Relationship   Don’t Go To Bed Mad??? Do You Fall In Love With The Wrong Women Too Easily? How To End An Argument Within Minutes “Is She Losing Interest in Me?” The "Nice Guy" Syndrome The Perfect Birthday Gift For Her Stop Thinking About Her Within 30 days Ten Things That Will Help Make Your Relationship With A Woman Work, Starting Right Now! What Is Love? And How Do You Know If You Are Truly In Love? What To Do With The Ring When The Engagement Has Been Broken When She Wants To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom Why You Should Live With Her First, BEFORE You Marry Her Don’t Go To Bed Mad??? There’s an old saying for couples who are arguing before going to bed: “If you have an argument, don’t go to bed mad.” Now I’d like to know who started that one, because that’s not always good advice. What a couple should do IS to go to bed mad, because the next morning your mood may have very well changed after a good night’s sleep. You both may say, “Now why were we arguing over this?” Make it a rule that there should be a time out and to just go to bed and “discuss” it the next day. In addition, tell her that you love her, and she should say the same thing to you, even though you two are pissed at one another. You’d be surprised how well this works. Now that’s not to say it works every time, especially if you are having a knock-out, drawn-out fight, but you get the idea of it all. Try it! When She Wants To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom Ok, your girlfriend, or the girl you are just now dating says she wants to be a stay-at-home mom, and you think that’s ok, but you also don’t want to marry a possibly lazy woman. After all there have been plenty of frustrated husbands who have lazy wives who sit at home with bon bons, watching soap operas. Maybe you had an ex who was like that, which is one of the reasons she is now your ex. So, how in the heck can you tell if these wanna-be stay-at-home moms don’t land up fat and lazy after just so long? How is she as a worker right now? Is her place well kept? Is she energetic? Does she keep on top of things? Or, does she take naps when she doesn’t need to? Does she leave the shopping cart in the middle of the parking lot because she is too lazy to take it back up to the store? Take a good look at her lifestyle now. That, SHOULD be a pretty good indicator for you. Now that’s not to say she may change over the years, but if she is a hard, energetic worker to begin with, it’s a good chance she will continue to be so. One guy told me that he has a girlfriend who has three housedogs, and that her place is always a mess. Well, if she can’t pick up after three dogs, is she going to pick up after kids, do the cooking, AND do the cleaning on a continuous basis? Of course it’s different from cleaning up after dogs, but not by that much. And after the first year or so of raising kids and taking care of the house, she may just land up being a pain in a man’s butt. Who knows. “Is She Losing Interest in Me?” Do you think that your girlfriend is losing interest in you? Or maybe you think that the relationship is just settling down after so many weeks of being together, and it’s just natural that the newness and excitement is over, and it’s supposed to be like this? Well, the following is a simple way to know for sure. And if you are thinking: She’s not around as much anymore. She doesn’t want to come over as much as she once did, then you probably already have your answer. After all, if you aren’t as interested in a woman as you once were, wouldn’t you act the same way? Men and women act the same way when they are losing interest in someone. Now of course she could be busy, or she is just the type of person who thinks seeing her boyfriend only a couple of times a week is enough, but if she isn’t even making enough time for you for even that many times, what does that tell you? There are always ways to make time for one another. Having dinner and / or lunch together (she has to eat, right?), spending evenings together when she is going to be home relaxing in front of the TV (why not do it together?), and other things like that. So her being so busy is not an excuse she can use. Test the water, by distancing yourself from her. If she doesn’t come back and ask why you haven’t been more available, and / or she doesn’t suddenly make time for you, there is your answer. Yes, you can talk to her about it, but what if she is one of those overly-nice women who can’t tell you the truth? “I’m just not that into you anymore.” Ouch! You’ll give her the benefit of the doubt, and even more of your time could be possibly wasted. Prepare yourself in case she really isn’t interested in you as much as she once was, and be strong enough to move on. Click here for more on this in detail and never before read relationship tips and advice on how to better understand women and having the kind of relationship you want with that right woman for you. Do You Fall In Love With The Wrong Women Too Easily? Do you land up falling in love with her after you have had sex with her? Well, you’re not the only one. A LOT of guys do. And what usually happens after, what, six months? Yup, she lands up not being the one for you after all. Or, she has decided that you aren’t for her. Ouch! And how long does it take for you to fall out of love with her? Or, are you still in love with the last one? It’s not a good feeling. I know. There’s a simple technique that will work wonders for you, which has worked for who knows how many men before you. Though you are probably going to hate it. Are you ready? … Don’t have sex with her until you know more about her. Hey, think about it. You NEED to know more about this woman if you do have a tendency to fall in love after sleeping with her. Read this chapter again. No, STUDY this chapter, and be more on solid ground to see if the two of you are right for one another. And yes, I know, who knows if two people are right for one another. There are couples breaking up after years together, but you should at least know that the both of you are compatible enough for a relationship where there is hope. Too many couples get together for the dumbest of reasons. 1.) She’s lonely, and she is tired of dating, so she will settle with him. 2.) He’s lonely, and he is tired of dating, so he will settle for her. 3.) The sex was good for him, so she’s the one. 4.) They had fun together those first couple of dates, but their incompatibility differences bogs them down over time. They stay together because of the fun they had on those dates, hoping that it will come back somehow. 5.) They are with one another mainly because they like each other’s looks. Once you get your act together, you will find that you will be able to better control this heart on your sleeve. Why You Should Live With Her First, BEFORE You Marry Her You would think that couples living together first before getting married would stand a better chance in having a happy and healthy marriage. They get to see how one another acts after so long of living together 24/7. After all, it’s just common sense, isn’t it? But not according to many Ph.D.’s studying marriage and family life. But not that many Ph.D.’s use their commons sense. They’re college educated, but it doesn’t mean much if they don’t use their common sense. In 2004, a Penn State University study found that living together before marriage is, in fact, linked to higher rates of separation and divorce. Research psychologist Catherine Cohan, a co-author of the study, says the data suggest it has a lot to do with the easy-out situation living together provides, as well as with the type of people who choose to live together before marriage. "Evidence indicates that people who live together have more liberal attitudes toward divorce, are less religious and lead unconventional lifestyles," she says. Often, people who choose to live together do so for convenience, not love. Living together is so strongly associated with divorce, Cohan says, that "if you take two identical twins, with all things being equal, the twin that lived together before marriage is twice as likely to get divorced as the other twin." Cohan is right on much of what she said, but let’s not say that living together first is a bad idea just because of these kinds of couples who are getting a divorce. I mean, come on. Back in 2004, a major study and research program was put together by Ph.D.’s from the University of Wisconsin. It showed that a higher divorce rate existed among couples living together before marriage. Many such studies have been conducted by Ph.D’s, but, here is where they aren’t using any common sense. That stat is probably true, but it’s only because more married couples lived together first, as opposed to the ones who didn’t. It’s estimated that at least three times more couples live together first. So, for example: You have 9,000 couples who lived together first, where as you have 3,000 couples who didn’t. If you look at the divorces from those 12,000 couples, then of course you are going to get a higher rate of live-ins who got a divorce. It’s just common sense. Also, could it be that many couples living together are the ones who are more likely to get a divorce anyway? The simple fact of living together is just a coincidence related to divorce, rather than the actual cause. Another such study came out in 2004 from the University of Denver. The Ph.D’s came up with two reasons why live-ins land up getting a divorce. 1.) Once a couple starts living together, it’s harder to break up the relationship. Either the man or the woman isn’t really that happy and satisfied, but since he or she spent so much time living with their significant other, buying furnishings together, maybe having a child, etc., that person is more reluctant to leave. They have “settled.” They let themselves get in deeper and deeper, and the next thing they know, they are at the alter hoping for the best. 2.) Many feel pressured to get married, because they have been living together for so long. Between the significant other and / or the family, that person relents. It’s usually the men who are pressured. Many cases are when it’s both the man and the woman who are pressured into marriage by their families. Ph.D.’s aren’t much for common sense, but they are correct on these two things. They are right. Those are the main reasons why live-ins who get married often land up getting a divorce. Living together first isn’t what causes a divorce, it’s the couples themselves who aren’t thinking. Again, let’s don’t throw out the idea of living together first before getting married just because so many couples don’t think before walking down that aisle. A lot of people don’t really pay attention to what their mate is really like inside, and, if he / she will make a great spouse, for life. They tend to ignore the little things that bother each other. Then, after time, those little things turn into bigger things. Those little things are part of what tears a marriage apart. It’s like a windshield with a tiny little crack in it. If it isn’t fixed, as time goes on that little crack will become bigger, and bigger, and bigger, until finally the windshield has to be thrown out. Just like the marriage. It doesn’t even matter if they aren’t living together, because they are more than likely destined to get a divorce anyway, because, they weren’t meant to be together for the rest of their lives. An unbelievable amount of live-in couples say that the problems they are having are too insignificant, and that “things will improve” after they get married. Again, let’s not throw out the idea of living together first because of couples like these. Not one Ph.D. has bothered to mention any of this when they came up with their so-called “research” and them saying that couples should not live together first. As usual, they don’t use common sense. Having weekend sleep-overs won’t work either because most of the time one or both will be on their good behavior, and, it’s not long enough. A weekend sleep-over is far different from every single day. So, what about those couples who change after they tie the knot? … Yes, there are many, many couples who have lived together first and then later married, only to get a divorce soon after, because, “things changed.” They have only themselves to blame. Things Change After Getting Married/Testing One Another/Many Couples Compromise By Getting Engaged While Living Together Perhaps you have heard of the saying, “things change after getting married”? Ph.D’s say that another reason why so many live-in couples get a divorce is because things change after getting married. Just minutes before walking down that aisle or after getting married, the thought of, “we are now going to spend the rest of our lives together” hits one of them or both of them at the same time. It sinks in. But what difference dos it make if they are living together or not? That realization of living together for the rest of their lives is still going to hit them, regardless. Many, NOT ALL, people actually do change when living together for a certain amount of time. Think about it: Two human beings living together 24/7. Practically all people do change, whether it is for the better or for the worse. That is what living together will conclude for a couple, whether it will turn for the worse or for the better. Isn’t it better to say, "she wasn't like this before we moved in," than, "she wasn't like this before we married"? This is where getting engaged while living together is such a great idea. It’s a great test to see if they are REALLY ready for this…FOR LIFE! Call it a “reality check,” if you will. If he wants to live together first before getting married, and she doesn’t, or vice versa, they can compromise. They can live together for, say, six months, and then get engaged. That way they are one step closer to being more committed. If the partner refuses even that, they aren’t being fair. They aren’t even willing to compromise. Now THAT is a red flag waving, JUST from that. After all, a marriage is about compromising, and if the partner can’t even compromise on that one, well, they better think long and hard before getting married. Some of you may be saying, “Well, I don’t want to test my girlfriend. A relationship is not about testing one another. It’s about love and commitment.” One woman said to me, if you go into it as a trial, or to test one another, that's what it will be... and then maybe it is more likely to fail, but if you do things for the right reasons there's no real reason to think it will. A couple can go into it as a trial / a test, AND for love. You may not realize this, but it is about both. It’s about seeing if the both of them are really ready for a lifetime of commitment, AND it’s about love. Listen, you may be turned off by the word “test” or “trial,” but let’s face it, it IS about testing. It IS about a trial to see if they are right for one another. A couple needs to know if they are really ready for a lifetime commitment. Many couples say to one another, “let’s test one another to see if we are right for one another,” whether it be living together or whatever. There is nothing wrong in that. It is for the right reason. Living together first is the first test. Getting engaged and setting a date a year or so later to get married to see if “things change” is the second test. Living together while engaged for that year, or whatever the time amount is, is the last test. You can love one another and still see if you are right for one another. You may be ready, but don’t you want to know if she is REALLY ready for it also? That’s all you need, is a (yet another) divorce down the road. Think about it! If you aren’t ready for marriage but you want your future girlfriend to move in with you, but she has different views, explain it to her the same way it was explained to you here. If she still isn’t convinced, nothing will. Date other women until you find the one with common sense. Ten Things That Will Help Make Your Relationship With A Woman Work, Starting Right Now! The University of California did a study throughout the late nineties on 160 couples on what qualities they possessed that made for years of happy marriage. Psychologist, Robert Levison headed up this study. MANY long-married couples have said theses very same things you are about to read are the reasons why they have been happily married for so long. Whether you are looking for a wife or a live-in, memorize these ten things! 1.) Topping the list: Open affection for one another (I Love you). Making each other laugh and feel good. Humor in a relationship was very important. 2.) Being a team on things. 3.) Shared values, or showing an interest in their partner’s values. 4.) Lasting physical attraction. That is, not gaining weight or changing his / her appearance. These couples don’t believe in the typical saying: “Well, I’m still the same in the inside.” when that person gains weight, because that person isn’t the same. 5.) Trust and respect. 6.) Both partners thinking sex plays an important part in a relationship. 7.) They praise each other. 8.) They listen to each other. 9.) They are supportive of each other. 10.) They treat each other the same way they did when they were first dating. This is the best piece of advice. Many times it’s usually the man who relaxes over that. He stops communicating like he once did, he stops taking her out to dinner (like a date), he stops buying her little things, and he stops telling her how he feels about her. Were you like this with all your past relationships? If you weren’t and if you didn’t get as much sex as you would have wanted, this was probably the reason. She wants things from you, and you want things from her. THIS IS HOW A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP WORKS. Just like marriage, living with that wrong person can be a disaster if you find that you had made a mistake in asking her to move in with you too soon...before knowing for sure if she is the right one for you. Just knowing she is there when he gets off work can depress a lot of guys. They feel trapped, and then they have to go through the mess of having to move out. Date her at least six months before thinking about moving in with her, while all the time paying attention to those little red flags that may pop up. The more red flags that pop up, the longer you have to date her before moving further. If you are looking for a serious relationship, I strongly urge you to read, and study the following books: ARE YOU THE ONE FOR ME? by Barbara DeAngelis, Ph.D. You may not care to much for the author, but her book is one the best out there because she has listened to a lot of men who have made simple blunders in relationships. You will hear and learn from them, through her book. PRE-MARRIAGE QUESTIONS; GETTING TO KNOW YOUR LIFE’S MATE, by Bob Biehl is a book that also may be of help. Just asking yourself the right kind of compatibility questions about you and your potential spouse, and answering yourself honestly, can make a big difference. This book helps you in asking the right kind of questions. THE SEVEN PRINCIPLES FOR MAKING MARRIAGE WORK, by John Gottman, Ph.D. Here is another book that helps you ask those right questions. Too many couples who fall in love don’t feel that they have to ask questions to know for sure. They are so much in love and get along great wherever they go that they are blinded from the fact that they may not REALLY be right for one another…FOR LIFE. Love can take you just so far. All of us make wrong decisions when in love. Study these books, and others like them, and don’t take them for granted. Too many men have, thinking only women read such books, and now look at their situation….ALWAYS BROKE! Buy these books and also treat them just like study guides. What Is Love? And How Do You Know If You Are Truly In Love? Can you believe that there are books out there that are on the subject of trying to define love? Why? … Who cares? Love is just another emotion that we feel. It’s just like anger, sadness and happiness. It derives from our brain. Why try to understand how our brains work? What needs to be known is if you are REALLY in love. After all, look how many divorces have come about because the love really didn’t exist. Many think that it isn’t real love when a schoolboy falls in love with the pretty little girl. “Puppy love” is the term coined. … It’s not real love. I beg to differ. Love, is love. That emotion that comes from a small boy’s part of his brain is the same with the grown man. The grown man’s brain transmits that very same emotion. Love is love. It’s an emotion experienced by all ages, that comes from the same part of the brain. Just like it is with sadness, happiness and anger. Are these three emotions that come from a child any different from an adult’s? I always shake my head in disbelief when people think that children aren’t really in love. If the brain transmits that signal, they are in love! What they should be saying is that they are too young to be in love. Or, they don’t know why they are in love with each other. And this brings us to what we are here now to explain, so you stand a better chance in having a very successful relationship with a woman. First know if you are in truly in love with her, and then know why. There are a lot of men out there with that wrong woman, because they are thinking with their hormones. They think they are in love with her, but the reality is that they are thinking with their dicks. Overtime with her he is delusional into thinking that he is in love with her, when in fact he just, likes her. So what, you may think? Well this is how many marriages started out, and you already know the outcome of nearly all of them. Living together is one thing, you can just pack up and walk out that same day, without any lawyers, but marriage is something totally different. So, when determining if you are in love with a woman, your dick must not do the thinking. A man’s hormones are very powerful. It’s probably more powerful to contain than a smoker trying to quit smoking. So, having sex with a sweet and thoughtful woman who cares for you can trick you into thinking that you care for her back. Most men don’t think. They just go with the flow of the relationship. Only later, when they are married do they start to begin to wake up. There will be arguments in a marriage. It’s part of life with one another, but since he doesn’t REALLY love her, he begins to feel different towards her. He will become less friendly, more resentful much quicker. Eventually they break up. They would have stood a far better chance had the love been in place. Okay, how can a man tell if he is in love with a woman? Actually it is a simple, and will probably be a pretty silly technique to many of you. But it is a very reliable test. The next time you masturbate and ejaculate, go back and lie down and ask yourself the following questions. Do I still want to be with this woman? Do I still want to spend my free time with her? Do I want spend most of my time alone or with the guys? Do I care if she comes over tonight or not? … And am I indifferent on it? If you are coming up with all the wrong answers, you are not in love! You took the hormones out of the picture after you ejaculated. Go back and lie down after ejaculating, and seriously think about her. Analyze your feelings at that point. THIS, is how you can tell if you are in love with a woman. Pretty silly? … Yes! … But it works! Don’t scoff or take this lightly. What happens if this isn’t happening with one woman after another, and it’s been years now? Don’t force it. You can’t force love. You can’t say the hell with it and marry her, just because she is sweet and thoughtful towards you, or you think it’s your time to get married, and then hope for the best. I can fall in love with her, over time. Remember, living with a person 24/7 you don’t REALLY love can have serious consequences. You can grow to dislike her, and since you will feel trapped in the marriage, you will become a bit of a prick to her, and then, in turn she will eventually change from this sweet, thoughtful woman into a bitch. Think about it. If you like to gamble, take that chance. Who knows, it may very well work out, but just remember about that unjustly alimony and child support you may have to pay. The Perfect Birthday Gift For Her Ok, so maybe it’s her anniversary, or Valentines day is once again at your throats…whatever day it is, you’re hating it just the same. So, what is the perfect gift for her? And for you guys who hate to shop, never mind opening your wallet, what is the quickest gift to get without al the hassles? That’s easy! You ready?…… Get nice-looking stationary, in her favorite color and write her a love note. Yeah, yeah, I know…puke, but hey, this is perfect. Write down what you first thought after seeing her pretty face for the first time. Put down how you felt spending that first night with her. Put down how you grew to love her over time, and what she did to make you fall in love with her. And lastly, tell her how you feel about her now. Do you have cologne that she loves? … Give the stationary a couple of squirts. Roll it up and tie it in a colored ribbon. Yes, I know, but we are talking about women here. They love stuff like this. Combine that with her favorite flowers and one more gift. That last gift you are going to have to decide on. But no matter what it is, that love letter will make her day. Stop Thinking About Her Within 30 days The worst feeling a man can go through is when he is trying to get over a breakup with a woman. Many, many men are familiar with that same feeling. That empty, hollow feeling, deep inside the gut. The memory of your own experience is making you feel it right now, isn’t it? And to make it worse this can last for weeks. … For months! Some men can’t concentrate on their work. Some men, believe it or not have lost their jobs because of this. They skip days from work because they just couldn’t get out of bed. They wake up with her on their mind, they go to bed with her on their mind, they can’t do anything throughout their day without thinking about her at least once every few minutes. Yes, it can be that extreme for some men. A breakup from a woman can literally tear a grown man down to nothing. It has even made men sick. Their mental state is low, which in turn makes their bodies weak. Their immune system breaks down. Love is an addiction. It is just like the smoker, trying to quite smoking. It is just like the drug addict, trying to quit the habit. Yes, love for another can be that strong with some people. It’s an addiction! … Like a drug! What you are about to read, without a doubt, the BEST way to fall, out, of love with a woman. It is a simple exercise that has guaranteed results. But, it is guaranteed only if you use it. Too many men are given this simple solution, but for some odd reason they don’t use it. They read it, say that “this is some great advice,” but they don’t even use it. They read a book that is written by a therapist, and they then think that “this is a very good book that will definitely help,” but they don’t use it! They set it down somewhere where it will collect dust. What’s worse is when they practice the given advice, but they STILL think about her, and then they turn around and say “it is crap. … It doesn’t work.” So, the following is what you do with it. It is up to you. Have you ever noticed that the more you think negative about something, the harder it becomes to stop thinking about it when you want to? The harder you try, the worse it gets. Repetitious negative thinking on anything settles in our brain. Of course positive thinking can also remain with us, but it isn’t nearly as powerful as negative thinking. I wonder why that is. Have you ever heard of “Chemical imbalance”? There is a chemical in and around our brain that helps transmit thoughts to us. If one was to constantly have negative thoughts about something, the normal chemical balance then becomes imbalanced. It is hard to explain how this works, but this has been proven by the medical establishment (They have shown the actual changes of a brain’s chemical imbalance through an MRI scan, which is more of a sophisticated X-Ray). It is either up to the individual, a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist to bring proper balance to the brain’s chemical, and that is done only with positive, constructive thinking. It is simply amazing how simple thoughts can correct a brain’s chemical imbalance, isn’t it? No surgery, no medicine…just positive, right thoughts! In a way it’s magical the way it truly works. And again, for some odd reason positive thoughts doesn’t change our brain’s chemical balance that much. It’s strange how our brain works that way. On a side note: There are men who become bitter towards women because they keep meeting the wrong ones. They then start bashing them, saying that women don’t like “nice guys.” Also, they only date very pretty women, but the only thing going for nearly all of these types of women is their looks. … They are nothing but a man’s worst nightmare. These guys date women like this over and over again, and then their thinking about women slowly erodes. They categorize women as basically all the same. They have less patience with women. They are too quick to judge them harshly when they don’t do something right. The word “bitch” is their favorite word. On top of that, they read Internet message boards where other men think the same way. They read each other’s messages, thus cementing those negative thoughts about women even more. This is a form of a brain-chemical imbalance. Overtime these guy’s brain chemical actually change. Some even become border-line psychotic. Repetitious thoughts in a different manner from what you usually are thinking is the only cure for getting over a woman. Whether it is from a break up from an ex or for a woman you can’t have, who you constantly fantasize about. And that’s another thing, how many women have you constantly thought about but couldn’t have because they were already were taken, or they weren’t attracted to you in that way? That too can be VERY frustrating. No more will this happen to you. You will learn the same exercise on how to stop this futile fantasizing over a woman you can’t have. I know what you are thinking right now. Well it’s repetitious thoughts that put me here in the first place. Yes, but those thoughts were of good things about her. Her smile, her scent, the times you had sex with her, and the happy conversations you had with her. The fantasies were also pleasant, and especially sexual. Right? It is fueling your love emotion. When trying to distinguish a fire, it’s like throwing gas on it, instead of water. It isn’t on anything negative whenever you think about her. … Was it? Nearly all of the times it was on positive things during that relationship. That is another thing love can do. It blocks out the bad things about a person. It makes you think that she wasn’t THAT bad. You make excuses for her actions. Right? Again, it’s like being on a drug. Just like constant negative thoughts about something and someone, love can also change the brain’s chemical balance. This too has been proven by the medical establishment. It’s a deadly combination when you combine constant pleasant / love thoughts for someone, with the emotion of love. It’s a powerful one two punch! Think back to the time you were in love with a woman. You ignored all the red flags, or you made excuses for her actions. Only later, when you got her out of your system, did you wake up to the fact that she was indeed a real bitch. You thought to yourself, How could I have been so stupid to feel like this for her?! What was I thinking?! Right? It was like a drug for you. … Literally! Love, AND, and the constant thinking about someone is a lethal combination. And for many men it can be as hard to quit as it is for a smoker when trying to quit smoking. Now it is time to explain this exercise that can eliminate these feelings and thoughts you have about her. Once you finish, you will not believe that such a simple thing can cure you. But it can! It’s up to you to stick with it in order for it to work. In her book, HOW TO FALL OUT OF LOVE, Dr. Deborah Phillips explains the same simple exercise. Psychotherapists call this “Behavior therapy.” It has been around for more than 50 years. I have never heard of it before. I naturally did it on my own with the women in my life, and it worked great. Only later did I discover it in this book and realized that this technique has been given a name, “Behavior Therapy,” and that this has been taught for years and that that this is actually taught by Psychotherapists, through psychotherapy. (Psychotherapy is a treatment of mental and/or emotional disorder, which has been brought about through constant damaging thinking.) Okay, so what is this “behavior therapy” and how can it help you? Behavior therapy is a term coined by Psychotherapists that means to replace desirable thoughts for someone or something with undesirable ones, and vice versa. Are you in a stage right now where you are having a hard time getting over an ex? Are you always thinking about a woman who you know you can’t have, but you keep thinking about her nevertheless? And these constant thoughts you have are always positive, and of course, it’s sexual in nature. … Right? Combine your hormones into it and you might be thinking that you might as well wave the white flag?! Well, not yet. It’s time to start practicing behavior therapy. Through time and dedication you will actually stop thinking about her. The thoughts that at times gives you that deep, hollow feeling inside your gut will disappear. You will actually be able to rid yourself of this sickness, and that’s what it is, within 30 days, if not sooner. You will not believe how easy it really is! Once you get her out of your system, you will then ask yourself why in the hell you felt like this for her in the first place. You will be kicking yourself and calling yourself stupid for feeling like that. It is indeed an amazing transformation. Okay, let’s begin this exercise. Whenever you think of her, it’s thoughts of her pretty face, her nice, white smile, her long pretty hair, her scent or a scene where you two used to make love in her or your bed run through your mind. Am I right? And how many times did the same sex scene go through your head with that woman (co-worker, neighbor, cashier, even a movie star) you would like to be with but you know you can’t have? Well, having constant thoughts like that is, of course, the problem. Time alone will eventually help you, “Time heals all wounds,” but why wait weeks, maybe months before she is out of your system? The only fast cure is through opposite thinking of someone. Okay, the next time you have these positive and pleasant thoughts about her, replace them with just the opposite. Begin by sitting down and writing down all the negative things about your ex. Things that you have forgotten or you are ignoring or making excuses for, because of your drug-induced love for her. Write EVERYTHING down, and in detail. Make a short journal of her and the bad days you had with her if you have to, but do it! You have to bring everything negative about her for your eyes to read. Make the descriptive in short, but in detail paragraphs, for easier reading, because you are going to be reading it over and over again. I don’t know why, but so many men are with real bitches. I don’t get it. What is more puzzling is when they still think about her constantly, even after they break up. Love is a very powerful emotion. Start a journal on her. That one night when she pushed you away selfishly when you wanted to make love to her. … She said that you always think about sex, when it was three days ago since you last made love. … Write that down. Then write how it made you feel about her. Try to remember those feelings. Try to remember the times you were down about something and she was more concerned about her feelings and rarely listened to you. Also write those times down and how you felt about her. Etc. Then, when you got it all down on paper, no matter how insignificant it is, you can read about the REAL her whenever you think about her. No more thinking about just those good times with her, that didn’t happen that often anyway. Carry the journal around with you and read it every time you think of her. Try to visualize those times she was a real bitch to you, or whenever she acted like a little princess. Visualizing it like this is a great way to healing yourself from her. Sit down in a quite place, reading your journal, and then start to visualize those nightmarish times with her. You have to bring yourself back to reality about this woman. This is your first step in your behavior therapy. The next step is to think of her in an ugly, maybe a vile way. When you think of her do you think of her pretty, white smile? The next time that visual comes to you replace it with her having yellow teeth (or, without ANY teeth). Have you ever seen someone with brown, or yellow teeth? Get that picture in your head of her. It will take some time to get this down, since you have thought about her white smile so many times before. What about her long, flowing hair? For now on picture it as greasy. She hasn’t washed it in weeks. You can smell the dirty oil in her hair. You can feel the grease in your hands when you touch her hair. Are you getting that visual? How is it making you feel right now as you are envisioning her in greasy hair, smelling her dirty hair and feeling the grease? Now, combine it with her yellow, brown teeth. This still isn’t enough to help some men, so they have to take it up a notch. They have to think vile things of her. Envision her with shit on her face and in her hair. Envision her having sex with a dog in her bed, and liking it. Yes, this is vile, but these thoughts have helped men who were to the point of being ill anyway because of their constant thinking of their ex. Sometimes you have to think vile. Keep repeating thoughts like these every time you think of her. Replace the desirable thoughts with the undesirable thoughts. Before you know it, she is out of your system. Oh, you will still think of her, but not in that way anymore. Now, what if she wasn’t a bitch to you, but it just didn’t work out between you two. You are still in love with her, and you are always hoping that she will call you, wanting to reconcile. Well, leave out the journal and instead think of her as the above examples. It doesn’t matter if she is a really nice person, because it is the only way to effectively and quickly get her out of your system. Don’t think of all the nice things she has done for you. Replace them with made-up visions where she was a bitch. Envision her being a racist. Run scenes through your head of her calling black people “niggers” and the Orientals “slant eyes.” Make her an ugly person. Replace the good with the bad. Before you know it you are no longer thinking of her in a sexual way. Repetitious thoughts in this manner will have you healed in no time. Of course it isn’t going to be easy in the beginning. You have to train your brain to start thinking of her in an ugly and negative way. It will take time. As you practice it, it will become easier and easier each time you do it. Your thoughts of her will become weaker and weaker, and the next thing you know you are no longer thinking about her in that way. It’s up to you to make it work. I’d like to leave you with two final thoughts. If you take yourself out of the dating market because you are always thinking about the woman with whom it didn’t work out, you won’t find the one who is truly the right one for you. That next person who is right around the corner could be the mother of your children. She could be your loving partner for the rest of your life. But…you won’t see her if you have your head down. You’ll walk right by her. And lastly, the most important relationship you have is the one with you. You’re only lonely if you aren’t there for you. Think about this for a while, before you move on to the next chapter. Write down these last two paragraphs, and tape it to your bathroom mirror and your refrigerator, so you can see it all the time. How To End An Argument Within Minutes The number one reason why men don't like to have sit-down discussions with their mate over a problem is because it can, and quite often does stretch to 2-3 hours. Men like to solve it, and then move on. Women like to talk, talk, and talk about it some more. If you are tired of the hours-long discussions, this article is for you. Compared to our other articles, this one will be a short one. All you need to know are a few basic tips that, if followed will end ANY discussion / argument before it hits that first hour mark. One: The first thing you have to keep in mind is that if she isn't satisfied that you get it, and / or she feels that you don't understand her feelings, she will keep repeating herself, which, of course, will turn it into hours of discussion or arguing. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if you brought up a problem you had with her and she didn't understand your feelings? Or, worse, she rolls her eyes and sighs, like you may have done with her many times before. You would keep repeating yourself, right? Put yourself in her shoes. Try to understand her position. Let her know that you do understand where she is coming from. And...MEAN IT! If you don't, she will see it in your face, which, again, will have her repeating it over again. Two: Put yourself in her shoes and ask her to put herself in your shoes. You both should see the discussion / argument from one another's point of view, and then go from there. Break your thoughts and feelings down into detail for her, and have her do the same for you. Doing this one little thing works wonders. That is, if the two of you have an open mind and aren't argumentive, just to be argumentive. If she keeps repeating herself, ask her, NICELY, why she is doing it. "Honey, I must be missing something. Why are you repeating this over again?" Once she tells you, then appease her by doing what she wants from you. Just like what you would want from her. Three: If it hits that 30-minute mark, and there is no end in sight, stop the discussion by suggesting that you two take a break, and resume it later on in the day. You give your brains a time to relax, so you can see the discussion from a fresher point of view. This also works wonders. It's pretty similar to when you study too much on something. What usually happens? Your brain gets tired and it isn't as functional as it was in the beginning. Any problem can be talked over and worked out without it having to take hours to do so. It's just these three simple little things that will have a discussion or argument end within minutes of it starting. If it doesn't, one or both of you aren't being reasonable, aren't listening and / or you don't have constructive discussions / arguments. What To Do With The Ring When The Engagement Has Been Broken You've got yourself an expensive engagement ring that the jeweler won't take back, for whatever reason, and you don't want to take it to a pawn shop because you won't get what it's worth...so, what can you do with this now pain-in-the-butt engagement ring? You don't want it in your sight anymore so you want to get rid of it, like right now! Here are a few suggestions from jewelers: Ask the jeweler if he'll take the engagement ring on consignment. Run an ad in the paper, obviously. Then go to a jeweler to have a written appraisal done. If you advertise an expensive engagement ring in the paper, you risk being robbed. The chances are are pretty slim of this happening, but nevertheless.... Make sure there are others in the room with you, or, tell the prospect to meet you at the jewelers, where you got the appraisal done. Get a written appraisal, then donate it to charity and take a tax Melt down the engagement ring and have a wonderful Mother's day gift created. Or, have another ring, or a piece of jewelry created from it. Perhaps create another form of engagement ring for the woman in your life? Auction it off at an auction house in your town. The "Nice Guy" Syndrome You’ve heard all about how "nice guys" finish last, that most women are more attracted to the "jerks" and "bad boys." There are A LOT of men out there who think that women are more attracted to theses kinds of men. Yes, there are women out there like that. But, why is this? What is the REAL answer behind this subject on "nice guys?" If you have a problem in this area, or you just want to know the reasoning behind this, read on. First of all, let's begin by stating that there are not that many women who are attracted to the jerks or the bad boys. This is just something that is blown way out of proportion; greatly exaggerated. It just seems that way. Reading about this time after time after time on the Internet and in magazines and books just adds to the exaggeration, making it seem like that there are A LOT of women who are attracted to the jerks and bad boys. It’s a form of brainwashing. After so many times of reading and hearing it, men, too many, then begin to believe it. Also, to add to this, too many men run into too many women who don’t have a good head on their shoulders. They are indecisive, flighty and flaky. These guys are then brought even further into the idea that all women aren’t attracted to nice guys but just the jerks. Well, it just ain’t so. If these guys dated and / or hung out with quality women, who know what they want, do you think that these guy's mindset would be the same? Another thing to think about is this: It doesn’t matter if you act like a jerk to her or not, hoping that this will somehow make you more appealing to her…If she isn’t attracted to you in the first place! This jerk you always hear or read about can still have problems attracting some women. It’s because…HE ISN’T HER TYPE. IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER HE IS A JERK OR NOT. He himself may think he might attract more women if he stops being a jerk to them. Ironic, isn’t it? Here is where this myth can be cleared up: She doesn’t want a doormat. She doesn’t want a guy who is TOO nice (wishy washy). She wants him to be a little cocky, bratty and obnoxious, like a man should be. She wants a nice, and especially funny guy, but one who also acts like a man. In other words… He isn’t needy and clingy; wishy washy. He doesn’t get pussy whipped. He wants that relationship with her, but he will also leave her at any time if she doesn’t get rid of the attitude. He can take and leave them at any time. He has no problem telling a beautiful woman to kiss his ass if she is acting like a bitch with an attitude, whether she is a stranger or not. He doesn’t do everything a woman asks him to do. She is not ALWAYS right. He gives her hell once in a while, he tells her what he thinks when she does dumb things…but, he does it in moderation, and in a constructive way. He makes his own decisions in his life. He is not indecisive. He doesn’t let people walk over him, even his boss. He will tell his abusive boss to shove it, and he will then go get another job, even if it means moving to another town or city. He is a confident, take-charge kind of a man, like a man should be. What woman likes a wimpy doormat? Women want a man who has a combination of being a little cocky, bratty and have a take-charge attitude and…being nice and funny. She wants all these qualities, not a doormat. You can be a bit of a cocky rebel like Sean Penn, humorous like Jerry Seinfeld, silly like Jim Carrey and nice, like you usually are, all in one package. Many nice guys don’t do this...that so many women find attractive in men. That’s why they are more attracted to the bad boys and the jerks. The women are attracted to these types of men because these men are a bit of a rebel, they are cocky, they speak their mind, and they don’t bend over backwards for women, or for people in general. They act manly. But, the downside for the women is that many of these guys are too much like jerks, and they treat women poorly. You want to have the whole package that she wants, but don’t abuse it to the point where it makes you look like you have these scary multiple personalities and / or mood swings. It’s hard to explain how to do a little of each, so we hope you understand what we mean. Also, here’s another confusion: Women say they want a man to be sensitive, but when he is, it turns her off. It isn't because she doesn't know what she wants, like so many men think of women, it's because you, as a man, don't understand them. When women say that, what they mean is that they want him to be sensitive…to her feelings, to understand what she is saying, and to listen to her. It's not about being emotional, like crying at a sad movie. Why Do Some Women Stay With A Jerk/Bad Boy Who Doesn't Treat Her Right? Here’s yet another confusing thing men want an answer to…why would a woman stay with a man who doesn’t treat her right, or he is that bad boy / jerk with an attitude? It’s because of one of two things, or both: 1- She is hoping she can change that part in him. She is hoping she can get him to stop acting like a jerk, yet he still retains those qualities a man should have. 2- She thinks that if he leaves, he may change and treat the other woman better. Yes, #2 is true. Many, not all, women do believe that. The chances are too high that he won’t change, but many women will hold on to hope. He may very well change, but again, the chances are too great that he won’t. Now, what if she can’t stop him from being a jerk, and to be nicer but she STILL wants to be with him? You have to question a woman who is like that. A woman with a good head on her shoulders will just leave if she knows she can’t change that part in him. Think about it…if she stays in a rotten relationship with a jerk, isn’t this just a red flag waiving that tells you she is not quite right in the head? Why would you want to be with a woman like this, other than for a one-night stand? If she has the kind of character that has her being with jerks, WHAT ELSE IS WRONG WITH HER? This kind of a woman is not worth spending ANY quality time with. Even the "jerks" and "bad boys" will eventually drop her for another woman because there are other bad, neurotic qualities about her. Her being attracted to the wrong men is just a red flag waiving that there are other bad qualities about her that even a jerk and bad boy would have him dropping her before too long. What Does It Really Mean When She says, "You're A Nice Guy"? If you watch dating shows, you probably seen where the woman says to her date, "You're a nice guy...." Then, after the date, the host of the shows says, "Uh-oh. ... The dreaded nice guy line." Again, this is something that is blown way out of proportion. It's as if this happens all the time. But, what exactly does it mean when a woman, who isn't attracted to you in that way says that to you? Would your immediate thought be of, "I need to stop acting like such a nice guy!" That's the typical thought. But, that doesn't make sense. All you were doing is being nice to her, like she was doing to you. You paid attention to what she was saying, you asked her questions, to get to know her, and you were the gentleman women like. So why do so many men feel that they have to stop acting like that??? You didn't do anything wrong, IF...you didn't act OVERLY nice, try to overly impress her, and you had an attitude that you do want to get to know her, but if it doesn't work out, there is always another woman to take her place. Here's something else most men don't get: When a woman, who isn't interested in you in that way says that you are a nice guy, it means EXACTLY just that. You ARE a nice guy, but she isn't interested in you in that way. You just weren't her type, that's all. Also, when a woman says this to a guy, it's just something to say to him. It's sort of like when a man says to a woman, "I'll call you," when he isn't interested in her. ... It's just something to say. And when they say to each other at the end of the date, "Talk to you later." Will they really talk later? Did a light bulb suddenly come on in your head? Here's one last thing to think about: Hasn't there ever been a woman you weren't interested in? How about that coworker or neighbor who could be interested in you, but you aren't the least bit interested in her? Is it really that big of a deal when one person of the opposite sex isn't attracted to another? Why Do Nice Guys, Supposedly, Get Dumped On All The Time? It seems to be a common belief among men that nice guys always get dumped on by their female friends, or by women in general. Is that really true, or is there something more to this than meets the eye? I recently got the following e-mail from a man who has this problem of always being called a nice guy, but he can't find a woman who is attracted to him: …I helped a female work colleague get a higher professional qualification. During this time we became great friends, but sadly, nothing more. She then went through the worst year of her life (death of a parent, changing jobs, theft, car problems, boss problems, etc). I became a shoulder to cry on and gave lots of love and emotional support. Things turned out well for her. She got promoted to her dream job in the same area, and I helped her find a new apartment, lent her money for the deposit, and then spent a week of my holidays helping her to do up the apartment. Gradually, over a period of about a month, she distanced herself from me. Later I found out that she had a boyfriend. I unwittingly set up her apartment for her and her boyfriend. I kinda quizzed her about her boyfriend, in which she got a little angry with me and told me it wasn’t really any of my business. Since then our friendship drifted apart…. This is a typical story from nice guys who think they get dumped on. They think that if they do these nice things for her, she will then think of him as more than just a friend. Typical. What, you don’t do nice things for your male friends? Shouldn’t it be the same when doing nice things for women? Many women have angrily commented that their male friends would do nice things for them because they had another agenda in mind. Okay, now is that being a friend to her? The man who posted that apparently thought that she would be so grateful for his help that she would rush into his arms. Nearly all the time it doesn’t turn out that way, because nearly all men are like this man, not telling her how he feels about her. They then instead go, Boo, hoo! Nice guys always finish last! They should make it clear at the get go, rather than harboring these expectations, which have now turned into resentments. Guys like these have only themselves to blame. Don’t categorize the "users" with the women just wanting to be friends because the friends aren’t attracted to you in that way. You can easily distinguish between the two. Though it’s not clear if this man's "friend" was a user or she was just mad at him because of the way he acted, and all she thought they were were just friends; that he was doing these things for her because that’s what friends do for one another. Many women get pissed off at their male friend who acts jealous / like a baby when she doesn’t show more than just a friendship to him, and / or she is dating men other than him. Here is a collection of statements from women on why nice guys quite often do get left out in the cold (Keeping in mind that women want a nice guy, but not if he is TOO nice; wishy washy.): 1- If all you have is one failed relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it. (This does make sense. After all, if you do keep having failed relationships, or dates that don’t go past that first or second meeting, maybe you should be looking at yourself. Many men pick beautiful women who have nothing going for them but their looks, but these guys expect more from her, like being nice and thoughtful, when all she has going for her is…JUST her looks.) 2- The biggest problem is that most nice guys are insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they will do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simple pleasure of giving. Many times I don’t know if a nice guy really likes me for who I am, or if he has attached himself to me because I paid him some kind of attention. I want a nice guy, but not like this! 3- There are women out there who zero in on nice guys to take advantage of them. "Users" stroke a nice guy’s ego, takes him for a ride, adds a notch to their belts, and then moves on to the next guy. Then these nice guys complain about women being so horrible. 4- Nice guys go overboard. They bring flowers to a "let’s get together" coffee date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They laugh at her jokes that aren’t even funny. They hang on to every word with such zealousness. I want a guy to listen to me, but relax about it, will ya! 5- They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs to jump on mine. 6- More than loving the woman in his life, a nice guy NEEDS her. "She is my life, my only source of happiness…" He is too clingy, he doesn’t have a life of his own. 7- Nice guys quite often help women who are losers, they have neurosis and personality problems. These guys think that by "helping" these women, it will make him a better, more loveable person. She will appreciate and love him. Then when she turns around and treats him like shit, he then says: "This is what I get for being a nice guy!" 8- They start out being our friends, and then, overtime, they think we owe them something more than friendship, just because we are of the opposite sex. Click here for more on this, and never-before published tips and advice not found anywhere else on how to meet more quality women, without all the game playing! See Perry's other weekly columns on Dating or Sex. Perry Rose is a syndicated freelance writer for singles on sex, dating and relationships. He is also the author of, All About Men: Another Damn Book For Women About Men. & Women and Sex And Dating, For The Single Man published by Intimacy Books. From first getting dates from complete strangers, to finding that right person to be with, Intimacy Books has interviewed single men and women on what they like and want from one another. The findings were published in Women, Sex and Dating, for the Single Man. Their site is bettersexbetterdating.com Contact Us | Disclaimer | Privacy Statement Menstuff® Directory Menstuff® is a registered trademark of Gordon Clay ©1996-2023, Gordon Clay