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September
Late Adolescence
Adolescence, as we saw earlier, is a stage rather
than an age. The onset of the biological
developments of adolescence can be separated by as
much as several years from one boy to another. Yet
there are some age-related events that are
milestones in a boy's career, none more so that
passing the required tests (written and road) and
earning a first driver's license. In most states
the minimum age is sixteen, and in many families
the tests are taken by boys within a few days, or
at most a few weeks, of their sixteenth birthdays
because they have been secretly practicing as
fifteen-year-olds. Having "wheels" makes such a
difference in a boy's life that it is the ritual
that separates early adolescence from late
adolescence
Charles McGrath, the editor of the New York
Times Book Review reminisced recently about cars
during his adolescence:
In the 50's and 60's, a car was more than a
ride. It was a passport to freedom (even if freedom
meant nothing more than cruising back and forth on
the same well-traveled stretch of blacktop), and it
was the embodiment of sexual possibility. Like many
American boys of my generation, I grew up believing
that automotive expertise and success with girls
were intrinsically linked. . . . I could never
afford a car of my own. When I went on dates, I had
to borrow my father's. . . . The goal was not
motion but rest: parking. My favorite spot was a
reservoir not far from my house, where on any
weekend night dozens of cars would be nestled, nose
in, against the verge. There, with the radio
playing softly and the window cracked down an inch
or two to let in the summer breeze, we earnest
young mechanics plied our trade, or tried to,
kissing, stroking, petting-all in an effort to rev
what we had been taught to think of as the
notoriously balky female engine. Sometimes, in
spite of our crude efforts, it did spring to life,
with an ardor that startled us both, and sometimes,
to tell the truth, it was we boys, scared, timid
and clumsy, who needed jump starting. . . . Girls,
it turned out, were not as different from us as we
thought--except that most of them did not care
about cars at all!
This milestone arrived for me in an unexpected
fashion. As my sixteenth birthday approached, my
father tossed cold water on any thoughts of
independence I was harboring—and I was
harboring quite a few. "A car is an instrument of
death:' he asserted with all the confidence one
might expect from a chief justice of the Supreme
Court. There was, on this issue, no appeal possible
beyond my father's decision, and he promised that I
wouldn't be allowed to drive until I was eighteen.
Then, old enough to vote and to join the armed
forces, I would in his eyes be old enough to
drive.
I didn't take the ruling too personally because
I knew that my behavior in early adolescence hadn't
given my father any reason to think me less
trustworthy behind the wheel than my peers. For all
I knew, he was thinking of how much his car
insurance premiums would jump with a licensed
sixteen-year-old in the family.
There the matter rested until four months after
my birthday, when my mother was admitted to a
psychiatric hospital for the first time for
treatment of disabling depression. Suddenly the
prospect of my knowing how to drive soared in
value. At my father's insistence, I took a crash
course—no pun intended—at a Mount Vernon
driving school, and then the two requisite tests.
The written test was a piece of cake, but I was
nervous about the road test. My examiner was
nervous, too, as I recall. The vehicle was my
mother's blue and white 1956 Plymouth with a stick
shift. My father thought automatic transmissions
were an unnecessary frill. What I worried about was
that I might stall out the engine when I shifted
gears using the clutch, or fail to do an acceptable
piece of parallel parking. I managed not to stall
and I aced the parallel parking; the state
policeman testing me visibly relaxed. Along with my
new chores as family chauffeur, I had some
memorable experiences in the old Plymouth.
Diverging Tracks
By age forty, students of midlife and its now
celebrated crisis have told us, most men have
reached the highest plateau of their work lives or
have a pretty clear idea what that highest plateau
is going to be; the knowledge of career limitations
itself is one of the stimulants of the midlife
crisis. By age sixteen, analogously, most
adolescent boys know which of three tracks they've
chosen for the next five or more years. Many will
finish high school and go on to college or some
form of technical training. Many others will
complete high school, find a job, and go to work,
very likely living at home for a time until they
acquire some experience and savings, then striking
out on their own, perhaps marrying at a relatively
early age. The smallest group-yet a substantial
number-will drop out of school, perhaps find a job,
probably at a low hourly wage, maybe drift into
substance addiction or crime. The dropouts have the
least promising prospects for adult life, and
generally are aware of it.
About the time they get driver's licenses, boys
who stay in school begin to take on paying
jobs-after school, on weekends, or during holiday
and summer breaks-that give them money of their own
and a taste of what full-time employment might be
like.
As my schoolteacher brother reminded me, every
teenage boy has a job. It's called schoolwork, and
it has a weighty overtime component called
homework. Despite its lack of compensation,
schoolwork is real work. It is demanding, it is
more or less relentless, it is tiring, and it is
constantly monitored and graded.
Those boys headed toward the tracks of education
or stable work take advantage of the final spurts
of development of the brain. One spurt occurs at
age fifteen on average, and the other from age
eighteen to twenty. These spurts appear to coincide
with the best scores young males achieve on
intelligence tests; they also appear to be
associated with the refinement of abstract
thinking, a prerequisite for mature and reflective
thought. The only cognitive edge boys have over
girls lies in spatial reasoning, not to be confused
with the arithmetical part of mathematics. Boys
display this edge before age ten, and it lasts
right through adolescence.
Stephanie Coontz notes that two researchers in
1968 concluded that "readiness for adulthood comes
about two years later than the adolescent claims
and about two years before the parent will admit."
Coontz thinks it likely the degree of
miscalculation has increased on both sides since
the late 1960s.
Two other variables that are getting more
distant from each other are the average age of
physical maturation and the average age of economic
independence. The age at which boys can support
themselves, let alone a family, has reached a new
high in the past two decades. So there is a longer
and longer period when adolescents are sexually
mature and physically and mentally capable of adult
work, but remain economically dependent.
As recently as 1940 about 60 percent of employed
boys aged sixteen and seventeen worked in
traditional settings such as factories, farms, or
construction sites, where they labored alongside,
and often as apprentices to, older men. By 1980 the
percentage of boys so employed had dropped to 14
percent. The bulk of jobs available to boys are
dead-end jobs such as in the fast-food business
where they get relatively little adult mentoring
and have few opportunities for significant
advancement.
Teenagers with jobs are more likely than their
unemployed peers to express cynical attitudes
toward work, and to endorse unethical business
practices; they are more likely to agree with
statements such as "People who work harder at their
jobs than they have to are crazy" or "In my
opinion, it's all right for workers who are paid a
low salary to take little things."
Earlier generations of boys may often have
worked to help support their families, and that
phenomenon is not unknown today. But to judge from
the adolescents I interviewed in the past year,
most work in order to earn money for their own
consumption-to maintain their own cars and
entertainment, some of their own clothes, and the
expenses of dating. Many corporations have
obviously targeted them as an enticing market with
plenty of disposable income. This pressure to
consume can take its toll on academic work and
future opportunity. Adolescent boys frequently put
in so many hours each week in wage-earning that
they have no waking time left for homework; some of
them fall asleep in classrooms out of sheer
fatigue.
Delinquency
Nearly all adolescent boys. if asked directly
and confidentially, will admit having been guilty
of offenses of one sort or another besides driving
violations: for example, under-age drinking,
smoking marijuana. running away from home, petty
theft. disorderly conduct, vandalism. A 1998 survey
of 20,000 middle- and high-school students (both
boys and girls) by the Josephson Institute of
Ethics showed that 47 percent admitted stealing
something from a store in the previous twelve-month
period, up from 39 percent in a similar survey in
1966, with a quarter of the high school students
saying they had committed store theft at least
twice.
The report was released during National
CHARACTER COUNTS! Week in October of 1998. The data
showing very high levels of admitted stealing,
lying, and cheating didn't seem to jibe with the
respondents' self image or with their perceptions
of parental values. Ninety-one percent of the
students said they were satisfied with their ethics
and character. Almost as many believed that lying
and cheating hurt character. Eighty three percent
said their parents always want them to do the right
thing. no matter what the cost: only 7 percent
believed that their parents would prefer them to
cheat if necessary to get good grades.
Arrest data and adolescents' own testimony
suggests that the incidence of minor crime rises in
the early teenage years, remains high through the
middle stage of adolescence, and declines toward
the end of adolescence. The curve of the data
reflects the waxing and waning of peer influence.
As teenage boys spend more and more time with boys
their own age, they succumb more frequently to peer
pressure to commit illegal acts. As they become
more selective about their friends in late
adolescence, many of them resist activities that
involve breaking laws.
Effective response to any act of juvenile
delinquency depends on ferreting out the principal
motive. Some transgressions are acts of aggression.
Boys in groups may playoff each other's
aggressiveness and commit acts most of them would
be incapable of—or at least far less capable
of—if they were acting alone. Sometimes the
aggressiveness is an expression of targeted
resentment.When teenage boys disfigure the school
walls with graffiti, it isn't hard to infer the
object of their resentment.
Other acts of delinquency, however, seem to be
acts of deliberate risktaking more than aggression.
Early experimentation with drugs and alcohol often
has this motive. So, too, may petty theft-"Can I do
this without being caught?" Within the dynamics of
peer groups, members are often dared to commit
illegal acts as proof of their masculine
credentials. The less confident a boy is of his
standing within the group, the more vulnerable he
is to proposed tests of his daring.
Preadolescent children often display a strong
sense—some of it innately temperamental, but
some of it learned from protective parents and
other adults—of caution about new and risky
ventures. This caution dissolves in early
adolescence as a boy further distances himself from
his parents and other adults, sometimes
deliberately flaunting his parents' sense of
caution. But another factor here is that adolescent
boys simply don't assess risks the way most adults
do. Many boys have a sense of invulnerability to
danger. "It can't happen to me" is a line many boys
carry in their imaginations, while "It did happen
to me" is an adult confession they may decline to
heed.
For most teenagers, a brush with the law doesn't
augur long-term antisocial behavior. However, boys
who have many relatively minor encounters with the
police are certainly at risk of becoming serious
offenders. About 12 percent of violent crimes
(homicide, rape, robbery, and assault) are
committed by teenagers, overwhelmingly by boys.
About 22 percent of property offenses (burglary and
theft) are committed by teenagers, overwhelmingly
by boys.
Some of the factors linked to adolescent
delinquency are poor academic performance and low
verbal ability, rejection by peers in earlier
childhood, growing up in a home ridden with
conflict, and close associations with other
delinquent boys. Individual episodes of adolescent
crime are replete with the judgment of bystanders:
"I can't believe [Rick] would do a thing
like that!" Gerald Patterson and his colleagues
have done substantial research into the antecedents
of youthful brushes with the law. One common
pattern is of a boy growing up in a family beset
with much internal conflict, where lax and
inconsistent discipline leads to boyish conduct
problems, followed by academic failure and
rejection by peers in middle childhood, culminating
in the boy's joining a deviant peer group in which
he is motivated to repeated antisocial
behavior.
Sex
When I try to draw a profile of the sexual
development and behavior of the later teenage boy,
I am more than ever aware of the tension between
statistics and individual cases. By age sixteen,
many boys have developed active interpersonal
sexual histories—either heterosexual or
homosexual—but many others of their peers
haven't had a date yet, and are relying on the
media, fantasies, and masturbation for sexual
pleasure; the specifics of counseling a boy's needs
are going to vary considerably depending on where
he stands in the range of sexual maturity and
experience.
As recently as the 1970s, the division of males
who had or had not had at least one experience of
sexual intercourse by age eighteen was about even,
with 55 percent on the experienced side. In twenty
years the percentage of boys with experience of
intercourse by age eighteen has risen to 73
percent. Since the average age of first marriage
for males in the United States is twenty-six, boys
face on average a period of more than a decade
between the onset of puberty (a process completed
in about three years) and marriage.
Social and cultural factors might intervene to
reverse the trend of early sexual intercourse for
males, just as a rising tide of teenage pregnancies
has recently been slightly reversed. But it is
unlikely that a society can keep most of its males
chaste through a decade during which they reach the
apex of sexual drive and their attention is
captured many times a day by sexual thoughts or
images. It is not surprising at all that 93 percent
of American males have had sexual intercourse
before marriage, or that one of fifteen males
fathers a child when he is still a teenager. Since
85 percent of teenage pregnancies are unintended,
we can safely surmise that many of the children
fathered by male teenagers are at best mixed
blessings.
Who should teach adolescent males about sex, and
what should they teach them? It is far easier to
prescribe what kind of person should do the
teaching than to know who that person might be in a
given adolescent's environment. The teacher can be
either a man or a woman who is knowledgeable about
the information and wisdom to be transmitted,
comfortable with the subject of sex itself, and who
does not bring a personal sexual agenda to the
discussion.
If you ask teenagers today whom they most rely
on for knowledge about sexuality, they say they
look most to their parents, then to peers, then to
schoolteachers, then to the media. Their
parents—mothers significantly more frequently
than fathers—acknowledge that they talk to
their children about sex far more than their own
parents talked to them about it. But they also
indicate a good deal of discomfort about the
responsibility and wish the schools would accept
more of it.
Surveys make a good deal of the fact that
despite all of the instruction about the physiology
of sex, a large proportion of adolescent males
don't understand much about fertility cycles in
females. Some of the reticence of parents to be
responsible for counseling their sons about sex is
that they themselves have forgotten much of the
relevant biology of reproduction, and don't want to
discuss the experiential side of sex. The mark of
this silence about experience is that many
adolescents can't imagine their parents having sex;
parental sex is either mysterious or even slightly
repellent to them.
If we examine parental and school teachings, we
find a predominant wish that adolescents would
practice sexual abstinence, but that if they can't
hold to that goal, they should at least avoid
contracting sexually transmitted diseases, and
avoid causing pregnancies. These concerns are
undeniably important, given that a million teenage
girls become pregnant every year (many of them to
older than teenage males) and that 3 million
teenagers are infected with a sexually transmitted
disease each year.
What is missing in this approach is an
acknowledgment or acceptance of the adolescent
drive for pleasure. Adults have important
interests, too, in avoiding sexually transmitted
diseases and unwanted pregnancies; but these
concerns take their place in the context of the
attempt, through all of the complexities and
frustrations involved, to have satisfying sex
lives.
The formal and informal sexual education of
boys, I believe, rarely pays sufficient attention
to both the positive and the cautionary aspects of
sexual engagement. There is no socially endorsed
means of teaching an adolescent boy how to cope
with the nervousness that typically affects a male
with a first or a new sexual partner; how to
control the impulsivity that accompanies sexual
excitement; how and when to elicit assent by a
partner to his sexual initiatives; how to
communicate with a partner in order to
discover—and care about—what gives her
pleasure; how to reduce the manipulative and
aggressive scripts in order to allow sexual
activity to be more playful, more intimate, and
more loving; how to heighten both the control and
the pleasure of sex by making it more verbal, more
articulate.
Despite what teenagers report about depending on
parents and teachers for sexual information and
advice, I believe they actually depend more on each
other and on what they glean from a blizzard of
media messages ranging from the sublime to the
pornographic. Many boys are on their own, learning
as they may from their peers, who often exaggerate
and distort, and from erotic literature that often
downplays the search for mutual pleasure in favor
of mute, impulsive drives toward orgasmic relief by
males pressing ever ahead to the next "base" Some
males pass their entire sexual lives rarely
experiencing the transformation of sexual
excitement into mutual passion. Any romantic themes
in the media are often vastly oversimplified. The
line between reality and fantasy gets very
blurred.
Adolescent discussions and media presentations
(including movies, videos, talk shows, and sitcoms)
need infusions of knowledge and insight that
parents and teachers (and other concerned adults
such as physicians, clergy, and lawyers) could
effectively provide if they were willing to accept
and honor, rather than to attempt to deny or
proscribe or shame or riddle with fear, the
adolescent's sexual drive.
One way boys reduce anxiety about the risk of
sexual engagements is to consume alcohol or drugs.
Their parents use this method on a wholesale basis,
so it is not surprising that adolescents borrow the
method. They may also thereby either reduce their
capacity for performing sexually, or provoke
sexualized aggression. (Not a few rapists appear to
be trying to compensate for feelings of sexual
inadequacy.)
In groups, adolescent males may give each other
nerve that many of them would lack if relating
individually to young women. The anthropologist
Peggy Reeves Sanday has shown in disturbing detail
how alcohol and pack behavior work together in some
male college fraternity parties. In these
situations, boys are free of the constraints of
living with parents. (The same kind of events can
happen with high school students when Mom and Dad
go away for a weekend under circumstances that
permit an unchaperoned teenage party in their
house.)
Sanday interviewed some fraternity members and
the girls they deliberately gang-assaulted. One
male group described their objectives as "working a
'yes' out" of their dates. Their techniques
included inviting dates from out of town who would
not feel self-confident and protected in the
unfamiliar environment, or inviting dates whose
style of dress suggested they might be sexually
receptive, or inviting dates of lower social class
standing who might feel they were winning
acceptance at a higher social level. The dates were
plied with alcohol until drunk or un resistant and
then drawn into a bedroom. Sometimes the room
designated for such sexual scenes had peepholes
through which other members of the fraternity could
watch. After the fraternity brother had sex with
his date, he would leave the room and other
brothers would take their turn, subduing or
threatening the young woman to the extent necessary
to achieve sexual compliance. Some college
administrations are now concerned about the social
dynamics, particularly the abuse of alcohol and
sex, of male students living in unchaperoned groups
and are taking steps to prevent such practices as
Sanday has described.
Lives on Hold
There is a curve to adolescence that gives rise
to optimism. At the beginning of puberty, most boys
are reasonably obedient sons and schoolboys. As
sexual maturation occurs, boys draw away from
family intimacy. They experiment with sex, alcohol,
tobacco, and perhaps other drugs. They excel in
risk-taking. When they get their driver's licenses,
their independence takes another quantum leap. They
get jobs. They stay out late and sleep late every
chance they get. They buy and wear clothes that
irritate their parents. They adorn themselves with
fancy haircuts and tattoos. The adults in their
lives watch this process with a mixture of anxiety,
fascination, and horror. The wisest of them repress
some of their impulses to object, complain, worry
aloud, or counsel without invitation.
Most of the sons, toward the end of high school,
turn back toward more closeness with their
families. As they begin to look ahead to college or
full-time jobs, they see that family support is
indispensable to their futures. Also, they see that
they have already won considerable independence;
the battle doesn't have to be rewaged every day.
They have won space of their own that no one wants
to take away from them.
And so all should be well, right? Family
relations patched up again, high school graduation
on the horizon, early adulthood in reasonable
proximity. Yet it doesn't all feel right. I circle
back to Stephanie Coontz and an observation she
made almost in passing in The Way We Really Are:
"It's not that we have more bad parents or more bad
kids today than we used to. It's not that families
have lost interest in their kids. And there is no
evidence that the majority of today's teenagers are
more destructive or irresponsible than in the past.
[Perhaps the data cited in this chapter shows
them to be a little more destructive and
irresponsible.] However, relations between
adults and teens are especially strained today, not
because youths have lost their childhood, as is
usually suggested, but because they are not being
adequately prepared for the new requirements of
adulthood. In some ways, childhood has actually
been prolonged, if it is measured by dependence on
parents and segregation from adult activities."
We have, to use Coontz's term, made adolescence
too "roleless". We have designed educational
structures for teenagers that many find boring,
unlinked to any path to the adult world. We have
neglected to give them any significant public space
of their own. We have kept extending the amount of
education needed to impress hiring institutions
almost as a way of keeping late adolescents/young
adults from competing in job markets before older
adults want them to.
In addition, the facility of certain older
teenagers for grasping the complexities of fast
evolving technologies such as information science
and "ecommerce" terrifies older adults who cannot
absorb social and technological change as quickly.
This may result in a kind of unconscious conspiracy
to keep teenagers in limbo for quite a few years.
They do not feel needed. Why should we be surprised
if, in their separate subculture, they treat their
boredom and comparative irrelevance with behavior
adults don't admire?
The predominant approach to adolescence today is
to balkanize the issues. Safer sex. Reduce crime.
Just say no to alcohol and drugs. Indeed. these
issues do develop lives of their own. But they must
be seen in the context of what we believe
adolescence to be. A redefinition of adolescence to
give it serious and honored purpose would not fail
to affect each of these issues.
C. McGrath, "Autoerotic," New York Times
Magazine (July 5,1998), 50.
Coontz, The Way We Really Are, 14.
adolescent attitudes L. J. Stone and J. Church,
Childhood and Adolescence: A Psychology of the
Growing Person (New York: Random House, 1968),
30.
Josephson Institute of Ethics, "1998 Report Card
on the Ethics of American Youth," posted on the
Internet October 19, 1998 (Josephson Institute of
Ethics, Publications Department, 4640 Admiralty
Way, #1001, Marina del Rey, CA 90292-6610).
arrest data United State Department of Justice,
Crime in the U.S.: Uniform Crime Reports
(Washington, D.C.: U.S. Government Printing Office,
1995).
risk-taking Dryfoos, Safe Passages.
G. R. Patterson, B. D. DeBaryshe, E. Ramsey, "A
Developmental Perspective on Antisocial Behavior,"
American Psychologist 44 (1989),
329-335.361-366adolescent sexual
experienceSteinberg, Adolescence, 408-420.
Alan Guttmacher Institute, Sex and America's
Teenagers (New York: Planned Parenthood Federation,
1994).
S. B. Kinsman, D. Romer, F. F. Furstenberg, and
D. F. Schwarz, "Early Sexual Initiation: The Role
of Peer Norms," Pediatrics 102 (1998),
1185-1192.
R. Kaufmann, A. Spitz, and L. Strauss, "The
Decline in United States Teen Pregnancy Rates,
1990-1995," Pediatrics, 102 (1998), 1141-1147.
C. Stevens-Simon and D. Kaplan, "Teen
Childbearing Trends: Which Tide Turned When and
Why?" Pediatrics 102 (1998), 1205-1206.
M. D. Resnick, P. S. Bearman, R. W. Blum, K. E.
Bauman, K. M. Harris, J. Jones, J. Tabor, T.
Beuhring, R. E. Sieving, M. Shew, M. Ireland, L. H.
Bearinger, and R. Udry, "Protecting Adolescents
from Harm: Findings from the National Longitudinal
Study on Adolescent Health," Journal of the
American Medical Association 278 (1997),
823-832.
R. Garofalo, R. C. Wolf, S. Kessel, J. Palfrey,
R. H. DuRant, "The Association Between Health Risk
Behaviors and Sexual Orientation Among a
School-Based Sample of Adolescents," Pediatrics 101
(1998), 895-902.
P. R. Sanday, Fraternity Gang Rape (New York:
New York University Press, 1990).
homosexual adolescence R. C. Savin-Williams and
K. M. Cohen, The Lives of Lesbians, Gays, and
Bisexuals: Children to Adults (New York: Harcourt,
Brace, and Company, 1996).
R. C. Savin-Williams and L. M. Diamond, "Sexual
Orientation As a Developmental Context for
.Lesbians, Gays, and Bisexuals: Biological
Perspectives," in N. L. Segal, G. E. Weisfeld, and
C. C. Weisfeld, eds., Uniting Psychology and
Biology: Integrative Perspectives on Human
Development (Washington, D.C.: American
Psychological Association, 1997), 217-23
disclosure of sexual orientation R. C.
Savin-Williams, E. M. Dube, "Parental Reactions to
Their Child's Disclosure of a Gay/Lesbian
Identity," Family Relations 47 (1998): 7-13.
R. C. Savin-Williams, "The Disclosure to
Families of Same-Sex Attractions By Lesbian, Gay
and Bisexual Youths," Journal of Research on
Adolescence 8 (1998), 49-68.371-372adolescent
suicideB. Guyer, M. F. MacDorman, J. A. Martin, K.
D. Peters, and D. M. Strobino, "Annual Summary of
Vital Statistics—1997," Pediatrics 102 (1998),
1333-1349.
D. K. Curran, Adolescent Suicidal Behavior
(Washington,D.C.: Hemisphere, 1987).
R. Wetzel, "Hopelessness, Depression, and
Suicide Intent," Archives of General Psychiatry 33
(1976), 1069-1073.
Coontz, The Way We Really Are, 14.
©2007 Eli Newberger
Eli Newberger,
M.D., a leading figure in the movement to improve
the protection and care of children, is renowned
for his ability to bring together good sense and
science on the main issues of family life. A
pediatrician and author of many influential works
on child abuse, he teaches at Harvard Medical
School and founded the Child Protection Team and
the Family Development Program at Children’s
Hospital in Boston. From his research and practice
he has derived a philosophy that focuses on the
strength and resilience of parent-child
relationships, and a practice oriented to
compassion and understanding, rather than blame and
punishment. He is the author of The
Men They Will Become: The Nature and Nurture
of Male Charaacter
and lives in Brookline, Massachusetts with his wife
Carolyn, a developmental and clinical child
psychologist." www.elinewberger.com
or E-Mail.
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