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May Fundamental to all life on the planet . . . is the fact that we’re all different from each other. And yet what do most people do when they encounter those differences? They either change themselves “to fit in” or they try to change the other person. Here’s why . . . When you want to change somebody, the truth is you are scared -- under threat. You only want things to be the way you want them to be. You want control rather than connection. This is not to say that if someone is bothering you you shouldn't ask for change. Of course you need to speak up and insist on better treatment. Of course. But if you keep trying to change someone, you really only want to be in a relationship on your own terms rather than opening to a truly fabulous relationship . . . and that means being changed by the differences between you. And when it's only on your terms, then when it comes to your love relationship, what you really want is a fantasy love rather than the real thing. Because real love takes two -- and those two will inevitably be different. Now we know it’s not all rosebuds and apple sauce when differences clash. Yet, once the super clash calms down, if you’re open to learning from your differences, then when you know each other’s reasons for thinking or behaving in a certain way, you will either become newly respectful of the other’s need to continue as they are, or you can begin to discuss changes . . . life enhancing changes . . . that you both can make which would improve your situation. Either way, the resolution, the increased connection and intimacy, can only come from an open heart that moves you forward rather than clinging to your old self-centered, frightened ways. That’s a soul-filled grace only available when you greet the challenge of your differences as an invitation to grow and expand . . . And then you step into your new, larger, more fabulous life! © 2008, Judith & Jim I have always made a distinction between my friends and my confidants. I enjoy the conversation of the former; from the latter I hide nothing. - Edith Piaf Judith Sherven and
Jim Sniechowski are husband and wife and the best-selling
authors of four books: "The
New Intimacy",
"Opening
to Love 365 Days a Year" and
Be
Loved for Who You Really Are: How the differences
between men and women can be turned into the source of the
very best romance you'll ever
know. Their fourth is
The
Smart Couple's Guide to the Wedding of Your
Dreams, an important book for
anyone who cares that weddings support the couple and the
marriage they are creating. Claim your free relationship
tips at www.makingtheordinaryextraordinary.com
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