinov
Tim
Hartnett, MFT is father to Molly at their home in
Santa Cruz, CA. Tim also works part time as a
writer, psychotherapist and men's group leader. If
you have any feedback, or would like to receive the
monthly column, "Daddyman Speaks" by Tim Hartnett
regularly via email, (free and confidential) send
your name and email address to E-Mail
Tim Hartnett, 911 Center St. Suite "C", Santa Cruz,
CA 95060, 831.464.2922 voice & fax.
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