Strong Men
Strong Marriage

Pursuing Your Wife - After the Wedding

Everybody knows that single men like to pursue women, especially the special ones they hope to keep with them forever. A man will bring his beloved flowers, plan beautiful evenings, and even share his deepest feelings with her.

But what happens after the wedding? It doesn’t take long for a man to move his attention to something else, whether it’s his work, friends or sports. He assumes that special woman is his now, and he relaxes and gives up the pursuit. He believes that he can stop the chase because he’s caught his quarry. She’s on his side now, so there’s no longer a need for charming her.

When she begins to criticize and complain about his behavior, he’s surprised and disappointed. His reaction is, “I thought she was with me. Why is she causing so much trouble? What does she want out of me?” His wife, of course, wants what she saw in him when he was courting her. She wants that man who was so open, loving, intimate and caring.

Over and over, what I hear from women is that they want that man back, the one who was alive, interested and involved in the relationship. When women start to lose hope in their marriage, it’s very often because they feel neglected, and they want more attention and energy from their men. In other words, they want their men to be present with them again. In courtship a man is fully there, he’s fully present and attentive. He listens and cares for his woman’s welfare. He takes responsibility for changing his bad habits and weak points and he goes out of his way to show he loves her.

My advice for men is to start the pursuit again. Don’t let your spouse do all the heavy lifting to keep the relationship afloat. For instance: line up a nice evening on Saturday night; put energy into listening; appreciate and compliment your mate’s positive attributes; and go out of your way to show you love her. Then, keep it up. Your new, ongoing pursuit will re-capture your woman’s heart and bring excitement and love back into your life. Isn’t that worth doing?

©2010, Marty Friedman

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Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years. - Simone Signoret

Martin G. Friedman is the author of “Straight Talk for Men About Marriage—What Men Need to Know About Marriage (And What Women Need to Know About Men)”. For many years, Marty Friedman taught corporate managers how to create good relationships at work before tackling male/female relationship issues--and applying what he learned to his own marriage. The founder of Men in Marriage, Marty is regularly interviewed on radio and television, and talks to organizations and individuals from a unique, inspirational and humorous perspective. Find out more at

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