Cavemen in
the Kitchen

Things from the Dirt - Moo Shoorito

The ‘Moo’ comes from Moo Shoo as in the flimsy little tortilla type thing that you get when you order this dish at a Chinese restaurant. In talking to a Chinese girl, she told me the authentic translation for this term is ‘pancake.’ Damn that’s original! Well, those pancake things always fall apart so this recipe calls for tortillas. Now there’s a wrap that’ll hold anything. Since it’s a tortilla, I took the ‘rito’ away from ‘bur’ and there it is.

This is a great meal if you are with a girl who is a vegetarian. So, when she shows up with the leather Gucci purse and peels of her leather Calvin Klein jacket to stay awhile, you can show your sensitivity to her needs by serving this ‘veggie’ dish.


1. 2 cups of frozen vegetables (fresh if you prefer to work harder by chopping them). The ones you want will have to have some water chestnuts, bell peppers and some small pea pods. Really, to be easy about it, just look for frozen vegetables that have that words stir-fry, Asian or Oriental or something
2. A package of flour tortillas
3. Hoi sin sauce. This is found in the ethnic food section of any major shopping chain. If you go to the ethnic section of the store and find only macaroni and cheese, white bread and cheese whiz, this means that you are in Chinatown and have to go to their regular sauce and dressing section


See that the vegetables are cut into small pieces with none larger than a dice. Toss a little water in a pan, maybe about ¼” deep and heat it up. Put the chopped veggies in there and get them so they are warm. Keeping the vegetables crisp but warm/hot is the best, as they taste better. But, as they are frozen, they have probably lost all their taste anyway. So, put a teeny bit of soy sauce in there. Soy means salt in Japanese and Chinese.


To serve this meal, drain the veggies and put them in a covered bowl so that they will stay warm. Also, have the hoi sin in a bowl with a nice little spoon and then put both it and the veggies on the table. Then, take a flour tortilla, put it on a microwave safe plate and nuke it for 22 seconds. You want the tortilla to be warm and pliable which is pretty much how you want your date to be later. Get two of these going as close together as possible so that you can eat together.

When the tortillas are set, bring them out and demonstrate the proper technique. Put a bead of hoi sin in the center of your tortilla and on top of it, put a nice line of vegetables. Roll it up like a burrito and there you are. Ah, so good!

©2008, by Ron DesMarais

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Ron DesMarais started life in Charlottesville, VA and has lived in several parts of the United States. When people hear the number of times he has moved, the question invariably arises as to whether or not he was an ‘Army Brat.’ There is only a half-truth there and that is found by dropping ‘Army’; unless, you consider ‘Army of Darkness.’ After moving with his parents for several years, Ron continued his nomadic ways, which were spurred by his mother’s finding out where he currently lived. In the process of changing dwellings and never getting rental deposits back (which he claims were never his fault), Ron’s financial status required that he start cooking for himself, as he could not afford eating out. This resulted in his quickly getting bored with Top Ramen and deciding to get creative in the kitchen. Soon, a list of recipes with a limited number of inexpensive ingredients started coming together. What really bolstered the creation of his book Cavemen in the Kitchen, and the writing of it as not just a cookbook but a ‘dating aid’ as well was when Ron ended up at a date’s house after a financially draining evening out. As both were hungry but Ron too broke and both too tired to go out somewhere, Ron dug through her cabinets, found some items to work with and based on a recipe he had created earlier, he created a meal for both. She loved it and the results of the meal were amazing in ways those under 18 should not hear about. From that point, dates for Ron consisted of cooking dinner, either at his house or the date’s house, and afterwards, either watching a video or doing something else. Click here to order a copy of the book (Contains adult content.)

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