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I Just Don’t Know How to Start! Hi, I’m a 33-year-old, separated woman and haven’t dated anyone in over 5 years. I’m unsure, nervous and scared of the future but want to get on with life. I have had nasty experiences before in regards to men n relationships and I don’t know how to take steps towards a steady, sane, normal relationship. I know my question is as confused as I am! Please help, I feel I’m sinking. Hello! No, I understand what you're asking. You want to know how to create a strong, passionate, worthwhile relationship while mitigating the risks of being hurt to all but nothing. The answer is just as simple: you can't. Consider this: any relationship you get into where you don't invest yourself completely isn't one that's worth having in the first place. The reason for this is simple: you want depth and intensity, you want joy, you want love. These things only come when you can throw (most) caution to the wind and just "be" within the relationship itself without fear; or at the very least, to know that you'll be able to deal with any hurt you do encounter. It's that last sentence that's your key to getting what you want. Let's say that you had spent the last 5 years working on your own personal, inner strength. You had used that time to build yourself up and to come to a place where you realized that you could handle anything you encountered. Would that change your options today? You bet it would! Of course, you and I know that you haven't done this. How do we know? Simple: you wouldn't be writing this question to me now. You'd be out taking the risks you need to take in order to have what you want! So, my question to you is this: what are you waiting for? Oh, right. You're scared. Well honey, welcome to the club! EVERYONE is scared of getting hurt. Well, actually ALMOST everyone. There are those of us that have been through all the hurt and strengthened our characters to the point that we realize that no matter how badly we hurt, we'll survive it. There are those of us that actually seek out the chance to be hurt because we know that's the only way we'll find the degree of excitement and passion in our lives that we want - and richly deserve. This is your answer: start right this very minute to seek out those emotional roller coasters. Go find your chances to get hurt and begin to discover what many people before you have found - that you can actually get through these things and by doing so, have something so incredible that they write songs, books and plays about it. You deserve these things as much as anyone, but it's YOU that has to walk out your door and go find it; fearlessly, confidently and with the focus of getting what you want. Best regards… © 2010, Dr. Dennis W. Neder Other Relationship Issues, Books Relationship is a pervading and changing mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run to. - Euroda Welty
Dr. Dennis W.
Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World
I and Being
a Man in a Woman's World
II. Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can
write to him by going to: beingaman.com/ask_question.asp
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