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“Here’s your water bottle,
James!”
The eight-year-old snatched the bottle hard out of
his mother’s hand, and said, “give me
that!” A chorus of nervous laughter followed
from the parents nearby, including the boy’s
mother. James sauntered off, without acknowledging
his mother’s offering, or the presence of the
other parents in the group.
We were attending a youth basketball game, and
the hallway outside the gym was filled with parents
and revved up kids. This kind of interaction
between children and their parents is not unusual
today. We all see examples of kids acting more
aggressively around their parents. And
unfortunately, we all see examples of their parents
doing little to change it.
In a society with kids who are “plugged
in” to TV, computers, and video games for
record numbers of hours each day, it’s easy to
blame our kids’ behavior on the media garbage
that enters their lives. And as stressed out as
parents are today, it’s also easy to turn the
other way when our kids act in rude and
disrespectful ways.
But if you do turn the other way from a
“teaching moment” like the one
James’ mother had, you’ll have created a
whole lot more trouble for yourself down the
road.
We are our child’s main teacher in life. We
are surrounded by sarcasm, rudeness, and aggressive
behavior. And we have the choice about whether our
children become part of this kind of culture, or
they adhere to a kinder, gentler, more respectful
one. All we need to do is to commit to what we
believe in as mentors for our children, and to
follow through with “right action.”
In the case of James’ mother, she could
track down James, and as soon as they were alone,
she could tell him that it’s appropriate to
say “thank you” when she gives him
something. She could tell him it’s also
appropriate to greet other adults that are in her
group, and to make eye contact with them.
This can all be done in a calm and kind manner.
It can be done many times each day, depending on
the behavior of your child. And while it may be
difficult and aggravating at times to follow up
consistently, the results will never fail to show
up in your child.
We must remember that the development of a child
is always connected to the development of a parent.
When we show discipline and patience with our
children, they’ll show it to us. When we let
go of our responsibilities, our laziness shows
itself in our children just as clearly.
Parents live in challenging times, but world
peace still begins at home.
Your teaching moments are waiting, along with
your children.
© 2008 Mark
Brandenburg
Other Father Issues,
Books,
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* * *
To this day I can remember my father's
voice, singing over me in the stillness of the
night. - Carl G. Jung
Mark has
a Masters degree in counseling psychology and has
been a counselor, business consultant, sports
counselor, and a certified life and business coach.
He has worked with individuals, teams, and
businesses to improve their performance for over 20
years. Prior to life and business coaching Mark was
a world-ranked professional tennis player and has
coached other world-ranked athletes. He has helped
hundreds of individuals to implement his coaching
techniques. Mark specializes in coaching men to
balance their lives and to improve the important
relationships in their lives. He is the author of
the popular e-books, 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent
Fathers
 ,
and Fix
Your Wife in 30 Days or Less (And Improve Yourself
at the Same Time
).
Mark is also the publisher of the “Dads
Don’t Fix your Kids” ezine for fathers.
To sign up, go to www.markbrandenburg.com
or E-Mail
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