The Menstuff® library lists pertinent books concerning communication. See also books conflict resolution, relationship.
Alberti, Robert & Michael Emmons,
Your Perfect Right: Assertiveness and equality in your
life and relationships. Donna lacks the nerve to hang up on
obnoxious telemarketers. Mitch has trouble expressing warm, caring
feelings. Shy Pam languishes at the bottom of the "pecking order"
at work while pushy Dale bullies others to get his way. Is
learning to manipulate others and answer to personal
powerlessness? There's a better way, according to the authors who
are distinguished experts in the field of assertiveness training.
They advocate respectful self-expression as a tool for promoting
equality in human relationships. This newly released edition
reinforces its status as the "bible" of assertiveness training.
Assertiveness is, first and foremost, a matter of personal choice.
If you know how to act assertively, you are free to choose whether
or not you will. This book offers a proven step-by-step method for
achieving successful self-determination in everyday life. Impact
Publishers, www.impactpublishers.com
2001 ISBN 1-886230-28-5 Buy
this book!
Bader, Jenny Lyn & Bill Brazell,
He Meant She Meant: The definitive male/female
dictionary. The reason we call them the opposite
sex? They use the same words we do - with totally
different meanings. Now, from the society that has you endlessly
pressing pound and star, comes a book with scores of side-by-side
definitions of all-important expressions from "yes", "no" and
"maybe" to "I'm busy!" This book will help men know what she
really means when she uses words like "sex" and "relationship".
Guys, think of it like this - the only thing at stake here is your
whole life and personal freedom! It will help women
distinguish between male touchiness and vulnerability - and
understand male rejection and confusion before you've lived with
him for twenty years - and know when to run screaming and when
it's time to pounce. Warner Books warnerbooks.com
1997 ISBN 0-446-60502-6 Buy
This Book!
Boortz, Neal, Somebody's Gotta Say It.
Think you've got it all figured out? Think again. The author,
a Talkmaster, the High Priest of the Church of the Painful Truth,
has been edifying, infuriating and entertaining talk radio
audiences for more than three decades with his blend of straight
talk and twisted humor. Now, he reutrns to gore every sacred cow
in the pasture, from the subversive agendas behind children's
books to the scam artists behind "High Art." This arch
convervative is full of irresistible wisecracks and irrefutable
libertarian wisdom in this book which is one man's response to
America at a time when the government overreaches, the peoploe
underperform, and the truth hurts. www.HarperCollings.com,
2007, ISBN 0-06-087820-7 
Davis, Laura, I Thought We'd Never
Speak Again: The road from estrangement to
reconciliation. In her classic books The Courage to Heal
and Allies in Healing, the author helped millions cope
with the trauma of child sexual abuse. Now, she tackles another
critical, emerging issue: reconciling relationships sundered
by betrayal, anger and misunderstanding. With her trademark
clarity and compassion, she maps the reconciliation process
through gripping first-person stories of people who have
reconciled under a wide variety of difficult circumstances. In
these pages, parents reconcile with children, embittered siblings
reconnect, estranged friends reunite, and war veterans and crime
victims meet with their enemies. Making a crucial distinction
between reconciliation and forgiveness, she explains how people
can make peace in relationships without necessarily forgiving past
hurts. Step-by-step, she clarifies the qualities needed for
reconciliation - including maturity, discernment, determination,
courage, communication and compassion. To help readers gauge their
own readiness, she includes a self-assessment as well as a special
section called "Ideas for Relection and Discussion." HarperCollins
Publishers, www.harpercollins.com
2002. ISBN 0-06-019762-5 Buy
This Book!
Ellis, Albert & Ted Crawford,
Making Intimate Connections: 7 guidelines for great
relationships and better communication. Frank and Frances
constantly "shoulded" on themselves and each other. Frank thought
Frances should do things his way. Frances thought Frank
should behave better towards her. Both believed reality
should conform to their desires. Their irrational wants
became unrealistic, absolutistic demands. As in so many marriages
where communication breaks down, the couple found themselves
creating and escalating a vicious cycle of put-downs, anger and
pity. There are one-up, one-down and peer partnerships. The goal
in creating better intimate relationships is to move toward a
'peer' or 'equal' partnership. The author has long focused his
owrk on the self-talk people use to disturb themselves. And
therefore you can also deconstruct and reduce them. This is an
irrational belief system based on unrealistic, illogical,
self-defeating demands, commands, shoulds, oughts, and musts such
as: I must always do well. Others must always treat me
kindly and fairly. Conditions must always provide me what I want,
the way I want it. Once you contruct dire necessities out of your
strong preferences, you are in trouble. Using the guidelines,
couples can learn to: Avoid blaming. Express appreciation
frequently. Avoid steady criticism. Give your partner the right to
be wrong. Reconsider your wants as goals that you may achieve
after. Packed with dozens of real-life couple vignettes, an
easy-to-follow review format and a "key" for understanding and
applying each Guideline, this book offers an objective perspective
that lets couples test practical suggestion and adjust them to
their own needs. Impact Publishers, www.impactpublishers.com
2000 ISBN 1-886230-33-1 Buy
this book!
Farrell, Warren, Women Can't Hear What Men
Don't Say: Destroying myths, creating love. This book
shows how to break through the invisible barriers that keep men
from expressing their deepest feelings and keep intimacy from its
fullest development. The author demonstrates how gender-based
anger at home and at work, omnipresent media images, and the
overall culture combine with men's own fear of expressing feelings
to misrepresent the inner and outer reality of men's lives. The
result is stereotyping, misinformation, widespread alienation of
the sexes from each other in both long-term relationships and
first-time encounters, unnecessary divorces, and both sexes' being
deprived of the intimacy they crave. Looking at the world from
both men's and women's perspectives, the author provides a
remarkable and easy-to-follow communication program that shows
couples how to move beyond the current tripwire assumptions that
lead to so much gender-based conflict and allows them to
understand and love each other more fully than ever. He has
discovered not what works in theory, but what works in life. His
methods are the culmination of years of real-life experiences with
thousands of men and women in workshops, groups, and seminars. And
you'll find that these methods that create love at home can also
create success and respect in the workplace. warren@warrenfarrell.com
or www.warrenfarrell.com.
Tarcher/Putnam, 1999 www.penguinputnam.com
ISBN 0-87477-988-X Buy
this book!
Fine, Debra, Small Talk: How to start a
conversation, keep it going, build networking skills - and leave a
positive impression! Help is on the way. This book is
more than just chit chat; it's a valuable tool to help you climb
the corporate ladder, command respect from others, widen your
business and social circles, and boost your self-confidence. With
practical advice and simple conversation "cheat sheets", it offers
easy-to-learn techniques that will allow you to feel comfortable
in any type of social situation - from lunch with the CEO to
a cocktail party where you don't know a soul. Once you master the
techniques, you'll excell at making others feel included, valued
and comfortable. Let the author turn you into a small-talk expert
- and watch the contacts, business deals and social relationships
multiply before your eyes. Hyperion, www.hyperionbooks.com,
2005 ISBN 1-4013-0226-2 
Glasser, William & Carleen Glasser,
The Language of Choice Theory. In this companion volume to
Choice Theory, the authors have imagined typical
conversations in real-life situations - between parent and child,
two partners in relationship, teacher and student, and boss and
employee. On the left-hand page is a typical controlling order or
threat, and on the right a more reasonable version, using choice
theory, which is more likely to get a favorable response from the
child, lover, student, or employee. Through these examples, the
principles of choice theory come alive. Harper Perennial,
www.harpercollins.com
1999 Language ISBN 0-06-095323-3 Buy
this book! Choice ISBN 0-06-093014-4 Buy
this book!
Godek, Gregory J.P., 10,000 Ways to Say I
Love You. And say "I Love You" again, and again, and
again. This little book of love is the biggest collectoin of
loving ideas ever gathered in one place. Express your true
affection with secret love notes, perpetual bouquets, secluded
picnics, outrageous gifts...and 9,996 more ways to say
"I love you." Casablancea Press, 1991.
ISBN 1-57071-434-7 Buy
This Book!
Gratch, Alon, If Men Could
Talk: Translating the secret language of men. Written
primarily as a codebraker for women, this is a serious book with a
clever title. If a male friend criticizes the way you look, could
it be that he feels insecure about his own physical
attractiveness? If your husband tells you he has an
appointment, offers no further details, and seems eager to change
the subject, is that reason enough to suspect he's having an
affair? If your brother casually mentions that he had a
performance evaluation at work, could he be trying to tell you
that he fears losing his job? If you overhear your son
saying, "Don't tell anyone I cried," should you be concerned about
his reluctance to express his emotions openly? It's not that men
don't talk. It's just that they speak one language and women speak
another. Drawing on the stories of his male patients and on his
own experiences as a man - as a son, husband, father, therapist,
and friend, the author brilliantly illustrates the reasons why men
think and act the way they do. He breaks down male psychology into
seven factors - Shame (boys don't cry), Emotional Absence (I don't
know what I feel), Masculine Insecurity (I'm tired of being on
top), Self-Involvement (see me, hear me, touch me, feel me),
Agression (I'll show you who's boss), Self-Destructiveness (I'm
such a loser), Sexual Acting-Out (I want sex now) - and
provides practical tools anyone can use to listen, to interpret,
and to understand the inner world of men. www.ifmencouldtalk.com
Little, Brown & Co., www.littlebrown.com
2001, ISBN 0-316-17868-3 Buy
This Book!
Jenkins, Sally, Men will be Boys, The modern woman explains
football & other amusing male rituals, Doubleday,
1996
Kipnis, Aaron & Elizabeth Heron, Gender War, Gender
Peace: The quest for love & justice between women
& men. This book tells the story of a group journey
into the wilderness led by a woman and a man on a quest to build
bridges over the gender gap. The man, a leading voice from the
men's movement and the woman, a trailblazer for a new feminism,
guide women and men toward mutual respect, understanding, and
compassion in this account of a ground-breaking summit meeting of
the sexes. Through a series of adventures and encounters, the
participants learn how to communicate the potent depths of anger,
fear, grief, love and appreciation between women and men. They
also discover a way to create a map for future peace between the
sexes, a future in which women and men can recognize and respect
both their genuine differences and shared challenges. Weaving
together dialogues from late night discussions around the campfire
with judicious, well-researched references to scholarly texts, the
authors present a detailed and surprisingly optimistic portrait of
the potential for communication and personal growth between women
and men, growth that celebrates diversity rather than condemning
it. Provocative, powerful, and of great importance, this book
begins a new era of understanding and partnership between the
sexes. William Morrow, 1994 ISBN 0-688-11924-7 Buy
This Book!
Liebmann-Smith, Joan and Jacqueline Nardi
Egan Body Signs: From warning signs to false alarms...how
to be your own diagnostic detective. We all notice things
about our bodies that don't seem quite right. But when are these
simply harmless physical quirks and when are they signs that a
visit to the doctor is in order? This comprehensive and
fascinating guide covers every body part from head to toe to help
you decode the often mysterious messages your body sends you. From
brittle hair to hair in all the wrong places, a tingling tush,
mismatched eyes, streaked nails and excessive flatulence - to name
just a few - the body supplies endless signs regarding its state
of health and wellness. Most of the time these require nothing
more than a trip to the drugstore or cosmetic counter, or no
treatment at all. At other times you may need to take a trip to
the doctor, or even the emergency room. So here's the lowdown on
what's happening "down there," the scoop on poop, straight talk
about your joints, and a host of essential, often entertaining
information on everything you ever wanted to know about your body
- but might have been hesitant to ask. Bantam Books, www.bantamdell.com
2008 ISBN 0-553-80507-9 
Luntz, Frank, Words That Work: It's not
what you say, it's what people hear. Why are some people so
much better than others at talking their way into a job or out of
trouble? What makes some advertising jingles cut through the
clutter of our crowded memories? What's behind winning
campaign slogans and career-ending political blunders? Why do
some speeches resonate and endure while others are forgotten
moments after they are given? The answers lie in the way
words are used to influence and motivate, the way they connect
thought and emotion. In this book, the author not only raises the
curtain on the craft of effective language, but also offers
priceless insight on how to find and use the right words to get
what you want out of life. Whether your goal is to boost company
sales, win political office, inspire your employees, or get that
raise you deserve, the author has something instructive to say
about how language can help. From the man who helped craft the
"Contract with America," and turned the mild-mannered term "estate
tax" into the more politically charged "death tax", who reframed
"drilling for oil" into "exploring for energy" - words can and do
mean the difference between success and failure. We all submit to
the poewr of language, whether we know it or not. And the right
words can give you the edge in any venture. www.luntz.com,
Hyperion, 2007, www.HyperionBooks.com,
ISBN 1-4013-0259-9 
Martin, Steven & Catherine, Talk
to Me: How to create positive, loving
communication, Positive Publishing, 1997 positive-way@mail.com
Misner, Wayne L., Men Don't Listen.
Climb inside of his head. Decode the secrets he holds within. Use
these proven methods to finally get him to show his deep emotions.
Perhaps then you can have the relationship you've always dreamed
of. Finally, help for the male and female interested in improving
or saving their relationship. If you're filing for divorce,
separated, looking for a mate, alone and trying to understand what
went wrong, all is carefully covered. This trustworth advice will
end your tension and anxiety by improving your mental and physical
well-being. The author is very good with word pictures and uses
them frequently throughout the book. Another technique is using
little vignettes based on true stories to illustrate a point and
extensive lists to get the readers ideas flowing. Within each
chapter are jokes and popular quotations from a wide variety of
sources to add a little punch. Some are humorous and others
profound. Writer's Showcase, www.iuniverse.com,
2001. www.MenDontListen.com
or E-Mail ISBN
0-595-08955-0 Buy
This Book!
Neder, Dennis, Being a Man in a Woman's
World: Start having the relationships you deserve. Finally,
men's relationships written by a man! Based on the
successful seminar by the same name. It's time we men stood up and
took our place in society. Use tested, effective business
techniques, marketing, planning and goal setting to design you
relationships - don't just have them thrust upon you! Discover how
to spot, handle and beat "The test." How to find and meet the
women you've only dreamed about - and get phone numbers every
time! How to handle the 20 most common problems men have in their
relationships. How to design and build your relationships - don't
just leave them up to chance! and How to keep control of the
relationship - and keep her wanting more! Remington Publications,
www.remingtonpublications.com,
2000 ISBN 0-9701713-0-7 Buy
This Book!
Powell, John, Why Am I Afraid to Tell
You Who I Am? This book provides some valuable
insights into self-awaeness and interpersonal communication to
hellp us develop self-esteem and improve our relationships with
others. We all fear rejection. We are afriad that people will not
like us if they knew what we are really like, so we often assume
poses to avoid being honest with them and with ourselves. The
author identifies five levels of communication and suggests that
the kinds of information we disclose determine the level or depth
of our relationships. Only when we face our fears openly and
honestly can we learn to like ourselves and trust that others will
accept us as we really are. Argus, 1969 ISBN 0-913592-02-1
Reprinted by Thomas More Association, 1995 ISBN 0883473232
Reynolds, Greg, Why She Cheated, and It's
Your Fault. Your wife is going to cheat, unless you do
something to stop it. Women have changed and they want
A LOT more out of their marriages than our mothers
wanted. Men sit around banging their heads trying to figure out
what it will take to make their wives happy, and the answers are
right in front of them. Right now is your chance to learn what it
will take to keep her happy and faithful. This book was written
for men, and it has the answers, finally, that we have been
waiting for. Stop being naive. At least 50% of women admit to
cheating on their husbands. Are you really secure enough to think
you are going to dodge that bullet? PublishAmerica, www.PublishAmerica.com,
2008, ISBN 1-60672-979-9 
Rosenberg, Marshall B., Nonviolent
Communication: A language of compassion when
communication really matters. Using stories, examples and
sample dialogues, the author provides everyday solutions to
perplexing communication problems. He has brought these simple,
yet revolutionary, communication skills to tens of thousands of
people on five continents. Nonviolent Communication helps:
Individuals break patterns of thinking that lead to anger,
depression and violence. Families and couples improve the quality
of their relationships. School systems create healthy respect for
diversity and differences. Co-workers communicate in a way that
increases goodwill and cooperation. Health-care professionals
develop systems that support compassion. Social service agencies
find ways to meet needs constructively. Police, military and
prison personal prevent and peacefully resolve conflicts. Puddle
Dancer Press, www.nonviolentcommunication.com
2000 ISBN 1-892005-02-6 Buy
This Book!
Schaefer, Charles, How to Talk to Your Kids about Really
Important Things: Specific questions & answers
& useful things to say. (Children 4-12) A child's
difficult questions about everyday life can often take parents by
surprise. This book helps parents find the words they need to talk
to their kids and answer their guestions. Drawing on clinical
practice, scholarly research, and parental experience, the
author's give down-to-earth advice that parnts will treasure. They
offer practical guidance on a wide range of life's experiences,
from family changes like moving to a new home, divorce and
remarriage to controversial subjects such as child abuse and AIDS.
Jossey-Bass, 1994 ISBN 1-55542-611-5 Buy
This Book!
Shoveen, Nick, The Female-to-English
Dictoinary. Now, for the first time, men of the world can have
a chance to exist in a relationship without being at a
disadvantage. The author's new treatise teaches men how to deal
with many of the things that women say. Men can now learn how to
interpret those words, know meanings behind them, and manipulate
each situation to bring about a much more desireable result. Also
included exclusively, only in this book, are the correct answers
to several of the most difficult questions that females ask their
men. This is the perfect book for any male who is old enough to
date, and is a must-read for any guy about to enter into his first
relationship. www.whatwomenreallymean.com
Magic Lamp Press, 2005, ISBN 1-882629-11-6 
Steele, Don, Body Language
Secrets: A guide during courtship and dating.
This book will help you find, meet, talk with, and date the right
kind of person. The author tells you honestly and bluntly how you
can make the right impression and have a big impact at every
social gathering. 50 photos, plus his sound methods and practical
advice let you know what to look for as well as what to watch out
for! Learn how you can tell from across the room if she's
interested by her gestures and the way she changes her posture.
During conversation, find out if she's leading you on or if she's
sincerely interested in you. Steele Balls Press, 1997 steelballs.com
Steele, Don, Office Politics: The woman's guide to
beat the system and gain financial success, Steele Balls
Press, steelballs.com
1994
Steinsaltz, Adin, Simple
Words: Thinking about what really matters in life. The
real quest is to understand the words that we use constantly, for
these are the foundation of our existence. What are
they? What are they made of? These words, as powerful as
they are, are also very foggy. They have a meaning for each of us,
but what precisely is that meaning? Clarifying our
understanding of simple words will not just change our way of
speaking - it will also change our way of thinking and change our
basic feelings. When we know certain things about those words, we
become different people; we are recreated. Simon
& Schuster, 1999 ISBN 0-684-84642-X Buy
this book!
Tannen, Deborah, The Argument Culture: Moving from debate to
dialogue, Deborah Tannen. Is about a pervasive warlike
atmosphere that makes us approach anything we need to accomplish
as a fight between two opposing sides. The argument culture urges
us to regard the world - and the people in it - in an adversarial
frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the
best way to get anything done: The best way to explore an idea is
to set up a debate; the best way to cover the news is to find
spokespeople who express the most extreme, polarized views and
present them as "both sides"; the best way to settle disputes is
litigation that pits one party against the other; the best way to
begin an essay is to oppose someone; and the best way to show
you're really thinking is to criticize and attack. The war on
drugs, the war on cancer, the battle of the sexes, politicians'
turf battles-in the argument culture, war metaphors pervade our
talk and shape our thinking. This book shows how deeply entrenched
this cultural tendency is, the forms it takes, and how it affects
us every day - sometimes in useful ways, but often causing, rather
than avoiding, damage. In the argument culture, the quality of
information we receive is compromised, and our spirits are
corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention. The
author explores the roots of the argument culture, the role played
by gender, and how other cultures suggest alternative ways to
negotiate disagreement and mediate conflicts - and make things
better, in public and in private, wherever people are trying to
resolve differences and get things done. A remarkable book that
will change forever the way you perceive the world. You will
listen to our public voices in a whole new way. Random House
www.randomhouse.com 1998
Hardback Buy
This Book!
Tannen, Deborah, The Argument Culture:
Moving from debate to dialogue. Is about a pervasive warlike
atmosphere that makes us approach anything we need to accomplish
as a fight between two opposing sides. The argument culture urges
us to regard the world - and the people in it - in an adversarial
frame of mind. It rests on the assumption that opposition is the
best way to get anything done: The best way to explore an idea is
to set up a debate; the best way to cover the news is to find
spokespeople who express the most extreme, polarized views and
present them as "both sides"; the best way to settle disputes is
litigation that pits one party against the other; the best way to
begin an essay is to oppose someone; and the best way to show
you're really thinking is to criticize and attack. The war on
drugs, the war on cancer, the battle of the sexes, politicians'
turf battles-in the argument culture, war metaphors pervade our
talk and shape our thinking. This book shows how deeply entrenched
this cultural tendency is, the forms it takes, and how it affects
us every day - sometimes in useful ways, but often causing, rather
than avoiding, damage. In the argument culture, the quality of
information we receive is compromised, and our spirits are
corroded by living in an atmosphere of unrelenting contention. The
author explores the roots of the argument culture, the role played
by gender, and how other cultures suggest alternative ways to
negotiate disagreement and mediate conflicts - and make things
better, in public and in private, wherever people are trying to
resolve differences and get things done. A remarkable book that
will change forever the way you perceive the world. You will
listen to our public voices in a whole new way. Random House
Paperback www.randomhouse.com
1999 Buy
This Book!
Ticic, Robin, How to Connect with Your
Child: Use your head...and speak from the heart!
Tired of arguing with your kids? Ready to try something that
really works? Here's how to resolve conflicts, feel good
about yourself, and raise well-adjusted kids! Find, in this book,
insight into common pitfalls in communication. Effective tools and
methods for dealing with conflicts. Changes you can make
immediately. Real-life examples. Praactical exercises, and the
confidence to handle future challenges. www.
communication-crystal-clear.com, Trafford Publishing,
www.trafford.com, 2005,
ISBN 141207091-0 
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