a Man


She Texted Me?

Dr. Neder:

A girl in my class recently asked me out via text message. I responded back that doing that was kind of disrespectful. She responded "whatever." That is as far as it went. I'm on break now for a few weeks. Did I handle that correctly?



Here's the reality: it WAS disrespectful for her to ask you out this way and that was very likely based on her insecurity. Thus, when you called her on it, you actually brought up her very fear - of being rejected. She equates your view of her asking you out as disrespectful. Do you see the difference?

Realize that women are terrified of asking guys out. So are guys too, but frankly, it's our job. Thus, she went after the only seemingly "safe" way she could - via text.

If you are interested in this girl, things aren't lost yet, but you're going to have to act fast. Here's what you do:

The very next time you see her (find her if you don't see her right away) walk up to her and say, "Hey! You know what? I shouldn't have called you on that texting thing. What was important was that you made an effort and frankly, I appreciate that. It had to be tough for you to make that move in the first place. Let me make it up to you by taking you out this next weekend."

Now, keep in mind that you have about a 70% chance of success - and a 30% chance of failure here. If her ego is so bruised that she can't get past it, she'll turn you down. At least you can walk away with your head up having taken the high-road.

Bottom line: yes, texting is a very rude way of asking someone out. I'd never let my guys do it, but when a girl takes a risk this big (to her) you should at least appreciate it for what it is. Then, tell her that you prefer to talk on the phone or in person because it's the way "real people" act.

Best regards...

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© 2010, Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Other Relationship Issues, Books

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Relationship is a pervading and changing mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run to. - Euroda Welty

Dr. Dennis W. Neder is the author of Being a Man in a Woman's World I and Being a Man in a Woman's World II. Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to him by going to: for answers. Check out the discussion group at: . Stay tuned for our new Internet TV Show - BAM TV - starting soon!

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