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Hungry for Profits? Diversify into Abuse
Shelters!
With the stock market tanking and the economy
floundering, many are on the look-out for a
lucrative yet safe investment vehicle. So why not
consider what may be the best financial opportunity
around: ABUSE SHELTERS. Many don’t realize
that shelters enjoy million-dollar-plus budgets, so
we’re talking real money here!
Here are 10 reasons why diversifying your
retirement portfolio into abuse shelters is a
sure-bet to deliver strong capital appreciation
with little downside risk:
1. Low Upfront Costs. Many abuse shelters
consist of a sad-sack house in a remote part of
town. All you need to do is buy a fixer-upper, dab
on a coat of paint, and you’re ready for
business!
2. Rapidly-Growing Demand. “Domestic
violence” used to mean planting a knuckle
sandwich squarely on your partner’s face. But
now, calling your wife a “fatso” or
chiding your husband as a couch-potato is grounds
for police action. Shelters don’t require any
proof of abuse, and any tall-tale will do.
3. Charge for Non-Existent Services. The
Southern Christian Leadership Conference operated
an abuse shelter in Dayton, Ohio until the
dilapidated facility finally had to be shut down.
But that didn’t stop the SCLC from continuing
to bill the Federal Emergency Management Agency for
providing make-believe services to long-gone
victims.
4. Slave Labor. Half of shelter workers are
volunteers, and the rest are ladies with a degree
in Women’s Studies. They can’t find
gainful employment anywhere else, so you can hire
them for a song and work them to the bone.
5. Creative Accounting. Abuse shelters are an
unregulated industry and enjoy minimal reporting
requirements. Just last week, a former shelter
worker revealed how her director would doctor the
utilization reports to goose the profits: abusegate.mensnewsdaily.com/2010/05/27/former-shelter-worker-80-90-of-the-victims-there-are-not-victims/
6. No Extra Security. Some abuse shelters hire
staffers who won’t hesitate for a second to
clean your clock. That’s what AWARE Inc. of
Jackson, Mich. did, until shelter manager LaDonna
Glenn was convicted last month of felonious assault
against her husband.
7. Tax-Exempt Fashion Statement: At the
Washington DC-based Knock-Out Abuse, Shelter Chic
is the word. Shelter employees rave about the
“bold green wainscoting,” “fantastic
mint green haven,” and even “bliss
living.” Nowadays, being a domestic violence
victim has its perks.
8. Rich and Famous. Domestic violence has become
the trendy social cause for the affluent white
female demographic. Make your lachrymose
battered-women pitch and watch the checkbooks come
flying out.
9. Hob-Nobbing Politicos. One of lawmakers’
best applause lines is how they got tough on
domestic violence and came to the valiant rescue of
defenseless women. Enlist a politician in your
noble cause and watch your fortunes soar!
10. Diversification. Since abuse supposedly
pervades every corner of our society, you can do
practically anything, legal or otherwise, in the
name of stopping domestic violence. Here are a few
examples:
- Dog Rescue. That’s what the Safe Harbor
Foundation of Leonard, Texas did. But last month
the shelter ran out of money, the dogs turned
sickly, and the cops were called in. Bad for the
dogs, bad for business.
- Drug Dealing. Shelters don’t screen
potential residents for criminal activity, so
drug dealing is commonplace inside shelter
walls. Sade Gant, employee of the AWARE shelter
in Michigan, recently pleaded ‘no
contest’ to a misdemeanor charge of
maintaining a local drug house.
- Used Cars. In Mountain View, Calif., Gary
Kegel seized on the idea of selling second-hand
cars in the name of bankrolling the Community
Fellowship for Battered Women. But a probe found
only 5% of the car sales went to support the
shelter.
- Immigrant Running. The SHIELD Foundation
Shelter in Phoenix, Ariz. coaches immigrant
women to make outrageous accusations of abuse,
forcing unsuspecting boyfriends from their
homes. While he’s gone, she pawns off his
valuables on the Black Market.
But a word to the wise…
Avoid shelters in major urban centers that
employ staff with skyscraper salaries. At the Safe
Horizon shelter in New York City, CEO Scott
Millstein does well by doing good on a $170,000
paycheck. At the Family Place in Dallas, director
Paige Flink enjoys the good life with $163,000 in
salary and benefits.
So cash in on this ground-floor opportunity
while the competition is flat-footed and the market
is still hot!
* * *
Carey
Roberts probes and lampoons political correctness.
His work has been published frequently in the
Washington Times, Townhall.com, LewRockwell.com,
ifeminists.net, Intellectual Conservative, and
elsewhere. He is a staff reporter for the New Media
Network. You can contact him at E-Mail
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