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The Best Father You Can Be
Being a father is the most important thing in my
life. It's the biggest commitment I've ever made.
And it has presented me with both the hardest
challenges and the greatest satisfaction I
know.
One of my passions in writing this column is to
support dads who are also trying to be the best
fathers they can be. There are some real obstacles
to men on this path. But meeting these challenges
can make fatherhood all the more rewarding.
Competing Life Goals
I always knew I wanted to be a father. I also
knew I wanted to be a musician, an author, a
carpenter, a psychotherapist, an athlete, a farmer,
a teacher, etc. etc. etc. My head has been full of
career dreams ever since I was first asked what I
wanted to be when I grew up. As I envisioned my
life I figured I would do "the father part" along
side all the other dreams. Little did I know that
being a father would put almost everything else on
the back burner.
I remember my daughter, Molly, as a toddler
calling to me from the climbing structure at the
park. It was hard for her to get my attention away
from the list of things to do I held in my hand. I
wanted so badly to be able to cross something off
that list. Once again, however, I had to fold the
paper up and stick it back in my pocket. The kids
on the hanging bridge needed a big scary troll
under them, and that was more important in the
moment.
Earning an income for the family is a crucial
goal that often competes with having time for
direct care giving. Fathers sometimes find their
income producing services are so necessary that
they get very little daily contact with their
children. This is unfortunate, since children also
need as much time with their fathers as they can
get.
What is a greater tragedy, however, is when
fathers unnecessarily devote inordinate amounts of
time to their career, and miss their chance to be a
loving presence to their children.
© 2008, Tim
Hartnett
Other Father Issues,
Books
* * *
Your children need your presence more than your
presents. - Jesse Jackson
Tim
Hartnett, Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist in private practice in Santa Cruz, CA. He
specializes in Individual Counseling, Couples
Therapy, and Divorce Mediation. He can be reached
at 831.464.2922 or through his website:
www.TimHartnett.com
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