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I'm Falling, but There's a Problem Dear Dr. Neder: I have been on a few amazing dates with possibly the best guy I have ever met. He is kind, considerate, so funny, and adorable. I have known him for about a month before he first asked me out. We have a lot in common, and I can see myself being his girlfriend long term. He has a nice full time job, and I think would make a fantastic boyfriend! Sounds good right? Wrong. There is a major problem, and I'm seriously hoping you can give me a little advice. I don't know how to put it any other way but to be blunt. I am a skinnier person (always have been) and I daily use bra fillers (also known as chicken cutlets). I have done this for about a year to be able to fit into tops and look like a halfway decent woman. Without them I am nearly entirely flat chested - barely enough to fill the smallest (and I mean smallest!) of bras. I started wearing them to feel decent about myself when I'm in public. Don't get the picture in your mind of cute little breasts- mine are seriously underdeveloped for some unexplainable reason. So, you can now clearly see the problem. Do I have absolutely no choice but to end the relationship now? I'm thinking that may be my only option. I don't want to end it, but I can't change my body overnight. If I had the available funding I would have my breasts done to fill a decent B cup. I have been on quite a few dates, but never have I met such a sweetheart. I really don't want to end the relationship now- I don't even know what kind of excuse I would half to use. *sigh* I would be an idiot to let someone like him go. I'm very overwhelmed, and to be truthful it makes me physical sick when I think about it. I wish I could keep him. I wish we could have a normal relationship, but he doesn't have even an idea about my "fake boobs". Do you have any advice? If nothing else, maybe a reasonable way to get out of this new relationship? I guess I could always use the old "I'm too busy right now" line because it is partially true. Please, I'm begging you for advice. No one else knows my predicament- not even my closest of friends. I wonder if I am doomed to a life of solitude. =/ I thank you for any advice/words of wisdom. I do hope I am not the only one suffering from such a problem that I myself have caused. Also, let me add- if you advise me to just go without the cutlets one day to see what he does- that really wouldn't work. The difference and feel is so completely obvious. It even disgusts me. =/ I am hoping this isn't an odd question for you- I wanted to ask your advice as you are a male who seems quite knowledgeable in the world of woman. =) If you do not want to answer my question please let me know. Thanks again for your help! :) I need it so much. Hello! What the hell???? Ok, you have a severe body image issue. I get that. So why in the hell are you imposing that on someone else that you're interested in? I talk to guys all the time and you'd be surprised at our range. You give this guy all sorts of credit for his sense of humor and sweetness, but don't give him any possible credit for his interest in you! Why are you imposing your own limitations and insecurities on him? That's not very fair. Look - EVERY WOMAN changes her real appearance! What do you think make-up is all about or padded bras or high heels? Come on! We guys aren't stupid. We know you don't look the same at 8 pm when we pick you up for a date and the next morning when we kiss you goodbye. Have you looked at a men's magazine recently? Sure, some of the girls have oversized boobs, but some of them are flat as hell! I have a friend that is a porn star that has no real breasts at all - all she has is nipples! She's VERY successful! If you don't believe me, write to me outside of the group and I'll email you a link to her website. Don't destroy what you're building just because YOU have a problem with your body. Almost every woman I've ever talked to has some issue with her body and if everyone of them did what you're trying to do, the human race would end for lack of babies! Knock it the hell off and let HIM make up his own mind. You're going to be surprised (well, more likely shocked) that he's great with YOU. Just because you aren't doesn't mean he isn't. Let him make up his own mind. Now, go get to work on your relationship and stop wasting even another second on the size of your breasts. It's a non-issue that you can even change later on if you have to. Your presence and involvement in the relationship itself is what's important - and you can't fake that. Best regards © 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder Other Relationship Issues, Books Relationship is a pervading and changing mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run to. - Euroda Welty
Dr. Dennis W.
Neder is the author of Being
a Man in a Woman's World
I and Being
a Man in a Woman's World
II. Have a love, dating,
relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can
write to him by going to: beingaman.com/ask_question.asp
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