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Sticks and Stones Will Break My Bones
When I was a young boy, degrading, humiliating
names like “faggot” and “queer”
were hurled at me repeatedly. Today, younger kids
and teenagers use the word "gay" to degrade and
humiliate others. "That is so gay!" you can hear in
school corridors and in the malls. It’s
reminiscent of slang expressions like, "I Jewed him
down," or "I was gypped.” These verbs have
become so overused that people use them without
even knowing where they originated or how it
offends people.
Today, however, we see the word "queer," once a
pejorative, often being used in a positive way.
Dozens of books and articles are getting published
with Queer in their titles, and the term has come
into common, affirmative usage by lesbians and gays
as well. Originally, the adjective
“homosexual” was mostly derogatory or
pathological, as in calling someone a "known
homosexual." Today’s "homosexuals" don’t
want to own that title, because its negative
connotations remind us of the bad old days. The
“sexual” part of the word reflected the
homophobic belief that homosexuality is primarily
or “only” about sex, which it isn't.
The labels “gay” and
“lesbian” were therefore adopted, to the
extent that today’s reparative therapies often
refuse to use the word "gay" because of its
affirmative connotation!
Then bisexuals were included. These
days—again, removing “sex” from the
word—the politically correct term would be
“bi-attractional.”
Gay culture then adopted the acronym GLB to
welcome in bi-attractionals. Next to come on board
was “transgendered,” an umbrella term for
drag queens, drag kings, transvestites and pre-and
post-op sex reassignment individuals; and so the
acronym changed to GLBT. When those questioning
their orientation came into the fold, the acronym
expanded again to GLBTQ.
As a result of the addition of letters maybe it
all just seemed to much and the best letter for us
is just "Q" for Queer. We see it in the media
"Queer as Folk" on Showtime and now the
hysterically funny and well done "Queer Eye on the
Straight Guy.”
I have to admit I still cringe when I hear the
word queer. It takes me back to the playground
where I was made fun of and put down. However, I am
getting used to it as it is used more and more.
When in relationship with someone "queer" my
judgment is the best thing to do is to ask them how
do they self identify and what would they like to
be called. I prefer to be called gay. That is how I
self-identify. How do you self-identify?
©2010 by Joe Kort
Related: Issues,
Books
Psychotherapist
Joe Kort, MA, MSW, has been in practice since 1985.
He specializes in Gay Affirmative Psychotherapy as
well as IMAGO Relationship Therapy, which is a
specific program involving communication exercises
designed for couples to enhance their relationship
and for singles to learn relationship skills. He
also specializes in sexual addiction, childhood
sexual, physical and emotional abuse, depression
and anxiety. He offers workshops for couples and
singles. He runs a gay men's group therapy and a
men's sexuality group therapy for straight, bi and
gay men who are struggling with specific sexual
issues. His therapy services are for gays and
lesbians as well as heterosexuals. His articles and
columns have appeared in The Detroit Free
Press, Between the Lines Newspaper for
Gays and Lesbians, The Detroit News, The
Oakland Press, The Royal Oak Mirror, and
other publications. Besides providing therapy for
individuals and couples, he conducts a number of
groups and workshops for gay men. Now an adjunct
professor teaching Gay and Lesbian Studies at Wayne
State University's School of Social Work, he is
doing more writing and workshops on a national
level. He is the author of 10
Smart Things Gay Men can do to Improve Their
Lives.
www.joekort.com
or joekort@joekort.com
*
Gaydar
(gay'.dahr, n.): (1) The
ability that lets gays and lesbians identify one
other. (2) This column--where non-gay readers can
improve their gaydar, learning more about gay men's
psychology and social lives. Also, (3) a regular
feature where gay readers can discover the many
questions and hassles their straight
counterparts--and themselves--must face!
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