A most important word
There have been countless debates about how to help
your kids become happy, healthy, successful people
in their own lives. And one effective method of
preparing them for their own lives is to give them
a heavy dose of the word that not enough kids are
getting today. The word?
All of you deal with a certain amount of
frustration in your everyday adult lives.
Youre frustrated at your jobs, in your
relationships, and by circumstances that you have
no control over. Over time you learn to handle
frustration better and to turn it into challenges
and opportunities that you can work through.
People who can handle frustration successfully
tend to have happier and more successful lives.
They learn to be resilient and to appreciate what
theyve accomplished and what theyve
How about your kids?
Are your kids being frustrated enough? Are there
high enough expectations being placed on them? Are
you saying no enough and are you allowing them to
have opportunities to be frustrated and to work
If youre not allowing your kids to be
exposed to responsibility and frustration, and if
youre not liberally giving out the N word to
them, you may be creating monsters within the
confines of your home.
Many parents have gone through hard times in
their lives and naturally want to spare their
children the same fate that they experienced. They
have a very difficult time seeing their children
struggling and allowing them to deal with it. The
result of this choice is that many children today
get almost everything they want in terms of
clothes, electronic gadgets, toys etc. The amount
of stuff they receive and the new products that
they want keep growing every year.
Its clear that many parents are preparing
their kids for a life thats out of touch with
the real world. The same kids who have so many
material possessions often dont appreciate or
take care of what they do have. Why should they?
There will probably be more goodies coming
Fathers who say no to their kids on a fairly
regular basis take a big step towards ensuring that
their kids are happy, responsible, and
Here are some specific actions that dads can
- If youre married, consult with your
wife about what your dose of the N
word will be. Creating a unified front will
strengthen your position and cause fewer
- Never do things for your children that they
can do for themselves. Allow them to be
frustrated and to learn to be more resilient.
- Consider an allowance for your kids, even if
theyre quite young, so that they can
develop a sense of responsibility with money and
a sense of taking care of their things.
- Take stock of your childrens
possessions. Do they have way too many things?
Are their some things that might be better
suited for Goodwill?
- Foster an environment of appreciation for
the things you have. Model this appreciation in
how you care for the things you own and how you
- Limit the number and price of the gifts your
kids receive at holidays and parties. Donate or
give away the gifts that they arent very
interested in. If necessary, talk to your
relatives and friends about what youre
trying to do.
Its difficult at times to see your
kids struggle with the many challenges of
being young and inexperienced. Frustration is a
childs constant companion as they learn the
many skills and demands of living their lives.
But Fathers who are interested in having their
kids avoid pain are doing their kids a disservice.
Theyre more interested in being a savior than
serving their kids. The message comes in loud and
clear for them: Your dad doesnt think
you can handle this.
Remember that some day your kids will figure
these things out for themselves.
And when they do, theyll thank you for
allowing them to struggle.
© 2007 Mark
Other Father Issues,
* * *
To this day I can remember my father's
voice, singing over me in the stillness of the
night. - Carl G. Jung
a Masters degree in counseling psychology and has
been a counselor, business consultant, sports
counselor, and a certified life and business coach.
He has worked with individuals, teams, and
businesses to improve their performance for over 20
years. Prior to life and business coaching Mark was
a world-ranked professional tennis player and has
coached other world-ranked athletes. He has helped
hundreds of individuals to implement his coaching
techniques. Mark specializes in coaching men to
balance their lives and to improve the important
relationships in their lives. He is the author of
the popular e-books, 25
Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent
Your Wife in 30 Days or Less (And Improve Yourself
at the Same Time
Mark is also the publisher of the Dads
Dont Fix your Kids ezine for fathers.
To sign up, go to www.markbrandenburg.com
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