Cavemen in
the Kitchen


This is a cool little Italian kinda’ thing. Flat out, it is nothing but extra mild salsa on a piece of toast. But saying, “Would you like some salsa on toast?” does not bode well for an attempt at appearing cultured. So, call it Bruschetta and offer it that way. Besides, I have found that a few words in Italian or French can do wonders on a date. Bruschetta is quick to make and what is better, it looks like you spent all sorts of time on it. In fact, even though you are going to probably use little toasted pieces of bread all set to go from the store, you can even say that you seasoned the bread and then oven toasted it. Make it seem like you put more effort into than you really did.


1. 2 Roma tomatoes, these are the harder tomatoes that are about the size and shape of an egg
2. Four leaves of fresh basil. (Yeah, you can use the dried stuff in the bottle that is all chopped and minced, but, it does make a difference to use the fresh stuff here)
3. 1 tsp olive oil
4. ½ tsp of garlic powder
5. A bag of store bought toast things. The pieces have to be about 1 ½” to 2 ½” in diameter and about ¼” thick.


Take the tomatoes and the basil and be sure to wash them off. Otherwise, you will have pieces of dirt on them and when you eat, the dirt will crunch and sound really weird. Also, we eat enough dirt in our everyday lives, especially when something falls on the floor and we extend the ‘two-second rule’ to three. So, why serve yourself more dirt? Once everything is washed, cut the stem part out of top of the tomatoes, and then dice them into little cubes about ¼ “ by ¼ “. Toss them in a bowl.

Now put the basil leaves on a cutting board and cut them into little pieces about the same size as the tomatoes. Toss them in with the tomatoes, add the oil and the garlic powder and mix it all together. The hard part is done.


Put the tomato mix and all in a nice little bowl and include a small spoon for scooping the mix out. Place the bowl on a plate and arrange the little toast things around it. To eat it, use the spoon to rest some of the tomato stuff on the toast thing and chow. Finally, a word of advice, dish one up for your date and give it to her. If she lets you, feed it to her! This show of class and tact will probably get her to say, “Mmmm, tasty!” even if she thinks it tastes like crap.

©2010, by Ron DesMarais

Related Books

Ron DesMarais started life in Charlottesville, VA and has lived in several parts of the United States. When people hear the number of times he has moved, the question invariably arises as to whether or not he was an ‘Army Brat.’ There is only a half-truth there and that is found by dropping ‘Army’; unless, you consider ‘Army of Darkness.’ After moving with his parents for several years, Ron continued his nomadic ways, which were spurred by his mother’s finding out where he currently lived. In the process of changing dwellings and never getting rental deposits back (which he claims were never his fault), Ron’s financial status required that he start cooking for himself, as he could not afford eating out. This resulted in his quickly getting bored with Top Ramen and deciding to get creative in the kitchen. Soon, a list of recipes with a limited number of inexpensive ingredients started coming together. What really bolstered the creation of his book Cavemen in the Kitchen, and the writing of it as not just a cookbook but a ‘dating aid’ as well was when Ron ended up at a date’s house after a financially draining evening out. As both were hungry but Ron too broke and both too tired to go out somewhere, Ron dug through her cabinets, found some items to work with and based on a recipe he had created earlier, he created a meal for both. She loved it and the results of the meal were amazing in ways those under 18 should not hear about. From that point, dates for Ron consisted of cooking dinner, either at his house or the date’s house, and afterwards, either watching a video or doing something else. Click here to order a copy of the book (Contains adult content.)

Contact Us | Disclaimer | Privacy Statement
Menstuff® Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon Clay
©1996-2019, Gordon Clay