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September
What Works in the Real World
An awful lot of what passes for advice around
relationships just doesn’t seem to work in the
real world. I heard one the other day about
“meaningful touches”. Apparently someone
came up with the idea of twelve meaningful touches
each day. Sort of sounds like an almost magical
ritual designed to keep the evil spirits of trouble
away from the door of your love nest. My wife and I
have been married for over 35 years and it’s a
warm and loving marriage that gives both of us that
fulfillment that everybody’s looking for
nowadays.
Today, we were both around the house together
quite a bit. I did some gardening and fixit jobs
and she was cooking for company we’re having
at the house tomorrow. So I counted the number of
times we touched “meaningfully”. It
happened maybe five times. If I really gave any
credence to the “twelve touches” rule, I
would have felt like a failure today, instead of
the winner that I truly am. We need to learn to be
a little more critical whenever we hear of these
rules for living.
Another “rule” that has been around
for years is the one about never going to bed
angry. Another version I just heard states:
“Never go to sleep without saying, ‘I
love you.’” Funny, I once would have
believed in both of those. Reality is far
different.
Most of the arguments that my wife and I have do
not have anything to do with what we’re
arguing about! But our arguments always do have a
reason. We fight with each other when we’re
worried, when we haven’t had enough sleep,
when we are hungry and when we aren’t feeling
well. At those times, it’s not touching or
working things out that we need. What we need is
something to eat and a good night’s sleep.
It’s far better to crawl into bed and pull
the covers over your head and pass out, than to
say, “I love you.”, when you don’t
mean it. The next morning, after a good eight
hours, is the best time to apologize and explain
what you were going through the day before.
“I’m sorry for snapping at you last
night. I was just frazzled from my day at
work.”
“Honey, I didn’t mean to yell at you
yesterday. I think that I’m just worried about
the kids.”
And then, “I love you.”
My next column is about The Power of Making a
Decision.
©2008, Irv Engel
* * *
One's life has value so long as one attributes
values to the life of others, by means of love,
friendship, indignation and compassion., - Simone
de Beauvoir
Irv Engel is a
successful salesman, builder, husband, father,
grandfather and friend. He loves to sing, dance and
is currently taking an art class to learn water
color painting. He is the creator and coordinator
of the Relationship Training Course for Men. This
book, The
Real Deal: A Guide to Achieving Successful and Real
Relationships,
is the result of hundreds of hours spent writing
down the lessons learned in a lifetime of marriage,
divorce, re-marriage and raising four kids. He
hosts free telephone conference coaching sessions
in the evening or on weekends.The conference is a
good way to find out about relationship coaching
and to ask any personal questions around your own
relationships without risk to your money or your
privacy. E-mail
him for phone number, access
code and schedule. Irv and Monica live in Lake
Forest, Calif. They have eleven grandchildren. They
have celebrated their thirty-fifth wedding
anniversary. www.committedrelationships.com
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