Many, Many Mixed Signals
I first met this guy through mutual friends
about 2 months ago. The second time we all hung out
during 4th of July in which case, he instantly
showed me interest and invited me to another party.
We flirted heavily and had a good time until 4 am.
When we parted he invited me to hang out with him
the next night however I declined because I didn't
want to make myself too available and I didn't
offer my number.
After a week I couldn't stop thinking about him
so I got his number from a mutual friend and asked
him out. He didn't answer so I left a message and
he text me back the next morning saying he's busy
with work functions but maybe we can hang out this
weekend, that he would call me. He never called
I then ran into him a couple weeks later, he was
very friendly and invited me to hang out with him
and our friends who were having a brunch cocktail
party on a Sat. Again, I didn't want to make myself
too available so I left it at a maybe. I showed up,
we flirted, made eye contact and after a couple
drinks we were dancing and all over each other. We
then parted from our social circle and he took me
out to dinner. During dinner I made a false comment
that I wasn't looking for a serious relationship
and I just wanted to be casual and free. Afterwards
he invited me to come back to his place, which case
I did and we were intimate. The next morning, it
wasn't too awkward however when we parted I was
really nervous I just said a good bye with a hug
and he just said I'll talk to you later.
He never called me afterwards. I text him 4 days
later that I had a great time and it would be nice
to see him again soon and asked him what his plans
were that weekend. He text me right back and said
he had fun too, but he had a friend visiting from
out of town and he would call me soon for sure. I
ran into him that weekend and he did indeed have a
visitor and he acted pretty normal but neither of
us said anything about getting together. He still
hasn't called me now.
This whole time he has not called me on his own,
although he responds right away when I contact him
but doesn't set a date. Maybe he's not that into me
or he's not emotionally available? He told me he
has been single for 2 years from a serious 3 1/2
year relationship with a bad breakup. There's been
some miscommunication between us, but for the most
part if a guy is interested he would make the
effort to call and set a date with a girl right?
Should I just drop it and let it go?
Hey! Great job on becoming the booty-call! If
that was your goal, you played it just right. Good
Oh, wait. What's that you're saying? You didn't
want to be the booty-call, you wanted more? Oh,
sorry. That's too bad. Game over.
Where in the hell did you learn all this
ridiculous misdirection from? Do you honestly think
that lying about your interests, saying "no" when
you mean "yes", not being available when he wants
to meet you is anything other than stupidity?
Well, obviously not. You seem to think this is
good "relationship building". You, my dear are
sadly, sadly mistaken.
You're actually blaming HIM for not being
"emotionally available" and "not that into you"???
Are you seriously telling me that you don't know
that YOU are the sole and exclusive cause of his
behavior toward you???? I'm sitting here just
shaking my head in disbelief.
He DID make the efforts and you ignored them for
your game instead.
You got EXACTLY what you asked for. I just wish
you had asked instead for what you really
© 2010, Dr. Dennis W.
Other Relationship Issues,
* * *
Relationship is a pervading and changing
mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for
people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run
to. - Euroda Welty
Dr. Dennis W.
Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World
I and Being
a Man in a Woman's World
II. Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can
write to him by going to: beingaman.com/ask_question.asp
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