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The Legacy of Depression: My Father’s
Story Part I
Every father’s day I think about my children
and grandchildren, but most of all I think of my
father. He was a wonderful man who suffered most of
his life from depression and manic depressive
illness. As a therapist I thought I was immune from
the family inheritance. Many of us have to deal
with a family legacy of depression.
My father was born in Jacksonville, Florida
December 17, 1906. He was one of eight children
whose parents had been born in Eastern Europe and
had come to the United States in the late 1800s.
From what I heard growing up, he was emotionally
sensitive, artistic and talented. He wrote stories,
poetry, and put on little plays for the family.
Unlike most of his brothers and sisters who
either went into business or married business men,
when he was 18 my father went to New York to become
an actor. At first things looked bright. New York
in the 1920s was full of glitter and glitz, a great
place to be for a young man seeking fame and
fortune. But that ended in 1929 with the stock
market crash and the beginning of the Great
Depression.
It was in New York that he met my mother and
they married on her birthday, October 5, 1934 after
a somewhat stormy courtship. Economically things
were difficult, but they were together and ready to
weather the storm. When all money ran out they
would invite friends and acquaintances to their
small apartment and my father would put on a
show—readings from Shakespeare, his own
poetry, or short stories. The price of admission
was a can of food.
But as the economic situation worsened so did
his mood. He would snap at my mother. Small things
irritated him. How she cooked, cleaned their
apartment, or made the bed became points of
discord. Recalling the times, my mother told me,
“He was always on edge. I couldn’t seem
to do anything right. No matter how much I tried to
support him and let him know I cared, he still got
mad at me.”
There were increasingly heated arguments and
fights. He would accuse her of being interested in
other men and “sleeping around.” She
would proclaim her innocence and feel hurt. They
would make up, make love, and everything would seem
all right. And they would be all right, until the
next time. There was always a next time.
My mother was always able to find work as a
secretary. She had excellent skills and even in bad
times people needed her talents and experience.
However, there weren’t a lot of people looking
for my father’s skills and talents. Not
feeling comfortable at home, my father spent more
and more time away. “He’d stay away for
hours at a time,” my mother said.
“Sometimes he wouldn’t come home until
early the next morning.”
His brothers tried to convince them to come home
to Florida and sell insurance like they were doing.
My father laughed. “I’d rather die
first.” It was a prophetic outburst. He nearly
did die. Most of what I know about his life I
learned from my mother and the journals that he
kept in the last three years before he tried to
kill himself. A lot of my own life has been spent
in fear that I might suffer from the same illness
as father. As is true in so many other areas, until
we confront and deal with legacy of our parents,
both good and bad, we are trapped by truth we are
afraid to acknowledge.
©2010 Jed
Diamond
See Books,
Issues
+ Suicide
* * *
Wealth can't buy health, but health can buy
wealth. - Henry David Thoreau
Jed Diamond
is the internationally best-selling author of seven
books including Male
Menopause, now
translated into 17 foreign languages and his
latest book, The
Irritable Male Syndrome: Managing. The 4 Key Causes
of Depression and
Aggression. For over
38 years he has been a leader in the field of men's
health. He is a member of the International
Scientific Board of the World Congress on
Men’s Health and has been on the Board of
Advisors of the Men’s Health Network since its
founding in 1992. His work has been featured in
major newspapers throughout the United States
including the New York Times, Boston Globe, Wall
Street Journal, The Los Angeles Times, and USA
Today. He has been featured on more than 1,000
radio and T.V. programs including The View with
Barbara Walters, Good Morning America, Inside
Edition, CBS, NBC, and Fox News, To Tell the Truth,
Extra, Leeza, Geraldo, and Joan Rivers. He also did
a nationally televised special on Male Menopause
for PBS. He looks forward to your feedback.
E-Mail.
You can visit his website at www.menalive.com
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