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August
How to Respond to Criticism
I've been thinking lately about something one of my
readers, a "Mr. Bad" said to me that's been in my
head for a day or two:
"You... have a very inaccurate, uninformed and
distorted view of healthy, normal masculinity. You
instead are much more attuned to feminist and
homosexual (i.e., gay and lesbian) issues than most
people. There's nothing wrong with that - in fact
it's necessary and informative - but the fact
remains that IMO you've shown yourself to be
clueless on the topic of normal, healthy
masculinity."
Rather than respond in anger, I've been thinking
about the ways in which this might be true. Am I,
I wonder, really out of tune with "mainstream
masculinity", whatever that is? From an academic
standpoint, I've read a great deal of the still
small canon of work on men's studies. I'm familiar
with everyone from Michael Kimmel to Warren Farrell
to Robert Bly to Shepherd Bliss to Bill McCartney
to R.W. Connell. From an activist standpoint, I've
trained with groups like Men Can Stop Rape. From a
volunteer standpoint, I've helped lead men's
retreats at places like All Saints Church and
Fuller Seminary. And Lord knows, I've
participated in enough group therapy (I was in two
long-term men's groups in my late teens and early
twenties)!
But what does that teach me about "normal guys"?
The academic in me wants to pretend that normalcy
itself is an artificial construct. But part of me
is reacting to Mr. Bad with the realization that my
own life experiences are radically different than
those of the majority of American men. Of course,
anyone who does any academic work at all in gender
studies is participating in a classically
"feminine" activity, in that we presume that
"normal" American men have no interest in the
thoughtful analysis -- and subsequent challenging
-- of traditional relationships among the sexes.
Thus studying and teaching the subject become proof
that I am not an authentic man, and thus excellent
grounds for dismissing my conclusions.
It's true, I wasn't raised with "All-American"
guy concerns. My father, whom I love with all my
heart and with whom I have a very close
relationship, was born in Austria and raised in
England. (He knows the rules of cricket, not
baseball.) He taught me to kick a round ball, not
throw one; he taught me to appreciate the life of
the mind and classical music. My father and I
didn't go to baseball games or learn how to
barbecue together. We did go to Gilbert and
Sullivan operettas and Jean Renoir retrospectives.
(Despite his influence, however, I did develop
some stereotypical American interests, chief among
them an interest in college football that has only
grown more passionate in the two decades since I
first entered university.)
I have lots of male friends today. How normal
are they? Most of my male friends are straight and
married; a few are gay and a few are single. Most,
but not all, are college educated white guys
between 30-55. Half have children. About half are
serious Christians, but others are agnostics,
Unitarians, and students of Kabbalah. Most are
liberal Democrats, but a few are solid Republicans.
But there's one thing every one of my close male
friends has in common: we are all, to a man, quite
concerned with the appearance and performance of
our bodies.
Mr. Bad commented, with a grain of what I
acknowledge is truth: "Almost every day you post
something about yourself, often times shallow
and/or silly, and usually relating to your body
with a healthy dose of your feelings thrown in. For
this reader, you come across on this blog as having
a very strong "mirror, mirror on the wall..."
princess approach to your life. So, considering
that your professinal focus has been on women and
homosexuals, I humbly suggest that perhaps that's
the basis for the model you're projecting as the
"typical" male you keep trying to offer up. And
because of this, you're missing the mark vis-a-vis
typical men by miles and miles."
Yes, I have my shallow and silly qualities. But
I'm convinced that Mr. Bad is wrong when he implies
that an intense concern with one's own appearance
is not "typically male." Every one of my male
friends works out. Many are marathoners and
ultrarunners and triathletes. In that sense, we
are a self-selecting group. We are perhaps a shade
more neurotic about our bodies than your average
Joes. (On Saturday, my two running buddies and I
discussed the details of the cleanse I've been on
for quite some time, as well as having a heartfelt
discussion of the nagging problem of "lower-back
fat deposits.") But Mr. Bad is wrong when he
implies that most American men are utterly
unconcerned with their appearance.
Here I don't have to rely on anecdotal evidence.
See here. See here. Note the proliferation of
men's fitness magazines which focus not on health
but on appearance. I don't think these magazines
are raking in fortunes off a few unusual
narcissists! Rather, the evidence is overwhelming
that American men are rapidly becoming as
concerned with body image as women have been. The
fact that they are not yet as vocal about it ---
outside of the fitness community -- does not mean
that the anxiety isn't growing to the point of
being omnipresent! (See books like The Adonis
Complex, the very subtitle of which makes clear the
nature of the problem: The Secret Crisis of Male
Body Obsession.)
Yes, I'm very concerned with my body's
appearance and athletic performance. Yes, I'm
vain. Yes, I do something straight men aren't
supposed to do, which is talk about these concerns
in a very public way. But the research (and
abundant anecdotal evidence) suggest that my
friends and I are far from alone. In blue-state
cities it may be easier for men to discuss these
anxieties and obsessions openly, but the evidence
suggests that they are becoming universal. In that
sense, men who are open about their "body image
issues" are fully and completely "normal" --
perhaps just more candid than some of their more
truculent and inarticulate counterparts.
All in all, I think it's counterproductive, even
dangerous, to question the masculine credentials of
those who do gender work. Given the rigid rules of
American sexual culture, it's all but certain than
any man who does speak critically about male
behavior will have his manhood questioned. Indeed,
it's a standard debating tactic, usually employed
by those who oppose progressive agendas, to suggest
that feminists and their allies are "out of touch",
"elitists", who don't "get it" or who aren't "real
women" or "real men." One of the hallmarks of the
pro-feminist men's movement has been a resistance
to this false dyad of "real men" and "girly men"
(which, after all, is more or less what Mr. Bad's
language implies). The authentic men's movement
sees masculinity as a continuum, not a fixed
point.
Mr. Bad questions my masculine credentials; some
(not all) of my erstwhile allies are so irked by my
writings on marriage that they may be questioning
my feminism. It's one thing to dismiss our
opponents' arguments as poorly reasoned, another to
engage in ad hominem attacks. At the same time, my
own choice to bring in my own personal experience
-- a strategy and a technique I learned from
feminism -- makes these attacks all but inevitable,
if disappointing.
©2005, Hugo
Schwyzer
* * *
Women really must have equal pay for equal work,
equilaity in work at home, and reproductive
choices. Men must press for these things also. They
must cease to see them as "women's issues" and
learn that they are everyone's issues. - essential
to survival on planet Earth. - Erica Jong
The assorted
musings of Hugo Schwyzer: a progressive,
consistent-life ethic Anabaptist/Episcopalian
Democrat (but with a sense of humor), a community
college history and gender studies professor, an
avid marathoner, aspiring ultra-runner, die-hard
political junkie, and proud father of a small
chinchilla. hugoboy.typepad.com
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