|
September
Challenging The Monkey – Part III -the final
part
Our family really hit it off with Steve
Biddulph’s family – our girls formed
really good friendships with Steve and
Shaaron’s children and within a couple of
weeks Steve had read the manuscript of The Male
Agenda and offered to help me make it into a much
better book.
He taught me how to bring life into it and I
shall be forever grateful to his literary expertise
and care. We agreed to differ on a few things
– he felt too much of the book applied to
women as well – but the truth in my consulting
room year after year was showing me that much of
what applies to men does apply to women as well.
Men are not from Mars! My feeling is that this
whole Venus/Mars concept can be hugely
disempowering as individuals can use it as a
‘get-out’ clause when challenged to make
changes. “Oh but I can’t do anything
about how I am – you see I’m a bloke and
us blokes come from a different planet to
women”.
The resulting manuscript was ready. I sent it
off to the only literary agent I knew and Steve
said it was OK to mention his name. With this sort
of help flying into my world I had no doubt that
the agent would ring me immediately with an offer
to sign me for loads of dosh. It was all so meant
to be.
But it didn’t quite work out like that.
What came back was the most stinging, personal
rejection letter that even my time in the music
business had not entirely prepared me for. The
agent raged at me. How could I dare write about
such subjects in this way.
I was shocked. I showed Steve the letter later
that day. His reaction? “You’ve probably
got the equivalent of a hit record there Barry!
You’ve touched his buttons”. Hmmm. I
hadn’t quite seen it like that.
Reassuring though Steve was, I felt I needed
time away from my baby. I put him to sleep for the
winter, save one or two manuscripts that had gone
out to friends. Even though we thought we needed
the money that a publishing deal might bring, I
resisted the monkey’s desire to take more
action.
During that winter, encouragement, gratitude and
support came back from the men and women that were
reading those initial manuscripts. The following
spring I unwrapped my baby again and took a whole
new look at him. He was beautiful. Yes there were
things that I could change to soften him a bit, but
basically my book was saying something that I knew
needed to be said.
There was still no clarity as to how this book
would get out there. Then, one morning I woke at
about 5.30am. I looked across at my youngest
daughter who was still sharing a bedroom with us.
She looked so beautiful, so innocent, so at peace.
And that’s when it hit me. I hadn’t
written anything on the subject that was probably
closest to my heart. Being a father.
I crept out of the bedroom and into my office. I
knew what I wanted to write. It was quite simple.
The one thing I really wanted to get through to
readers was the thing that had been most
significant in my own life in recent years. That it
is who you are 365 days a year that most profoundly
influences our children. I knew my girls were
benefitting enormously from now having a mum and
dad that were more relaxed, that were having fun
(how important is that to a kid?) and were
supporting each other far more equally. And I knew
that if our girls saw us enjoying adult life then
they would be far more likely to embrace
approaching adulthood with joy and anticipation. I
finished the chapter in a matter of days.
The next morning I received a phone call from a
relative who previously had experienced major
financial deprivation. She had just received an
inheritance and wanted to help me to get the book
printed! A more unlikely financial source I could
never have predicted! It was at that point that I
knew the book really was complete.
Since then, this incredibly organic process has
continued. Support has continued to come from the
most amazing sources. A series of
‘coincidences’(?!) led to Robert Holden,
founder of the Happiness Project and author of
several successful self-help books, enthusing about
the finished manuscript. Dr William Bloom, trustee
of Findhorn for many years and successful author,
also lent the book his full support. When finished
copies eventually rolled off the presses last
summer, the next stage of my baby’s life had
already begun – it was learning to walk and
speak for itself!
We did no advertising. We sent out press
releases to major papers and magazines but received
no interest. Well let’s face it, to these
people we were nothing. Copies just went through
word of mouth. This time, unlike my music business
days, there would be no hype. If this book had a
journey to travel, I wanted it to do it of its own
accord. My monkey? Don’t ask what my monkey
wanted.
And here I am over a year later and the momentum
is clearly building. This gentle process has taken
my little baby across Europe, America, Australia
and the Far East. This summer he was selected for
distribution to all of the UK prison libraries. We
now have information distributing to all national
libraries (please feel free to go and ask your
local library to order a copy!) and are hopeful
that they will also follow suit. And, in spite of
us not being a big publisher, three magazines all
expressed interest at much the same time this
autumn, one of which of course was The Mother
Magazine. And one of the surprising things has been
that it has been women who have been particularly
active in spreading the word about the book –
something I had not anticipated when writing
it!
When I started writing this article I thought I
would tell you all about the book and its contents
– you know try to sell it a bit to you. But
this came out instead.
My monkey’s not at all happy with
me…
©2008, Barry Durdant-Hollamby
See Books,
Issues
Barry
Durdant-Hollamby is the founder of The
Art of
Change
 ,
a UK based organisation specialising in helping
individuals and corporations to effect sustainable,
holistic, positive change. He works intuitively on
a 1-1 or group basis and also conducts many talks
and seminars - all without notes or preparation!
Barry is also the author of three books the latest
of which is The
Male Agenda - a book
which seeks to inspire men to create greater life
balance and happiness. He is the father of two
daughters and lives in the South East of England.
Contact E-Mail
Contact
Us |
Disclaimer
| Privacy
Statement
Menstuff®
Directory
Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon
Clay
©1996-2023, Gordon Clay
|
