a Man


Maybe He’ll be Mine If I Get Pregnant?

Hi Doc!

Here is my situation: I am dating a guy who I am in love with. We started seeing each other in November 2008 but in February he told me we should break it off because he's not ready for anything serious as he is going through a divorce. He said he needs time to find himself.

After that the discussion, things didn't change much. We still text each other and talked and hang out like before but there was no sex. I did not want to let it go, so I kept hanging out at his place and recently we have started sleeping together again.

He has made is very clear that he is not committed to me or the relationship. In my mind I feel like he is the man I want to marry and thoughts of getting pregnant intentionally have crossed my mind.

He always uses a condom during sex but last night he did not which surprised me. I found myself praying that I get pregnant.

I am 35 years old and in dire need of a family or a child. I know I should cut off this relationship but I also think that if I hang around long enough he will change his mind and if I accidentally get pregnant that may turn him around and commit to a relationship.

Am I being selfish and what advise do you have for me?

I'm so confused as am so in love with him and it hurts because I know he is not in the same place with me.


Wow! This situation is entirely toxic!

Would you really get pregnant; knowing damn well that he's not interested in anything but sex with you in order to try to land this guy? That's called "fraudulent paternity" and frankly is pretty despicable; not the least of which is for your own unborn child. Is that all you think your children deserve?

Seriously, snap out of this right now. Wake the hell up. This guy has told you that all you are to him is a sex partner (I debated on whether to make it bolder just to make the point, but decided against it - you know what I mean however!)

Yes, you are being totally and completely selfish here! You're not thinking of him and you're sure as hell not thinking of your future child!

Here's what would happen if you got pregnant: he'll bolt. You may be able to go after him for child support payments - and you'd get it - even thought he doesn't want you or your child; but the reality is that you'll never have him. This is true even if he agreed to stay around! He would be there physically, but not emotionally, spiritually or intellectually.

Please, PLEASE don't do this. Your own kids deserve so much better than this - even if you don't think you do. Kick this guy to the curb, get yourself healed right away and go find someone you can love that loves you back. Then, become the woman of this new guy's dreams, get married and have that family you want.

DO NOT try to entrap this guy by getting pregnant - it's going to backfire, trust me. I see it almost every single day!

Best regards...

© 2009, Dr. Dennis W. Neder

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Relationship is a pervading and changing mystery...brutal or lovely, the mystery waits for people wherever they go, whatever extreme they run to. - Euroda Welty

Dr. Dennis W. Neder is the author of Being a Man in a Woman's World I and Being a Man in a Woman's World II. Have a love, dating, relationship, sex or man/woman question? You can write to him by going to: for answers. Check out the discussion group at: . Stay tuned for our new Internet TV Show - BAM TV - starting soon!

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