|
Trust
Some folks say that there are a bunch of souls
hanging out somewhere in the great void getting
ready to choose their next set of parents and get
themselves born. I don't know what to think about
that. But I am struck by the leap of faith babies
are taking when they enter this world. As our
daughter looked up at her mother and me on that
very first day, she was the picture of peacefulness
and serenity. She had only just learned how to
breathe. The rest of her repertoire included only
crying and sucking. She was completely dependent
upon us. And she trusted us implicitly. She didn't
know what she would need, but she seemed sure that
we would take care of it, whatever it was.
At times I wondered about the wisdom of her
blind faith. How was she so sure I would be a good
parent? I was far from convinced of that myself.
Didn't she know how easily I would get distracted
from parenting by my various other pursuits? Didn't
she know I had my weak points? Didn't she know that
I had never done this before?
Still she trusted me with all her might. She
trusted that I would keep her warm and dry and fed.
She trusted that I would keep her safe from all the
harms of the world. Did she know that this world is
full of harms from which I myself do not always
feel safe?
Now that she is four, she trusts me to think
well of her. When she wakes me up by knee-dropping
onto my mid-back she trusts that I will not shame
her as if she meant to do me harm. She hopes
instead that I will patiently teach her about my
body's vulnerabilities and show her safe ways to
use her power.
And when she is older and she comes home from
school and sits around and whines, "I'm bored!" she
trusts that I will hear that she needs some help
initiating some activity interesting to her. She
has faith that I will not blame her for her
troubles in order to avoid feeling guilty about not
being available enough to her.
And as a young teenager, when she gets all
excited about something I think is completely
ridiculous, she trusts that I will not ridicule her
interests. She wants me to see that what is
important to her friends is important to her. She
expects me to challenge my aging neural pathways
and to open my mind, with her as my teacher, on a
subject I was sure I already knew everything worth
knowing about.
And when as a full-fledged teenager she says to
me, "Screw you and everything you stand for!" she
trusts that I will translate her words inside my
head. She is relying on me to hear, "I need some
space now to figure out who I am without you
around. I'll be back in a little while."
As I said, I wonder why she thinks I can be
trusted with all these things. I've already messed
up many times. But in the end she will be asking me
to trust her. She will want me to trust that she
can live her own life and make her own decisions. I
imagine she'll be asking for that before I'm sure
she is ready to do it. How will I be able to let
her walk away when I know how much there is that
she will not yet be prepared for?
But then all along the way didn't she trust me
before I was ready? Didn't she have faith that I
would rise to the occasion in ways I had never done
before? And didn't I do the best I could?
© 2007, Tim
Hartnett
Other Father Issues,
Books
* * *
Your children need your presence more than your
presents. - Jesse Jackson
Tim
Hartnett, Ph.D. is a licensed Marriage and Family
Therapist in private practice in Santa Cruz, CA. He
specializes in Individual Counseling, Couples
Therapy, and Divorce Mediation. He can be reached
at 831.464.2922 or through his website:
www.TimHartnett.com
Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2023, Gordon Clay
|
