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From Jekyll to Hyde: The Story of Barry and
Sharon
The book Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was written by
Robert Louis Stevenson in 1886 and has become a
mainstay of stage and screen throughout the world.
It seems to speak to something in the human psyche,
particularly the male mind. The story is about Dr.
Henry Jekyll who is pursuing his life-long quest to
separate the two natures of man to get at the
essence of good and evil.
Refused help by his peers and superiors, he
begins experiments on himself with his formula. He
meets with success, and shocking results. The evil
nature of Dr. Jekyll surfaces as a separate
identity: Edward Hyde. Hyde begins murdering the
members of the Board of Governors who previously
refused assistance to Jekyll's cause. Throughout
the story Jekyll fights in vain to keep his darker
half under control.
I have increasingly met with women who feel
their mates have undergone some kind of
transformation from loving to mean, sensitive to
uncaring, involved to absent. One of these was
Sharon, a 38 year-old woman who came to see me
because he was at her wits end and didn’t know
what to do. “I have been trying to tell my
husband that he has changed into a Jekyll/Hyde
personality overnight but he wouldn't believe me
and blamed all his frustration on me.”
Her husband, Barry is a 42 year-old attorney who
she describes as “very successful, good
looking, and very physically fit.” Things
seemed to be pretty good for most of their married
life. “He pursued me in college and we got
married after graduation. We have been married 19
years, with 18 1/2 of those being wonderful and
blissful. He even said just 7 months ago, ‘You
still turn me on after all these years" and "you
don't need to wear makeup, you're beautiful just
the way you are’. We have 2 great kids, a 15
year old daughter and a 10 year old son. He has
been the IDEAL husband and father for all these
years until now.”
“Most of this seemed to have started after
he visited a close friend in Minnesota. Barry came
back a day early "freaked out" because his friend
Warren seemed so depressed. He told me Warren and
Susan haven't made love in 9 months and asked me if
I was still attracted to him. I told him of course
I was, that he didn’t have anything to worry
about.
“I thought that would settle things, but
over the next few weeks things got worse. He went
from being one of the most gentle and kind men I
know to being aggressive and hostile. He’d
alternate between yelling and screaming at me and
withdrawing into silence. At first he wouldn’t
tell me what was wrong. Finally we had a heated
discussion that lasted well into the night and
early morning. Through the hours that we talked he
told me he ‘wanted his space,’ ‘I'm
not sure if I want to continue to be a married
family man’, ‘I can't decide if I should
stay or leave’, ‘I've always been
someone's son, husband, father and now I want to
put myself first’”.
Sharon was in tears as she tried to sort out her
confused feelings. “How can someone who has
been such a dedicated husband and father make such
a strong statement that he is not sure he wants to
continue to be a family man? He doesn't have the
other symptoms like tiredness and weight gain; but
he has a hard time kissing me and being touched.
When I try to kiss him he turns his head away.
It’s devastating.”
Points of Understanding
- Men experiencing IMS can change, seemingly
overnight, from “peaceful” to
“agitated,” from “loving to
mean,” from “content” to
“discontented.”
- Although not always the case, there may be
some triggering event such as a crisis with a
close friend or relative.
- Often the man describes his roles as a son,
a father, a husband, a friend. He may feel
trapped and believe he has lost his sense of
self, his own sense of identity. “When will
it be time for me?” he may want to
scream.
- In his fear and confusion he may feel he has
to pull away, destroy the old in order to move
on to something new.
There is another way. Men at this time of life
often want to be free. We want to shed the old ways
and find a new self that we can relate to as we
age. We often don’t know how to bring that
about without destroying what we have. However,
with guidance and support we can be free and also
keep the closeness we crave as well. What have you
experienced? I’d like to hear from you.
©2010 Jed
Diamond
See Books,
Issues
+ Suicide
* * *
Wealth can't buy health, but health can buy
wealth. - Henry David Thoreau
Jed Diamond
is the internationally best-selling author of seven
books including Male
Menopause, now
translated into 17 foreign languages and his
latest book, The
Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing. The 4 Key Causes
of Depression and
Aggression. For over
38 years he has been a leader in the field of men's
health. He is a member of the International
Scientific Board of the World Congress on
Men’s Health and has been on the Board of
Advisors of the Men’s Health Network since its
founding in 1992. His work has been featured in
major newspapers throughout the United States
including the New York Times, Boston Globe, Wall
Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, and USA
Today. He has been featured on more than 1,000
radio and T.V. programs including The View with
Barbara Walters, Good Morning America, Inside
Edition, CBS, NBC, and Fox News, To Tell the Truth,
Extra, Leeza, Geraldo, and Joan Rivers. He also did
a nationally televised special on Male Menopause
for PBS. He looks forward to your feedback.
E-Mail.
You can visit his website at www.menalive.com
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